


At First Glance

by TheFullmidgetAlchemist



Series: Bleachverse [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: A lot of firsts, Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Rating May Change, Reincarnation, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 67,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFullmidgetAlchemist/pseuds/TheFullmidgetAlchemist
Summary: A story that spans from the very first moment their eyes met to the very last time, and then some more.Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, which are trademarked by Tite Kubo.Author's note:The early chapters at the Academy are inspired by the wonderful liralenli, author of the workTwin Souls, whose writing became to me holier than actual canon.If you have never done so, read it. Please.





	1. Nobility of heart over nobility of name.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twin Souls](https://archiveofourown.org/works/298857) by [liralenli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liralenli/pseuds/liralenli). 



It had been just a glance, at first.

 

He’d been skulking at the edge of the crowd of students who had gathered beneath that perfect sky on the day that the Academy had opened its doors for its first scholastic year, trying not to get noticed, and more importantly, trying not to get recognised.  Word had already spread that the youngest Kyouraku son, a noble family of renown martial skill, had been sent off to the Academy to correct his ways, and he’d rather not having any disapproving glares thrown at him. He had made quite a show of being upset at the so-called punishment, but deep down, he hadn’t really minded.  After all, he’d known Old Man Yama since he was young, and he knew that guy was fond of him behind the rough exterior. He was also quite happy - that is to say, exultant - to get out of his brother’s spotlight. Although he’d mellowed down considerably since his betrothal to lovely, lovely Ise-san, he’d still been intent on his lifelong pursuit of Shunsui’s every mistake, and driving in the point that Shunsui was really quite useless.  His parents hadn’t done much to stop this - some might even go as far as to say they encouraged it - his father more enthusiastically than his mother. After all, this seemed to be the only method to recover a valuable wheel in their well-oiled engine of centuries old martial tradition. It would seem that they had given up on that dream, and instead decided to cut him out of the family tradition completely in a show of support towards Yamamoto-san’s newly opened Academy, which promised to teach young noble Reiatsu-gifted students and turning them into soldiers for the protection of all.

 

He had since moved into the crowd, not out of some desire to hear what the old Headmaster was saying, but out of curiosity.  He’d caught a glimpse of bone-white hair, and his better judgement told him, firmly, and distinctly in his mother’s voice, not to pry, but he brushed it away, throwing his gaze around somewhat desperately in an effort to find the stranger.  After feeling a particularly frustrated poke of reiatsu from the Headmaster that almost toppled him to the ground in its intensity, Shunsui quieted down, sending a glare at Yamamoto, who had unfortunately chosen that moment to look upon him.  The next flare of concentrated reiatsu finally did its job, and the last thing Shunsui thought before blacking out was,  _ There goes my opportunity to start the year out of the spotlight. _

 

**

When he came to, his eyes opened to an unfamiliar ceiling.  A gentle sea of reiatsu left him feeling completely at ease, and he sensed that it must be an infirmary, and the reiatsu must belong to one of the healers who had, perhaps, just finished jolting him awake.  Beneath this, he could sense another reiatsu, its quiet strength echoing the fortitude of its owner. Without knowing the person to whom it belonged, Shunsui already felt daunted. Here was a person whose words would be as sure as the tide returning, whose voice would be as calm as the summer sea, whose sense of justice would gather like storm clouds and rain judgement on all.  

 

He sat up, groggily, and turned to face the person behind the reiatsu.  

 

“Ah.”

 

The boy with the bone-white hair turned around at the sound, and Shunsui felt as if he’d been punched in the gut.  Inquisitive green eyes stared back at him from a face that was on the thin side of elegance, a sheen of weariness turning the pale skin greyish.  Shunsui couldn't help but feel  _ something _ in him stir.  Here was an interesting person.  It seemed like fate had dumped them both in this strange place.  He hardly realised that his strange companion was talking until he saw his mouth move.

 

“You’re awake.”

 

Shunsui had been right in his earlier deductions - his voice was calm and level, but slightly hoarse, as if he’d just recovered from a bout of particularly harsh coughs.

 

“I am.”  Shunsui decided that perhaps he shouldn’t ever speak again, because now the boy was looking at him with a half-smile, as if saying,  _ Aren’t you observant?   _ The smile complimented his face.  It was a face that was used to smiling, judging by the way it seemed to light up by just a simple curve of the lips.

 

“I was quite curious to meet the boy who had been targeted exclusively by Yamamoto-dono’s anger.  My name is Ukitake Jushiro. Pleased to meet you,” the boy said, formally, bowing his head as low as he could while sitting on his bed.

 

“You’re very formal, aren’t you?”

 

Ukitake stiffened slightly.  “I have been taught that manners make a man.  I was raised knowing my place, and my place is below yours, Kyouraku-san.”

 

Shunsui deflated, any hope that this Ukitake might not know who he was thrown out of the window.  “Oh, you know who I am.” With that knowledge usually came an intricate, almost religious knowledge of every shameful thing he had ever done since the day he'd been born.

 

Ukitake seemed to notice the defeated quality of his tone, because he cocked his head to one side, and said, slightly curiously,  “Was your identity meant to be a secret? I only knew who you were from the healer who was tending to me, and I know enough to know that you are part of the four noble houses.”

 

Shunsui dared to hope again.  “So you don’t know anything else?”

 

Ukitake frowned.  “Not really. Are you some kind of delinquent?”   His voice held no judgement or incrimination as he said those words, but then he seemed to suddenly remember who he was talking to.  He blushed pink. “Not that I meant any-”

 

Any further flustered, spluttered apology was drowned by Shunsui’s surprised laughter.  He had not expected this boy, who preached manners, to be so flippant when caught at unawares.  When he’d finally calmed down, he looked up, noticing that Ukitake would not meet his eyes. “You’re right,” he finally said, surprising both of them.  “I was sent here to start a new life. My family has basically disowned me. Which means that my name no longer holds power. So from now own, you may address me as Kyouraku. Please,” he added, remembering his manners.  He noticed Ukitake smile at that, and felt a small hint of gratification. 

 

Ukitake took a shallow breath, as if to steel himself.  “Kyouraku….-san.” Shunsui sighed deeply. Ukitake shrugged back, helplessly.  "Best I can do, unfortunately," Ukitake continued, grinning ruefully. 

 

“I guess that’s a start.  Allow me to introduce myself fully, lest you think I really have absolutely no manners at all.  I am Shunsui Jirou Sozosuke Kyouraku. Pleased to meet you.” He bowed his head, earning a flustered splutter from Ukitake.  He raised his head, grinning. “I am beginning to enjoy guessing your reaction from my seemingly horrendous grasp of etiquette.”

 

“You are not what I had in mind when I imagined nobility, Kyouraku-san, but I expect you to be rather pleased by this statement,” Ukitake said quietly.  

 

“Thank all the kami in the sky that I’m not.  Being all stuffy and uptight is my brother’s job.”

 

At the mention of siblings, Ukitake brightened.  “Oh, you have a brother? I too have brothers. Five of them.”  He grinned when Shunsui’s mouth fell open. “And two sisters,” he added, smiling fondly.  “I’m the eldest - the youngest two are but babies. I miss them.” His eyes grew sad, and Shunsui could sense the vast difference between their families and their respective levels of familiarity, and felt suddenly envious.  As if sensing this, Ukitake turned toward him, the slight crease in his forehead showing confusion. “I'm get the feeling that you envy me?”

 

Taken aback, Shunsui did not answer the question.  Instead, he exclaimed, “How did you get that?”

 

Despite himself, Ukitake looked amused.  “What, you can’t read emotions off reiatsu?  I thought nobles were natural geniuses when it comes to that.”

 

Shunsui protested.  “I can read character.  Case in point: I guessed your voice would sound calm, and I sensed you hold within you a great sense of justice.”

 

Ukitake looked mildly impressed, his eyebrows rising just a bit.  “Oh, and here I was thinking I’d get top of class easily,” he uttered in a tone that hinted at amused sarcasm.

 

Shunsui was startled yet again by the laughter that escaped him.  "I should have guessed that you'd be way ahead of me when it comes to the finer aspects of sarcasm," he noted with a smile.  Ukitake looked pleased with himself, a happy flush flooding some semblance of life back into the thin cheeks. “Can you do that?” Shunsui asked eventually, curious at how skilled his new acquaintance was.

 

“Do what, Kyouraku-san?”

 

“Read character.”

 

“Not as accurately as you, perhaps.  I sense...sadness. But I also sense that the front you put out is what it is, just a front.  You’re actually a very thoughtful person, aren’t you? You paid attention to include manners when I professed my fondness for them, and you haven't once mentioned the reason behind why I look like death incarnate.”

 

Shunsui remained silent, trying not to let his surprise and sudden emotion show on his face, and belatedly realising he was probably directing all that emotion out on his reiatsu.  He chuckled. “I suppose I should address the subject, rather than have you try to decipher the bloody mess that is my emotional state. Answering the question you’re gonna ask, no, no one has ever seen through me like that.  And I have to admit, I’m a bit scared. Also,” he added as an afterthought, "if death looked like you, I'd be more willing to die." Ukitake looked blankly at him for a beat, then looked away hurriedly as a blush washed over his face.  Shunsui smiled secretly at the reaction that had gotten. Ukitake seemed to gather himself after a while, and when he turned back to Shunsui, he made no sign of even hearing what Shunsui had said. 

 

He continued as if the last sentence had never been uttered.  “If you don’t mind me asking, Kyouraku-san, but ...scared of what?”  The gentleness in his voice ripped at Shunsui’s heart. Here he was, in an infirmary, on his first day at this Academy, spilling his guts out to this highly attractive boy whom he’d only just met.  The absurdity of the situation did not escape him. Another thing that did not escape him was how Ukitake had worded his question, and how he had delivered it. It would have classified as prying had anyone else said it.  Here, Ukitake was not prying. He was asking him if he was okay. No one had ever read him so thoroughly and so accurately before. 

 

“My cover... this façade...it keeps me safe.  People think I’m this drunk loser who chases after...um…” he paused, feeling Ukitake’s gaze upon him and feeling uncharacteristically ashamed, "...chases after women...and usually people leave me alone and I guess…”  He trailed off. He didn’t want to tell Ukitake that he’d rather be alone - it seemed awfully impolite.

 

Of course, Ukitake had to ask, “But do you want to be alone?”  His eyes were searching, and it seemed to Shunsui that he could read his very soul.

 

Shunsui's mouth opened to give a resounding, resigned 'yes', but then he stopped to think.  And when he finally answered, he realised that he was being truthful. It seemed a folly to hide the truth from one who could ease it out of him with merely a glance.  “No.”

 

Ukitake smiled.  “I'm glad you didn't lie.  But you’ll have to excuse me for a moment, I feel suddenly slightly unwell.”  He ended the sentence very calmly. Too calmly. Shunsui was suddenly overcome with worry.

 

“Do you need me to-”

 

His voice was drowned by hacking coughs that twisted Ukitake’s thin frame in on itself.  The hands covering his mouth turned red with blood, and Shunsui leapt from his bed, his frantic eyes spotting a cloth next to his bed and grabbing it.  He approached Ukitake and held the cloth out, and Ukitake took the proffered object and pressed it to his mouth, still shaking violently from the force of the coughs.  Shunsui ran out of ideas then, and he did the only thing he could think of, something his mother would do to him when he was younger, when he used to get sick very often.  He sat down next to Ukitake, placed a hand on his shuddering back, and stroked up and down his spine, gently but firmly.

 

It didn’t do much to slow down the coughing, but Shunsui felt a slight change in his reiatsu, which had been steadily increasing in response to the coughs.  He felt something like gratitude.

 

The healers came rushing in soon after the coughs had subsided, possibly in response to a sudden flare of reiatsu as the coughs reached their peak.  They surrounded Ukitake and elbowed Shunsui out of the way, but he stuck around until they were satisfied that their charge was healthy again. All of them left, apart from one, a young woman with hair that reached the small of her back.  She gave Shunsui a quick check-up, and informed him sweetly that he could leave. He thanked her, and she left, and they were alone again.

 

Ukitake looked somehow thinner, leaning back heavily on his pillows.  His mouth was still stained red at the corners, and Shunsui walked over to the bowl of water by his bed, dipped the corner of a fresh, clean cloth in it, and gently wiped away the blood that clung to his mouth, an action he didn't think twice about.  Ukitake flushed scarlet. Shunsui noticed, and rolled his eyes. “I know what you’re thinking. I shouldn’t lower myself to servant status, yada yada yada. However,  _ my _ personal etiquette guidebook states that you should take care of your friends.”  He looked hesitantly at Ukitake as he said that, and to his bottomless relief, did not find revulsion or any kind of aversion in Ukitake's eyes at the mention of the word ‘friends’.  

 

“ _ Domo arigato gozaimasu _ ,” mumbled Ukitake instinctively, and Shunsui flicked his nose with two fingers.  

 

“No need to thank me, idiot.  Are you...uh… are you feeling better?”

 

Ukitake smiled weakly.  “Force of habit. I’ll be as right as rain soon, but sometimes I get very ill.  It’s a long story, really.”

 

When he didn’t elaborate, Shunsui didn’t press on.  If he were to tell him one day, he would listen. But if he would rather not, he would respect his decision.  Instead, he nodded understandingly. Instead, he asked a question he’d meant to ask before the whole ordeal. “What classes do you have?”

 

Ukitake rattled off a list of the classes he’d be taking, and to his delight, Shunsui shared much of them.  “Guess I’ll be seeing a lot of you then.”

 

Ukitake beamed.  “Yes, indeed. It’ll be nice knowing someone in class.  Looking forward to seeing you again, Kyouraku-san...forgive me if I address you more formally in class.”

 

Shunsui threw him such an exasperated look that Ukitake started laughing gently, careful not to trigger another coughing fit.  “I swear, you’ll be the end of me with your manners,” he reproached, unable to keep the smile of his face. He felt odd - should he really feel as if he’d known this person for years, having just met him?

 

Scarily, Ukitake voiced his own thoughts.  “Seems to me we’ve known each other for years.”  His tone was musing, his voice dulled by the coughing.  “I think I’ll enjoy my time here, after all.”

 

When he realised he’d spoken out loud, Ukitake’s ears burned so bright Shunsui feared they might start smoking, and he didn’t utter another word until Shunsui left.    


	2. Your worst enemy is your own mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So slight trigger warning: This chapter contains some descriptions of anxiety based on very real experiences. It's not too bad but I just wanted to give you all a heads up :)

It had been a rough night.  It had also been a rough day.  He couldn’t help it, really. Sometimes, the intrusive thoughts became even harder to ignore, and their poison words rang suddenly truer. 

 

It had been three months since the Academy had opened, and consequently also three months since the start of his and Ukitake-kun’s friendship.  In the short period of time that he’d come to know him, he’d learned much about how very different their upbringing, and indeed their whole way of living, was.  Ukitake was the eldest of his siblings, and, being a dutiful son, he had an active role not only in their upbringing, but also in the maintenance of funds, and he played as much of a role as his parents in leading the family.  Shunsui had not told him much of his own life, which, in comparison, highlighted just how very privileged his upbringing had been, and how he had thrown away so many opportunities of good-doing to lead an aimless life that involved him skiving from lessons and generally failing purposely to live up to anyone’s expectations, least of all his own.  He’d been his own greatest disappointment, after all. He’d also learned that although Ukitake was stern when it came to lessons and attendance, he was also kind, and he would always smile warmly at him, even on this day, the day when the negative voices returned.

 

He did not smile back, but sat next to him anyway.  He stared blankly at their instructor, and barely flinched when he got told off for not paying attention.  He could feel Ukitake’s worry seep into his reiatsu as it reached out to him, but he could not get himself to care.  _ You big baby, you entitled freak _ , the voices in his head whispered, sneering.   _ You think he’d be your friend if he knew just what a huge disappointment you are? What a mess you’ve made of your life? _

 

_ Shut up, _ Shunsui replied forcefully, frowning at his desk.  Ukitake was looking at him, he could feel it, but he resolutely looked away, clenching his fists tightly.

 

_ You’re useless.  You’re best off alone, far away from anyone who can get hurt along with you.  You’re a burden. _

 

_ Shut up! _ Shunsui yelled, angrily, and suddenly the room went quiet, and Shunsui felt all the eyes in the room swivel to look at him.  His reiatsu stirred around him, restlessly, agitated. 

 

Ukitake reached out an arm, but Shunsui shrugged it away.  The hurt in his eyes stabbed at Shunsui’s heart, but the voices in his head were gleeful.   _ Good, you’re alienating him already.  He’ll hate you soon enough, and then you’ll be alone, alone, alone-- _ ”

 

He stood up abruptly, and said, gruffly, “May I be excused?” 

 

The instructor was looking bemused, but she nodded.  Shunsui bowed his head and practically ran out of the room, heading to the restroom further up the corridor.  He wanted to be alone, a safe place where he could fight the voices that threatened to spill the tears he was holding back.  He was meant to have left them behind, back home, where his insecurities lived, but they’d packed themselves in his head, and here they were, back to their old games.  

 

He closed the door behind him and sat down on the toilet lid, breathing evenly, feeling the close press of the four walls sheltering him from the outside world.  The quiet drip of water droplets was somewhat soothing, and the voices in his head grew quieter. “I can change,” he whispered to himself, and found himself disagreeing.  “I  _ must _ change,” he whispered more forcefully.  “I...I don’t want to be alone.”

 

“And you won’t be alone, Kyouraku-san.”

 

Shunsui jumped right out if his skin.  He’d been so engrossed in keeping his voices at bay that the new reiatsu entering the shared area escaped his notice.  He felt suddenly cornered. “You don’t know anything.”

 

Ukitake’s voice was firm when it echoed back an answer.  “I know what you’re trying to do, Kyouraku-san. You’re trying to alienate me, for some reason, so that you can sob alone and feel entitled to pity yourself.”

 

“So what if I am?  What do you care? You’ve had a perfect upbringing, didn’t you not?  Your parents loved you, cared for you. Mine didn’t give three shits about me.  It was always my brother this, my brother that. My brother, the hero of the family.”

 

“Your bitterness isn’t going to get you anywhere!  Grow up and realise that your own growth comes from within!”  Real anger tinged Ukitake’s words now, and fear crept into Shunsui’s heart - it was really happening, he was actually making an enemy out of the only person he’d befriended.

 

“Just...just leave me alone.”

 

Ukitake was silent, and then he left, his reiatsu leaving behind the static of a lightning storm, and Shunsui finally let the tears fall.

 

He curled up on himself, screaming silently as wave upon wave of negative thoughts washed over him.  He didn't know, and didn't understand, how and when and why this negativity stormed in at random moments of his life, and the not knowing part made him despair.  The moods were unpredictable and always left him feeling washed out and exhausted, capable only of sleeping and lying in bed in the dark.  Deep down in his heart, he knew most of these thoughts were irrational - he knew he wasn’t that bad of a person.  And yet, every bad thing he’d done up to that moment resurfaced, parading in his mind like a bad dream, taunting him with the knowledge that he was a terrible person, inflated and exacerbated beyond normal proportions.  As if Ukitake needed a friend like him, with all his moods and sadness, when he had so much more to contend with, things that were actually real, like his mysterious illness that struck silently and from nowhere, and here he was being a child over imaginary sadness which evolved from nothing except the deep, dark recesses of his brain.

 

He didn’t return to any of his classes that day.  He drank himself dry, and his despair was as dark as the blackout that followed.

 

He woke up feeling nauseous, and just lay there without opening his eyes.  Over the pounding headache, he slowly realised that he could feel another reiatsu, the calming ebb and flow of the sea calling to him gently, and he finally dared to open his eyes a crack.  

 

He was in the academy, but not in his room.  It was of similar structure to his room - all dorm rooms were the same in basic structure - but it somehow felt more homely.  Through his eyelashes, he could see mementos hanging from the walls, and he could see his rescuer dozing on his desk, and then the shame set in.  Why had he followed him? Had he followed him to mock him? Even as the thought passed his head, he pushed it away vehemently. Ukitake was not that kind of man.  Then, why? He’d been angry at him. Previous experience had taught him that people who were angry at him usually just left him to drown his sorrows in peace. But Ukitake was not like anyone he’d ever met before.  The pain in his head pulsed painfully, and, almost against his will, his eyes closed again, and his mind drifted off.

 

When he woke up again, it was day.  He could sense this even with his eyes closed, could see the orange light tinting his eyelids.  He felt mildly panicked - he was missing class, and he had no idea how many he’d already missed.  This was not something that usually worried him, notorious class-skipper that he was, but he felt as if he’d been improving somewhat recently, if only to impress Ukitake.  He opened his eyes warily, knowing the sun’s rays were likely to make his headache even worse. The room was empty, save a glass of steaming green tea and a piece of parchment paper.  Shunsui groaned and sat up, reaching for the cup and noticing that it was still warm. On the paper, in what he could recognise as Ukitake’s round lettering, he read:  _ Didn’t think you’d appreciate being woken up.  Drink this, it’ll help. I’ll bring back the notes for you.  You can stay here as long as you feel like, bath’s up the corridor.  I’ve reported you sick, so don’t worry about your classes. _

 

Shunsui remained standing there looking at the piece of paper for a long time, his mind completely blank.  Even his many ill-wishing voices were shocked into silence. Nothing he’d been through had prepared him for the most unexpected part of his school year so far - kindness.  Ukitake hadn’t taken the bait, he hadn’t resented him for throwing his life away. He hadn’t taken the easy way out and let him ruin his own life. With the gentleness of a mother looking after an unruly son, he’d picked him up from the floor and nursed him back to health.  What level of righteousness did this man possess that he could see in Shunsui someone who needed saving, someone who was  _ worth _ saving?

 

He finally stirred into action, drinking the now lukewarm tea and feeling some of the alcohol mists that clung to his eyes lift away.  He took Ukitake’s advice and took a bath, and when he left the room minutes later, he felt much more refreshed. He entered Ukitake’s quarters, sat down at his desk, and wrote him a reply.   _ Thanks for the help, Ukitake-san.  I appreciate more than I can write down in words.   _ He paused.  He could not fathom how to put words to the emotion he was feeling.  He felt close to crying.  _ Very few people have treated me like a person after I’ve tried to be so mean to them.  I guess I’m not used to people who are as kind as you.  _ Domo, _ Ukitake.     _

 

It was always there, the struggle between trying to be as truthful as possible and trying to not sound self-pitying.  Using hyperbolic terms like ‘I’ve never met any kind people’ may have been the actual truth, but Shunsui omitted it for fear of sounding too dramatic.  His insecurities always kept him in check when it came to such things - as if he needed to alienate anymore people. Then again, he wanted to make sure that Ukitake knew that his gestures were greatly appreciated.  He watched the ink dry silently, mulling over yesterday’s events. He knew he needed to thank Ukitake properly later on that day, but mostly he wanted to satisfy his burning curiosity to know why - why had he followed him?  It didn’t follow any shred of logic he could think of, and there was no price for Ukitake for saving the poor, disowned Kyouraku noble. He’d probably done it simply from the kindness of his heart, but it seemed that he would be stretching that explanation too far - after all, he did basically tell him to sod off back in the bathrooms a day ago.

 

He left the room feeling no less resolved, having first made sure that he had left everything as it were before.  He spent the rest of the day catching up to his classwork from the previous day - helpfully delivered by a neighbouring student the day before from his guess upon finding it heaped untidily on his overflowing desk - although his brain was still restless, still questioning, still burning with thoughts.  It wasn’t until all classes were done and he could feel the students’ reiatsu start to filter in through the thin walls as everyone returned to their dorms that the nervous anxiety set in.  Logically, Ukitake should still be resentful toward his behaviour. He needed to think of a way to apologise while also thanking him, making sure in the process to be respectful so as not to anger him further.

 

It was therefore a massive surprise when the familiar reiatsu drifted towards his door feeling no less calm than any other day.  He slid open the door, coming face to face with Ukitake, who was holding a bunch of papers and looking rather tired. He smiled wanly at Shunsui before sliding past him into his rooms, and Shunsui slid the door closed, his half-formed apologies slipping from his mind unsaid.  

 

“H-how was your day?” he stammered out, cursing himself for skirting the elephant in the room.

 

“Not very productive, I must admit,” Ukitake said somewhat unintelligibly round a huge yawn.  “I was very sleepy. After all, you did decide to vanish completely in the middle of the night, and I did have to track you to kami know where just from reiatsu reading.”

 

Shunsui swallowed.  “About that…”

 

Ukitake turned to him, and Shunsui was confused to see sadness and...guilt?  “I’m sorry, Kyouraku-kun. I failed you.” Then he bowed low, lower than he should have.  Shunsui felt his jaw drop.

 

“What in the seven hells are you doing?   _ I _ should be the one apologising!  I was a fool, as always, trying to drown my insecurities in drink, and pushing  _ you _ of all people away from me, how are you the one bowing down?”

 

Still bent forward, face towards the ground, Ukitake answered, “Because I failed to notice how crippling your insecurities were, and left you to face them alone.”

 

“You are not my mother to babysit!  You need not feel guilt!”

 

Ukitake straightened, a sad smile on his face.  “I am not your mother, Kyouraku-san. However, I had hoped that you would know, by now, that I am your friend.”

 

Shunsui sat down on the floor.  He was hardly aware of what he was doing in the light of him being so blindingly stupid.  Ukitake sat down opposite him, and was silent until Shunsui could speak again. “I truly am sorry, Ukitake-kun.  I owe you a hell of an explanation. I suffer from terrible insecurities, and I actively push people away so that they need not suffer from second-hand anger I let out.  I’ve never had friends who stuck with me through it all. I’m in no way doubting your friendship, but it’s all very hard to believe when I’ve never had proof before.” He lowered his head to the ground, pressing it firmly to the ground even as Ukitake made a sound of protest.  “Please accept my apology. I shall try harder not to succumb to my insecurities.”

 

Ukitake finally managed to make Shunsui rise.  He looked flustered. “I accept your apology, but you haven’t heard mine yet.  I knew you were going through...something, but I never pried. I should have been more present for you, and affirmed our friendship more often.  You needn’t do this alone...Shunsui.” Ukitake winced as he said that, but Shunsui felt actual tears well up in his eyes. He stood up, offering his hands to Ukitake, who took them, looking bewildered.  Still holding his hands, Shunsui pulled Ukitake towards him, and wrapped his arms around him. Ukitake huffed a small laugh, and hugged him back, echoing Shunsui back in the infirmary as he stroked Shunsui’s back, even as the latter dissolved into racking sobs.  “You’re an idiot, you know?” muttered Ukitake fondly, and Shunsui laughed through his tears, because it made sense now, it all made sense somehow. 

 

When he’d calmed down, a nagging thought finally made itself heard.  “Didn’t you sleep at all last night?”

 

Ukitake shook his head, but waved off the guilt in Shunsui’s eyes.  “I’m a big brother, Shunsui. My youngest siblings keep me awake constantly.  I’m used to skipping some nights of sleep. You didn’t ruin my already fitful sleeping schedule.”

 

Shunsui was not convinced, but Ukitake would have none of it.  Instead, Shunsui decided to address another thing. “So you finally dropped the honorifics, eh?”

 

Ukitake winced.  “I still feel like I’m disrespectful, but honorifics make you sound very stuffy, and they build lofty pedestals that separate people from each other.  So, to prove that you are indeed my friend, I thought it would be a useful first step.”

 

“Thank you...Juushirou.”  Shunsui tasted the word on his tongue.  It felt good, to use his name. This man was his first many things, it would appear.  

 

“Ah, it sounds so weird!  But a good weird.” With that, Juushirou slapped the pile of papers on Shunsui’s desk.  “So, guess what’s next!” he said in false cheeriness.

 

Shunsui groaned.  “No.”

 

Juushirou shrugged.  “I’m a good teacher.”

 

Shunsui sat down next to him.  “Seems I must take your word on it.”

 

It soon became apparent that he  _ was _ a good teacher, and kidō never seemed easier.  Finally, Juushirou slapped the final sheet of paper on the pile of notes they’d already gone through in jubilation.  “You’re all caught up now,” he said, satisfied. 

 

“Juushirou...thank you.”

 

“You’ve said enough thank you’s for an entire year.”

 

“I mean it.”

 

“I did it because I wanted to.  So you needn’t thank me. After all, you have helped me too.  As friends do. They help each other grow.”

 

Shunsui smiled at him.  “You’re quite poetic.”

 

Juushirou scoffed.  “Said you, candidate for top place as notorious wooer of this school.”

 

Shunsui laughed.  “Touché.” 

 

Juushirou stood up and swayed on the spot.  Shunsui caught his sleeve and steadied him. “I’m alright,” he said sleepily, and made towards the door. 

 

Shunsui stopped him by yanking on his sleeve.  “I don’t trust you to not fall asleep in the middle of the corridor.  Also, I heard talk of a party happening in one of the rooms next to yours, and I think you deserve some quiet rest, don’t you think?”

 

Juushirou seemed to be too tired to think.  “I guess?”

 

“Just sleep on the futon there,” Shunsui pointed to the far end of the room, and Juushirou nodded, then seemed to realise that their was only one futon.  Before he could protest, Shunsui said, “I have a spare set of bedsheets, I’ll think of something. Just sleep.”

 

Juushirou spread out on the futon and within minutes was asleep.  Shunsui stared wonderingly at him. “How the heck did he fall asleep so fast?” he muttered to himself as he set about pulling bed sheets out of a cupboard and stacking them on the floor.  He added some of his most expensive kimonos (gifts from his parents, and therefore not his most fond possessions) to cushion him from the floor, and then he lay down on his bedding, and spent the remainder of the time till he fell asleep in awe at the events that had transpired that day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god thank you all for the lovely response from chapter 1! I was so overwhelmed, thank you so much <3 I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well!


	3. The stars shone bright in his eyes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So heads up: for anyone who still hasn't read the manga, there are spoilers from Volume 71/72. Also, I changed canon a little bit to fit the storyline in the future. Sorry @Kubo
> 
> I did read through this a few times, but as I don't have a beta currently I might have missed a few things, so please bear with me and thank you <3

The year that followed was an interesting one.  Shunsui didn’t stop feeling sorry for himself, or drowning his sorrows in drink and beautiful women.  However, he never did repeat the events of that day, because Juushirou was there with him. Whenever he went out drinking, he would leave a note or some such, and Juushirou would follow him when he’d find it, and sit with him as he sobbed into his drink, making sure to deliver him safely to his rooms when he’d had enough.  More often than not, after nights like these, Shunsui would crash over at Juushirou’s dorm room, drifting off to the sound of Juushirou’s pen scratching the parchment paper, and the lull of his voice as he hummed to himself. Sometimes, when he’d been invited to one of the many parties by one of his many admirers, he’d drag Juushirou with him, who’d go reluctantly, not because he wouldn’t be welcomed (which he always was - his charm had more than half the student body in thrall with him, even considering how sickly he was), but mostly because he’d want to finish his assignment, usually due the next month.  Shunsui would usually manage to convince him to join, and then enjoy the sight of Juushirou blushing furiously at any move made on him. It was interesting to note that men made him blush fiercer than women, but it was also interesting that he always rejected any kind of offer. He’d do it gently, even if his ears burned bright in defiance of his calm outer exterior. And even though Shunsui would tease him mercilessly afterwards, he’d always stick to his choices, never looking him in the eye, pink dusting his cheeks and nose in embarrassment.

 

That spring brought with it news from home.  His sister in law had given birth to a daughter, as was traditional of the Ise clan, and called her Nanao.  He’d gone home to visit them, and found out his brother had been taken ill. His wife never smiled during that period.  There had been deadly silence in the entire village.  _ It is the Ise curse _ , they said, whispering in the corridors of the main estate and walking in hushed clusters down the serpentine roads.   _ It’s come to take the Kyouraku heir.  _

 

It was at his deathbed that his brother truly acknowledged him for the first time.  He'd been kneeling beside him when his brother had turned towards him, clutching the hairpin his wife had given him, identical to her own, and had pressed it into Shunsui’s hand.  Shunsui had not uttered a single word, but had felt a weight lower his shoulders at the heaviness of the gesture. His brother had died soon after, and the entire household was draped in mourning for an entire week.  His wife, the beautiful heiress of the Ise name, was silent, her gentle smile replaced by awful, heart-wrenching sorrow, clutching her tiny daughter to her chest. Shunsui had clutched the hairpin to his chest, the only sign of any inner turmoil that he’d let show.

 

When he had returned to school, the nightmares began.  He would wake up screaming at night, and no one could manage to calm him down the first time that it had happened, until someone summoned the only person they could think of - Juushirou - who had come running from his room and held him in his arms as he shivered violently, almost blacking out with the sheer intensity of the nameless terror that had took over him.  When he’d calmed down, Juushirou had insisted on staying with him, and eventually the school board had allowed for his permanent moving in, for the sake of Shunsui’s mental health. 

 

This arrangement carried them into their second year.  The nightmares were lesser, then. The period of time where he hadn’t seen Juushirou, back when he was living at home again, had made him realise how much he’d come to depend on his presence, and it was a great relief to go back to seeing him daily.  When he’d laid eyes on him again, he’d noticed that Juushirou looked better. The thin quality of his face had lost some of its gauntness, and it was easier to see the quiet beauty that graced him. 

 

Juushirou’s hair was growing ever longer, the tips of it now grazing the curving sweep of his collarbones.  Shunsui had asked, one day, about the beauty of his hair and its unusual colour. Juushirou had appeared taken aback.  “Beautiful?” he had asked. “I guess I never thought of it as such. It changed from black when I was very young, across a three day period where I was severely ill.  I guess I had always seen it as a reminder of the thing that keeps me back.”

 

Shunsui had not known what to say for a while.  Finally he said, consideringly, “I would see it as a mark of victory.”  When Juushirou had looked at him quizzically, he added, to clarify, “You went through hell and survived, and there’s your proof.  Your hair doesn’t make you weak. Your hair is a statement that you’re stronger than hell.”

 

Juushirou had stared at him with a look that made Shunsui’s heart stop beating, veins clogged with an unnamed emotion.  “You think so?” he had asked, hesitantly.

 

Shunsui had nodded earnestly.  “I know so.”

 

***

He was watching that hair now, as he lay on his futon, looking at Juushirou across the room as the latter read a book.  His eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration, nose hovering close to the pages as if he could somehow inhale the words off the pages.  Shunsui supposed he should be doing something too, but looking at Juushirou work was always so calming. Juushirou ran a delicate finger across the spine of his book, and then looked over to where Shunsui was lying.  Caught staring unabashedly at him, he grinned and waved.

 

“I could feel your eyes boring into me.  Shouldn’t you be studying? Yamamoto-san won’t be too impressed by your Hollow-cleansing-techniques as they are now, you know.”

 

Shunsui sighed.  “But reading is boring.”

 

Juushirou rolled his eyes.  “You’re worse than my little brother.  Can you at least be bothered to listen?”

 

Without waiting for an answer, he began reading, his words enunciated perfectly and clearly, voice strong and unwavering, clear signs that he was used to this.  Shunsui let them wash over him like the waves on a shore at midday, basking in the light of Juushirou’s presence, trying not to let them lull him to sleep.

 

In the end, Yamamoto-san was still not very impressed by his Hollow-cleansing-techniques, or by anything he did, really.  Juushirou dominated the practical class, despite the coughing fit that almost threatened to crumple him to the ground. His reiatsu helped him regain his composure, of course.  Shunsui had lost count of how many teachers seemed overwhelmed by how massive it was for a student like him. Of course, he’d heard similar comments about his, but his wasn’t that unexpected - after all, his entire family were nobles of great renown for their abilities and matching reiatsu.  But Juushirou was low-born, and his eyes were not expected to flash with such power as to dim the ones from higher houses.

 

Shunsui guessed that it was his strength that he really admired.  Since he’d commented about his hair, Juushirou had taken to growing it longer, finally seeming to take pride in it.  His determination to prove to everyone that he’d been strong enough to beat hell seemed lesser than the determination he needed to prove it to himself, but he was working on it, channelling his doubts into long hours of training.  When they chose their asauchi, he would train with it for hours after classes, sometimes exhausting himself beyond the normal limit. Shunsui had taken to going with him, not just to help him train, but also to force him to stop. It was as if their previous roles had been reversed, and it was Shunsui who was trying to keep Juushirou from self-destructing now.  

 

This day was one of such days.  They were both breathing hard, sweat dripping into their eyes and making their grips on the hilts slippery.  They circled the bales of hay that were still standing amidst the carnage of the rest of the targets, but Shunsui was not paying attention to how he would strike.  He was more aware of Juushirou’s flagging breath, and how his hands were shaking as they gripped the sword. He straightened out of his ready pose and sheathed his sword, walking towards Juushirou, who was so concentrated he hardly seemed to notice that Shunsui had moved at all.  He only noticed him when Shunsui placed a hand on the hilt of Juushirou’s sword, fingers grazing the other man’s overlapping ones. “We should rest.”

 

Juushirou looked at him as if through a haze.  “What do you mean? We’ve only just begun.”

 

“We’ve been at it for almost two hours.”

 

Juushirou looked confused.  “Two hours?”

 

Shunsui nodded patiently.  Juushirou finally seemed to realise that his hands were shaking, and his feet collapsed beneath him as a wave of exhaustion hit him.  Shunsui sat down next to him with much more finesse, and they remained in silence for a while. Finally, Shunsui decided to speak his mind.  “You do not have to prove anything, Juushirou. You are overworking yourself.”

 

Juushirou looked defiant, but his eyes lowered.  He didn’t say anything, and Shunsui pressed on. “We all know you’re strong, Juushirou.  You just have to believe it too.”

 

“It’s my stamina,”  Juushirou said finally.  “I can’t maintain it for long before my lungs betray me.”

 

“We all have our strengths and weaknesses, Juushirou.  If your stamina is low, expand your powers in different ways that do not rely heavily on stamina.”

 

Juushirou looked wretched.  “I want to fight properly, not be some half-assed unseated soldier who is always kept out of everything because of his health.”

 

Shunsui retorted, becoming frustrated, “Do you hear yourself?  You’re being ridiculous! Your reiatsu can fell a horse from a distance, and you’re only getting better!  You’re amazing, Juushirou, and I won’t have you put yourself down needlessly!”

 

Juushirou suddenly huffed out a laugh.  “Seems like the tables have turned.”

 

Shunsui batted him in the shoulder, and Juushirou let the movement topple him backwards.  He landed on the hay strewn on the ground, and closed his eyes, his breathing regaining a measure of regularity.  Shunsui watched him, feeling unsaid words churning in his brain but not knowing how to express them.

 

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Shunsui.”  Juushirou never opened his eyes, just lay there and waited, and eventually, Shunsui complied. 

 

“Who are you trying to be?”

 

Juushirou didn’t answer him immediately.  He cracked his eyes open and gave Shunsui a searching look.  When he answered, it wasn’t an answer Shunsui had expected. “The ideal version of me.”

 

“Is it working?”

 

“Not really.  This really isn’t me at all, is it?”

 

Shunsui was silent.  This was not a question that he should answer - it was one directed to Juushirou himself.  In the silence, Shunsui gazed at Juushirou, wondering if the same worry he felt towards him was equal to the one he had subjected Juushirou to on his own self-destructive paths.  

 

It was getting late.  After all, they had to train after all the lessons had ended, and that particular day had been gruelling, with lectures extending for much of the day.  The stars were beginning to appear, shining gaudily at Shunsui through the windows. His eyes were starting to droop, the training having taken what little energy he’d had left.  

 

The sound of displaced hay drew his attention to the fact that Juushirou had sat up.  He stifled a laugh at the pieces of hay that clung to Juushirou’s hair, and he reached forward to pluck them out, feeling bright green eyes watching him.  He let his fingers graze his hair as he removed the last strand, and became suddenly aware of how quiet the room was. He put some space between them, playing with the stray pieces of hay to avoid looking at Juushirou, who breathed heavily through his nose as if to compose himself.  “Well, I guess we’d best be off to rest.” 

 

Shunsui looked up, and found himself facing a tired, shrewd smile.  “So you’ve decided to return to your senses?” he said lightly, pushing himself off the ground and dusting himself off before offering both hands to Juushirou, who took them without hesitation and helped himself up.

 

“I have.  Your words pulled me to my senses.  Thanks for voicing your feelings.” His smile brightened, and Juushirou transformed before him, becoming the man he’d come to know, and not the hollow husk that had been overworking himself to reach limits that he needn’t reach.  He gave a small bow, which would have been lower had Shunsui not gripped his shoulders to stop him. 

 

“I have grown quite fond of you, Juushirou.  To lose you from overexertion would have been terrifying,” he said lightly, voice not betraying the emotion behind the words.  He let Juushirou look up at him, before continuing, with a shite-eating grin, “Who else would pester me till I finished all my assignments?  I helped you out of purely selfish reasons.”

 

Juushirou looked affronted, but his eyes were laughing.  He seemed unable to come up with a good, witty response, so all he said was, “Huh.”  He pretended to storm out in a huff, and Shunsui could do nothing but follow, chuckling quietly to himself.

 

Night had fallen fully, and the chill wrapped itself around him like a delicate shroud, clinging to his limbs and eliciting a shiver out of him.  It was a beautiful, clear evening, and the moon was a perfect crescent. He caught up to Juushirou, who was too mesmerised by the sky to continue his charade of being hurt.  Shunsui slowed his pace to match his, and they walked the remainder of the way to the dorms in peaceable silence, allowing the night sounds do the talking. Knowing that it was not a school night gave Shunsui an idea.  “Hey, Juushirou.”

 

Juushirou looked at him, the moon reflected in his eyes, and Shunsui suppressed a shiver.  “Hmm?” 

 

“Follow me.”

 

Juushirou cast his gaze at their dorms, as if considering it, but Shunsui knew him better than to believe this.  When he turned back towards him, he was grinning.

 

They snuck out of the school grounds, Shunsui leading the way.  He knew it well from the times he used it to sneak out to the nearest town.  He led them to a place he’d seldom pass by, but whenever he did, it always struck him as oddly beautiful.  It was off the main path, and they had to pass through some rough patches of knotted grass and twisted trees to reach it, but the gasp that came from Juushirou was worth the few scratches on Shunsui’s knees.

 

A lake stretched out before them, a lake so large that it made Shunsui wonder how it had remained so well-hidden.  Juushirou had stepped towards the edge of the water, looking at the moon mirrored in the lake against a backdrop of starlight, its surface broken occasionally by the faintest breath of wind.  As soft as the breeze, Juushirou whispered, “It’s beautiful… How did you even find it?”

 

Shunsui sat down on a small grassy knoll beside the water’s edge.  Juushirou was still standing, evidently too awed to follow Shunsui’s example.  Shunsui tried to remember exactly when he’d stumbled upon the site. “I believe it was after a barman had chased me out before I became too drunk.  Must have felt too sick to properly reach the dorms, so I must have decided to rest a bit in this closed off clearing, and then I saw this.”

 

Juushirou finally sat down, resting his back against Shunsui’s drawn-up knees.  “I know I usually condemn your drinking habits, but I may have to commend you on this find.”

 

Shunsui chuckled.  Juushirou was fidgeting, sliding his body lower so that he could lean more comfortably on Shunsui’s legs, using his knees as a head rest.  His hair fell in disarray over Shunsui’s legs, and the stark contrast between its brilliance and the darkness of the night surrounding him served to compliment the scene perfectly.  Shunsui’s fingers ached to run through it, but contented himself instead on observing the stray hairs that abandoned formation and took to the wind. “Today was...a day,” he said into the silence.

 

Juushirou hummed, his eyes closing.  “Thank you,” he replied. “Sometimes I wonder whether you have come to know me better than I know myself.”  Shunsui tried to protest, but Juushirou stopped him. “You know, when I first saw you lying on that infirmary bed, I thought you had the look of an abandoned puppy.”  At Shunsui’s confused silence, he elaborated. “You looked young and alone. And I sensed deep sadness from you.” He smiled then, and his eyes blinked open, catching Shunsui’s.  “I don’t feel that sadness anymore. Not that it’s gone completely, but I think you’re finally accepting yourself.”

 

Shunsui stopped and thought about it.  His reiatsu must have given off the sense of shocked realisation he was feeling because Juushirou started laughing at him.  “Don’t laugh at me!” he whined petulantly, which only made Juushirou laugh harder.

 

“We’re a right pair,” he said finally, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes.  “I think the kami in the skies looked at us and thought that we’d do well to look after each other.”

 

“The kami in the skies are merciful indeed if they gave me such a person as you.”  The words had not yet left his mouth when something suddenly fit into the puzzle his brain had been putting together over the last months.  Even as Juushirou blushed and said nothing, letting the night speak for him, he knew at that moment what his heart had known for so long, and what his brain was just catching up to.

 

His heart shuddered against his rib cage as if scolding him for taking him so long to notice that it belonged almost entirely to another.  He found his lungs less willing to comply with this news than his brain, breath suddenly coming out in a rush. Juushirou seemed unaware of the meteor that had just struck Shunsui, which was extremely lucky for Shunsui, who was still trying to recover, somewhat unsuccessfully.  The stars still shone as brightly as before, the breeze still caught their hair lazily and sent it flying, the moon still stared, vacantly and beautifully, down at them, but he was in love. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been before, it was just that the curtains had finally been drawn from his eyes, and he could see clearly for the first time in months.

 

Juushirou stirred, and Shunsui remembered himself.  “Maybe we should head back.”

 

Juushirou seemed reluctant to move.  “You’re right,” he finally whispered, as if cautious to not disturb the silence of the night.  “But it’s so beautiful.”

 

_ Like you _ , Shunsui’s mind readily supplied, and Shunsui blushed at how readily he almost said it.  Instead, he forced out a light laugh. “We can make a habit of this.”

 

Juushirou beamed.  “I’d love that. Do you suppose you can watch the sunset from here?  I have never actually seen it.”

 

Shunsui’s heart was saying  _ yes _ with each frenzied thump, and Shunsui had to fight to remain neutral in tone.  “It’s quite an open area, I think it would make a good spot for sunset watching.”

 

Juushirou stood up, as if the news had energised him.  “Well, it’s a must, then.” He leaned down and gave Shunsui a hand.  Shunsui took it and allowed himself to be half hauled up, stumbling a bit and ending up too close to Juushirou, who was looking at him with eyes full of starlight.  Shunsui’s breath caught. Where words failed him, actions pulled him through. He leaned in and hugged him, burying his nose in the fabric of his clothes. Juushirou froze for a few breaths, but returned the gesture nevertheless, resting a hand at the back of Shunsui’s head with a casual fondness that went straight through his heart like an arrow.  “You’re in a weird mood today,” he observed, not unkindly. “Do you need to talk?”

 

Shunsui shook his head, and said, voice muffled by cloth, “You’re the one who went through shit today, and yet you’re still offering to help me?”

 

Juushirou smiled his secret smile, the one that looked as if he knew something Shunsui didn’t.  “Offering help is always an option, whether or not I needed help of my own earlier on.”

 

“Well, yes.”

 

Juushirou shook his shoulders.  “You don’t seem convinced.”

 

“I hate to burden you, you know this.”

 

Juushirou looked up at him, and Shunsui, try as he might, could not find any hint of disappointment in his eyes, only boundless patience.  “I’ve told you often, dear friend, that you don’t burden me with words. I’d prefer knowing your state of mind, and helping you through it with what limited help I can offer, then have you suffer in silence.”  Old guilt flashed in his eyes, and Shunsui ached to wipe it away. “I ignored you once. It was a time too many. It won’t happen again.”

 

“You know it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“It was mostly mine, if not all.  I should have heard your silent plea.”

 

Shunsui shook his head, and now he was smiling.  “Look at us, going over this again. I’ve long forgiven anything that needed forgiving, which really was nothing in my view of things.”

 

Juushirou looked back at the moon, as if his eyes were constantly inexorably drawn to it.  He seemed to be avoiding looking at Shunsui directly, possibly because he still could not forgive himself.  Shunsui thought some more, and finally said, “If you still think you should have heard my ‘silent plea’ or whatever, be it as you say.  However, you can rest your heart knowing that the help you’re provided me with all these weeks and months have more than buried that in the past.  I owe you my sanity, and my happiness.”

 

Juushirou still looked at the moon, but the light reflected in his eyes shone a bit brighter as it reflected off tears.  “Even when I try to help you,” he said with a choked voice, “you still end up helping me.”

 

Shunsui grinned.  “Miracles happen.”

 

Juushirou laughed.  “Stop putting yourself down,” he scolded gently.  “You’re the gentlest soul I know, you big-hearted buffoon.”

 

Shunsui laughed hard at his tone, caught between anger and affection, and Juushirou batted his hands mock-angrily at his shoulders, and then they finally remembered that they should be heading back to their dorm.

 

Later that night, as he listened to Juushirou’s soft, steady breaths, he let himself finally acknowledge the truth in his heart’s delirious pounding - the feeling course through him as surely as blood ran its course around his body.  

 

Was this what it felt like, to fall for someone for who they are, rather for the physical attraction one feels for them?

 

He thought about it, and yes, Juushirou was beautiful.  He’d known this since the moment he’d seen him in the infirmary, even as debilitated as he had been, but it had never clouded his judgement, never made him weak at the knees, or made him want to pursue him to the ends of the earth.  It was just a graceful feature to a far greater beauty that his friend possessed, a beauty that lies within. And he knew he’d fallen for that first, his gentleness, his astuteness, his awareness of things in Shunsui’s mind that he himself could not picture, his utter devotion to justice, and yet also his craftiness, his mischievous side, the nimbleness of his fingers as he worked at whatever odd job needed to be done, be it sewing or knitting, you name it, he could do it.  His beauty drew him in differently, and yet without the excess of passion that came so quickly and faded just as fast. These were impressions that lasted - the way his eyes showed his every expression, the way his hair never seemed to be out of place, his collarbones and jawline lending him an added gracefulness that made his knees go weak, the way he walked, the way he laughed - he stopped himself with a silent laugh. How long had it been since Juushirou had owned his heart completely?

 

He slept with some apprehension.  How would his life change, now that he would live in this new-found awareness, without hope of reciprocation?    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you all for reading this, I love all of you <3 Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you again in 2 weeks time!


	4. The red blood stark against the blankets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning: Juushirou's illness and Shunsui's anxiety make a comeback!

 

Change, he would find out, was something that did in fact happen, that he felt with each breath he took, and with each pattern his heart beat out.  He realised that he would notice things that would have otherwise escaped him. He would notice Juushirou sweeping his hair, which was steadily getting longer, behind his ears, and would be momentarily stunned by the casual beauty emanating from him.  He would find himself staring at him from across the classroom as he made his point to one of their teachers, and more often than not he would be jostled out of his silent admiration by one of his class friends, who’d smirk at him knowingly. It seemed that everyone knew or had guessed at this point, except Juushirou himself, who breezed through life with a casual nonchalance that should have infuriated Shunsui had he not known how such things seemed to completely fly past Juushirou completely.

 

To get away from the painfulness of his new reality, he starting frequenting his old habits, never actually drinking as much as he used to, but nevertheless keeping up the appearance of being drunk, enough to satisfy many students into thinking that it was just Shunsui being Shunsui and lusting after someone in his normal, self-destructing manner.  He still found it useful to keep up that image - it would always be something he had the upper hand in. No one truly knew him beneath that exterior, except of course Juushirou, and he liked to keep it that way. 

 

He also started visiting his sister-in-law more often, being wary to write home in advance to stop his mother from complaining at his unexpected appearance. He would always be amazed at how fast the little one grew.  She had jet-black hair, just like her mother, truly a daughter of the Ise clan. A residual sadness still resided in her mother’s eyes, along with a gravity that hadn’t been present before, but she smiled just as kindly as she always did, and Shunsui, as always, could feel at home there.  

 

It was on one of these visits that he received a letter from the Academy from one of his classmates.  Naturally, as soon as he tore it open and read its contents, he panicked, rushing out of the room and almost bowling over the poor servant who had delivered it to him.  He was usually more in control of his feelings, and panic rarely made an appearance in the range of emotions he displayed. However, a certain worry had been gnawing at his brain for a few weeks now, a worry concerning Juushirou and his health.  Juushirou never talked much in length about it, but, on Shunsui’s request, kept him updated. Recently, however, after a particularly harsh winter that had left its marks in the splatters of blood spilt over snow-white sheets in the middle of the night, Juushirou had seemed to have not been recovering properly.  Of course, Juushirou had often told him not to worry about him, but Shunsui, who was born with an innate worry over anyone whom he cared for (including the neighbourhood cats back at home, the servants, the cooks...the list goes on and on), could not heed his words. 

 

The news that the letter had delivered sent him rushing back to the Academy with hardly a goodbye thrown behind his back.  Juushirou had apparently collapsed in a corridor and was being treated in the infirmary, and the prognosis was still unclear, but nothing seemed too hopeful.  His worry now had a backing. 

 

He made it back at record speed, but wasn’t allowed immediately into the infirmary.  The way back had been riddled with worry that had stolen his breath and had left him gasping at intervals from the lack of it.  He had used  _ shunpo _ whenever he could, but he had never been quite good at that, and he had soon exhausted his reiatsu.  He had then proceeded to walk the rest on rapidly tiring legs, feeling himself go impossibly slow against time that would not wait for him.  As he walked, his fear had kept him company, whispering in his ears and clinging to his hair, dragging him back, slowing him down. Panic had liquefied his knees and tightened his lungs, and he had felt so light-headed that he had had to force himself to stop.  As he had kneeled there in the dust, the Academy in sight over the horizon, he had inadvertently let open the doors of worry that had been incessantly rattling in his mind. A flood of anxiety had burst through, snippets of thoughts swirling haphazardly in his mind, sometimes being snatched from the whirlpool of negativity and brought forth, centre-stage in his mind’s eye.

 

_ Go faster! _

_ Weakling. _

_ What if he dies? _

_ He’s going to die! _

_ I left him alone! _

_ Selfish! _

_ He’s alone. _

_ You left him alone. _

_ He’s going to die alone. _

_ He’s not going to die! _

 

At that point, he had taken a deep breath, and straightened up.  With an almost physical effort, he had closed the doors of worry in his mind, trying to visualise the process.  He had inhaled deeply, expelling the darkness within him, and had gathered up every last dreg of energy from the depths of himself, and had sprinted the way back to the Academy.  He had arrived completely and utterly exhausted, mentally and physically, drained of both energy and reiatsu, having completed a half-day’s journey in a third of the time it usually took him.

When he was finally allowed into the infirmary, some healers crowded round him in concern at his state, but he waved them off.  He recognised one of the healers, the one with the beautiful, long hair, but this time she was no longer smiling. He tried to ask her for Juushirou’s whereabouts, but his voice came out sounding weak and hoarse.  He tried again, and managed to sound coherent. She frowned slightly, but ushered him to a waiting room, where she spoke in a quick, low voice, explaining exactly what had happened after doing a quick check on his own health, worry creasing her eyebrows with each flagging breath he took.

 

Juushirou had been found passed out in one of the corridors that led to the training barracks.  It had become apparent that he’d been coughing some time before, and possible passed out due to some effect of his illness.  It had also taken some time between him passing out and someone actually finding him, seeing as the training barracks he was heading to were the ones farther outside, the ones that not many people used.  He’d not regained consciousness yet, and his breathing rate was dangerously low. Shunsui listened raptly, feeling guiltier by the second. The healer left him alone soon after she finished the story to rejoin the team of healers that were locked up in a room with Juushirou, leaving Shunsui alone with his thoughts.  These ranged from self-blaming to extreme guilt, and he hardly noticed the wide berth other visitors and healers were giving him until one of them finally had to courage to wade through his despairing reiatsu and tap him on the shoulder to inform him about it. He apologised profusely and quickly gathered his reiatsu, feeling slightly embarrassed that he’d been projecting all those negative emotions on everyone.  After that, he spent much of his time concentrating on reeling in his thoughts and emotions, the energy it took keeping busy and unaware of his own increasing exhaustion.

 

It was well past midnight when the same healer came out of the room, eyes sunken and hair in disarray.  It had been hours of gut-wrenching fear and hours more of suppressing the intensity of that fear from leaking into his surroundings, and Shunsui jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her, head immediately swimming with dizziness at the suddenness of the movement.  His eyes spoke loud enough for him not to actually voice the question burning within them. “He’s awake, and asking for you,” she said, her voice hoarse and hollow with exhaustion.

 

Shunsui might have actually cried with relief.  “Can I see him?”

 

She smiled tiredly, her eyes knowing a bit too much for Shunsui’s liking.  “He’s tired - it was a pretty gruelling healing session. He also has quite a fever which was induced by the kidô we used, but he’s a strong one.  He’s also starving, so let me strike a deal with you - you have until he eats to stay next to him. He needs to rest, and so do you. I’ll tell the kitchen to make an extra portion for you, I’m sure you haven’t eaten anything for the best part of today.”

 

Shunsui thanked her profusely, bowing his head, earning a blush from the drained lady.  He watched her as she walked to the kitchen, gathering his courage to walk into Juushirou’s room because he knew he wasn’t ready for what he had to see.  

 

“Is that you, Shunsui?”  

 

Shunsui jumped.  He’d forgotten how good Juushirou had become at reading reiatsu signatures from distances.  Hearing how frail his voice sounded seemed to be the thing he needed to finally steel himself and walk the short distance to the door, sliding it open and entering the room.

 

He had tried to prepare himself for the worst, but he was still shocked nonetheless.  Juushirou looked like a meagre shadow of himself. His hair was gathered up and tied back with a ribbon, evidently to keep it away from his mouth so as not to stain it with blood.  His cheeks were hollow and his eyes were hooded, dark circles framing them, dark as fresh bruises. His skin was so thin it seemed almost translucent, and it seemed that he’d coughed up all the blood in his body judging by how pale he was.  However, confusingly, he was still smiling, and it lit up his face. Shunsui felt his knees suddenly go weak. He sat down abruptly on the bed beside Juushirou, and at that point he knew with certainty that he was crying.

 

“I look a sight, don’t I?”  Juushirou said hoarsely, voice barely recognisable.

 

“I’m sorry I was away, I should have been here with you -”

 

“Don’t be silly,” Juushirou said with some difficulty, coughing halfway through the sentence.  “My coughing fits are unpredictable, and my illness even more so. I should have been more careful, especially after the winter that has just passed.”  He motioned for Shunsui to move closer to him, and Shunsui obliged. Juushirou reached out and wiped away the tears from Shunsui’s eyes, which made him cry harder.  Juushirou seemed to be laughing a bit helplessly, repeating over and over again, “I’m alright, I’m alright!”

 

“I was so...so  _ scared _ …I would not have forgiven myself if...if…”

 

“Shunsui, look at me.”  When Shunsui remained as he was, Juushirou repeated his statement more firmly.  Shunsui finally complied, and was met with steely determination that seemed almost out of place in the situation, had it been anyone but Juushirou.  But it was Juushirou, and the material his very being was wrought out of was much tougher than life itself, it seemed. Shunsui shivered, the emotion rising within him indescribable.  Juushirou cleared his throat, wincing painfully, before he started speaking. “My life has an expiry date that follows me around closely, waiting for the weak moments to strike and take me away.  So I’ve learnt to live each day as if it might be my last. I’ve learnt to appreciate life, and all its little quirks, falls, heights, and even all its monotonous moments, just because they’re the minutes and hours of my life that I’m still experiencing.  My death is inevitable. But my life is mine to live it. If I die, I would have you know that you are one of the heights of my life.  Guilt is not something you should feel if, and when, I die .  Remember this, Shunsui.”  

 

Shunsui could see that his eyes were glazed with fever, but they burned with more than just that - they were truthful.  “I’m honoured,” he began, and his voice cracked, so he started over again. “I’m honoured that you would consider me as such.  However, you are the biggest height of my life, and losing you would be…”

 

He could not continue, because imagining it brought a fresh wave of tears.  The death of his brother had been the door that opened the very real knowledge that everyone around him could die and was susceptible to death, and it suddenly made Juushirou’s death seem all the more real and much more tangible.  His heart felt close to bursting with emotions he could not give voice to, thinking upon a future that could be his present at any given time. 

 

“I’m not going to die just yet,”  Juushirou said with a tired smile, both hands now pressed to Shunsui’s face as tears ran freely down his cheeks.  “You won’t get rid of me that easily!” His voice shook noticeably, and even through his own despair, Shunsui could feel the emotional turmoil roiling off Juushirou as he too seemed to realise how  desperately lonely both of them would be if one was to go missing.

 

It took both of them some time to calm down enough, and it took Shunsui even longer to compose himself fully and finally begin to answer Juushirou’s many questions about his visit to his sister-in-law.  Shunsui spoke animatedly about his baby niece, and how fast she could gobble up her food, making a small remark about how she could compete with Juushirou and win. Food came soon after that, and Juushirou, always a fast eater, almost inhaled his food, as if negating the earlier point Shunsui had made.  Shunsui wasn’t much slower, having not had a bite to eat in so many hours. Of course, when their meals came to an end, he remembered his promise to the healer, and regretfully said his goodbyes, lingering for as long as he could.

 

“Thank you for visiting me,” Juushirou said sweetly, his eyes clearer despite the fever that still coloured his cheeks red and his all-encompassing exhaustion.  Shunsui felt his heart twinge, and he longed to do something - anything - that would convey just how much he would rather spend the night there in his company, even if it meant sleeping on the cold, unforgiving stone, than return to their warm, but empty, room.  Instead, he reached over and grabbed Juushirou’s hand. Not having thought the rest of his actions out, he awkwardly held it up, and was about to let go when surprisingly, Juushirou pulled him towards him from it. He placed a gentle kiss on Shunsui’s knuckles, and Shunsui’s mind suddenly exploded with questions.  “I appreciate all you have done to me, but I bid you, do not worry about me. Go sleep,” Juushirou yawned as he finished the sentence, and the firm gentleness of his tone gave nothing away, no hint as to the reason behind his actions. Shunsui had to conclude, painfully, that it must have been some joint action of the fever muddying his thought processes and his overflowing sense of gratitude, even as his fingers ghosted over the kissed skin as if revering a sacred fabric. 

 

If his voice sounded a bit strained, Juushirou didn’t notice.  “Well, I’ll be taking your advice. Good night.”

 

Juushirou nodded sleepily, and Shunsui turned away, pressing the same hand to his chest as if his heartache had transcended thoughts and became real.

 

Morning broke at six, but Shunsui was already awake long before that.  He was sitting on the low roofs, watching the sun rise, waiting for 6:30 to come by.  The infirmary opened at that time, but visiting hours weren’t until much later. However, he hoped he would manage to convince the lovely lady who always spared him a nice smile at the reception area to let him sneak in for just five minutes to bid Juushirou a good morning.  Usually, Juushirou would awaken at around 7, but Shunsui had no clue as to whether his previous night’s exhaustion would have an effect on how long he would consequently sleep the following morning. 

 

He yawned, stretching his arms above his head, feeling the first warm ray of sun caress his face, melting away the early morning chill.  He’d had a lot to mull over in the night - in fact, he’d had a restless sleep, when he could even manage to fall asleep in the first place.  Worry had battled with a terrible case of lovesickness, and in the battle there was no victor. After all, they were both sourced from his strong feelings towards Juushirou, both as a friend and as something more.  The kiss had confirmed to him just how deeply his feelings ran. This wasn’t just a superficial liking, this was the real thing. His bones ached with it, his lungs whispered it over and over with each breath he took, his heart affirmed it with each beat.  He knew that the intensity of the feeling would be felt just as strong if his feelings were spurned, and thus alongside the elation of first real love coursed the feeling of immense dread. Hope made war against hope, and so absorbed was he in his thoughts that he hardly noticed the time pass until he felt the reiatsu of his fellow classmates stir awake.

 

He gave the sky one last look, admiring the way light seeped its way across the darkness like watercolours mingling on paper, before he dropped the short distance to the floor.  He decided not to reenter the dorms but instead take the shortcut to the infirmary by completely skirting the dorm building. The infirmary was apart from the main buildings, situated in a quiet area of the massive grounds of the Academy, next to a medium-sized pond filled with koi, their bright hues meandering through the lazy water soothingly.  It was there that he found Juushirou, sitting on a folding chair, his hair still pulled back by a ribbon, a different one today. He looked up as Shunsui stopped in his tracks, and gazed at him with a faint half-smile, as if expecting the reaction he was about to receive. He looked regal, his haori arranged around him like the skirts of a king, his face pale like the first snow of winter, lips parted, breath clouding in the chill morning air, untouched by the sun that had still barely risen.  

 

It took Shunsui some time of openly gaping at what seemed to him to be some kind of vision before his mind could rationalise his scrambled thoughts, but when he finally regained this ability, he found himself suddenly, acutely, panicked.  “What are you doing out of bed?” Shunsui spluttered frantically when his tongue finally unloosened in his mouth. He was met by a cool gaze from an unconcerned Juushirou, who pulled the beautifully decorated kimono closer to him in an attempt to keep the cool air from freezing him.

 

“The nurse recommended some fresh air.  Don’t worry about the morning chill, my over kimono is quilted.  My mother made it for me.” He turned his gaze over to watch the koi, a small smile tugging at his lips.  His eyelashes cast a shadow over his eyes, and one slender hand slowly moved to brush a strand of hair from where it was resting on the bridge of his nose. 

 

“Oh.”  Discomfited, Shunsui could not think of anything else to say.  Juushirou giggled at the sight. Shunsui swallowed past a lump that had formed in his throat.

 

“You need to remember that this is not the first time for me to go through this.  I know my strengths and my limits, and I also know what is good for me.” Juushirou was looking at him out of the corner of his eyes, and Shunsui had to fight hard to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine.  He was really far gone, too far to be saved, at any rate. 

 

“I’m still learning them,” he replied honestly, managing to eliminate the shake from his voice.  He was a bit embarrassed that he’d said that out loud. It seemed too revealing. However, the surprise on Juushirou’s face melted the emotion away.

 

“You’re learning them?”  He sounded oddly touched, as if he hadn’t ever expected that answer from anyone.

 

“Well, it’s better to know your strengths and weaknesses if I am to help you make your strengths shine through.”  

 

Juushirou cleary wasn’t expecting the answer he’d received, because he didn’t say anything for a while.  In the end, when he spoke, it was to the water that he gazed. “You do not realise the time span your words imply.  It’ll take ages for me to become strong.” His voice was matter-of-fact, but it held boundless sadness, and a slight, hard edge of bitterness.  It was the first time Juushirou had ever let that emotion show, and it made Shunsui’s heart ache, knowing that the man who held so much hope and love for life felt held back from his full potential even so.

 

“You’re an extremely interesting person, Juushirou.  Watching you grow has been fascinating, and you want to deprive me from watching you grow further?”

 

Juushirou couldn’t help the bashful smile that blossomed on his face like the early sakura buds peppering the trees around the pond.  “You exaggerate,” he mumbled into his sleeves as he brought his hands up to his mouth to blow warm breath over the frozen digits.

 

Shunsui, who had up till that point been leaning against the wall of the infirmary building for support, pulled away from it in preference to sitting beside Juushirou.  His heart beating a bit faster, he fought to tell the truth without embellishment, because he knew Juushirou hated that. Simply, he said, “I speak the truth.”

 

Juushirou sighed, a small puff of air hanging briefly in the air, dissipating as the sun finally shone over the cover of the trees.  “You are too good to me,” he whispered softly, so softly Shunsui could hear the ripples as the koi broke the surface of the water. He was close enough to hear the small stutter in his breath as his words stumbled slightly.

 

“It’s because I care for you.”  The raw honesty of the words, layered with so many feelings, left Shunsui’s mouth shakily, like a newborn calf taking its first steps into life.  “Yesterday, I felt as if my heart had stopped beating when I heard the news.” His heart beat faster as if to acknowledge the fact, eyes searching out Juushirou’s earnestly, terrified at the prospect of what he’d find in them. 

 

Juushirou finally looked back at him, intently.  His eyes caught the daylight, the deep green revealing speckles of light greens and browns that seemed to dance when the sun alighted on them.  “I have to tell you something. The reason behind…” Juushirou paused and blushed, a deep scarlet that slowly spread across the smooth skin of his face like viscous paint, alighting on the slopes and curves of his face like snow that peaked mountains, his still too-pale skin staining even more than usual; still, he maintained eye contact.  Shunsui’s heart was making its presence known, slamming against its constraints as though it longed to be free of them. “The reason behind the kiss was more than just gratitude, and not fever-borne. I think I’m-”

 

“Ukitake-san!  Time to head back inside!”  A call from inside startled both of them nearly out of their skins, and Shunsui almost lost his balance and barely avoided tumbling head-first into the pond.  The fright sent Juushirou into sudden fits of laughter, with Shunsui trying to calm him down with some degree of urgency lest he subsided into yet another coughing fit, all while trying to strangle the urge to commit homicide right there and then in the infirmary.  He’d only just managed to avoid making an enemy out of all the residents of the peaceful little pond, but he suspected that his almost-fall had broken some of the emotional tension that had been crackling tangibly in the air they shared. 

 

When Juushirou had slowed down to soft giggling, Shunsui breathed a sigh of relief.  “You’d best head inside,” he muttered, awkwardly. He wasn't sure what he should do now that the moment had been seemingly lost.  He stood up, not knowing what else to expect from Juushirou with so many things that now seemed to be hanging on just one thin thread.  His heart was beating hard, as if trying to tell him something, something important, but his brain shut it down, effectively as any wall.  He could not -  _ would _ not - get his hopes up.  He couldn’t bear the thought of so many possibilities hanging in front of his eyes, so easily in his reach, being torn away from him.  He couldn’t bear thinking that there was any hope, when any second something could come around and viciously rip his hopes away and smash them on the floor, removing an intrinsic part of his very being.

 

Juushirou stood up too and beamed at him, not knowing the inner turmoil Shunsui was going through. His eyes were shining from tears that had been summoned by the force of his laughter, his face glowing red with cold and happiness, and then he said, simply and without embellishment, as was his way, “I think I’m in love with you.”

 

Shunsui’s legs went numb at the suddenness of the words, so much that he stumbled, Juushirou’s arms immediately coming up to steady him.  He felt his ears ring, and he wasn’t sure if he had heard those words, or if they had been conjured out of the sweet winter air by the force of his hope.  The inner turmoil inside him dissolved in confusion, and a bright new feeling burst through, taking advantage of the momentary lapse of the iron clamp over his emotions to make itself known.  Shunsui grabbed the steadying arms on reflex, and pulled them a bit closer, looking deep into Juushirou’s eyes to read the same emotion Juushirou had just put into words. “Do you really?” He couldn't help himself if his voice wavered as a grass blade caught in a gust of summer breeze.

 

Juushirou smiled radiantly, brighter than the sun that was now shining steadily on them, and released a hand from where it clutched Shunsui’s uniform, resting it gently on Shunsui’s face.  He caressed his cheek, sliding a thumb along the cheekbone, and Shunsui forgot how to breathe. “You’re blind to not have noticed it before,” he said in response, his words like petals falling gently to the ground.  Shunsui released one of his arms from its white-knuckled grasp of Juushirou’s uniform and placed a hand over Juushirou’s, still resting on his cheek. The trail Juushirou’s thumb had traced seemed to have caught on fire, and Shunsui felt himself completely relinquishing his hold over his wretched hope, for wretched it no longer was.

 

Shunsui leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Juushirou’s, still too overwhelmed with emotion to fully capture the strength of his relief.  Juushirou was saying something, his breath ghosting over Shunsui’s face, and Shunsui felt as if he’d just returned home. This was what home meant, he realised, finally.  His sister-in-law’s home had felt like it for the longest time, the love she had bestowed on him the only real thing he had ever felt, until this moment and this very second, when he knew what love truly felt like.  Love was something that could be captured in eyes that looked into his with a smile, in the way he wielded a sword and a pen with the same amount of determination and precision, in the way his back was straightened against all the odds life threw at him, in the way his hair showcased his inner resolution and his constant battle against the body that constantly sought to push him back, in the way he held him now, and whispered words of sincerity that shook Shunsui to his very core.  Love saturated the very air they shared and the words that flew between them. Without waiting for Juushirou to pause, he finally let the words tumble out of the locked confine that had been his heart. “I feel the same way. Have done so for longer than I myself had realised." 

Juushirou’s voice slowly petered out into nothing as he pulled back slightly.  His eyes were shrewd, searching deep within Shunsui’s, a small smile still gracing his features.  “I knew that,” he replied, one eyebrow twitching up in a mischievous way. “I was just waiting for you to finally realise it for yourself.”  

 

Shunsui thought of it all, of his time spent with Juushirou beneath sun and rain, smiling and crying through the many things life had imbued their time with, and he began deciphering the things his heart had picked up and presented to his brain, which had logically sorted them all into ‘delusions’.  His mind alighted on the look in Juushirou’s eye when he’d catch him sneaking glances at him during class, the way he’d blush at something Shunsui would have said in his lightest tone - which usually meant it was something his heart was serious about. He remembered the touches that held meaning but no function, the smiles that brightened and soothed, the gentleness of his voice and the music of his laughter.  He remembered it all, and he understood, and he felt as if he could breathe anew. Juushirou had been responding to his affection with his own affection. It was his self-esteem that has served as a barrier between what his heart knew, and what his brain denied and deprived him of. 

Shunsui must have looked a sight, because Juushirou was laughing at him again, the sound bubbling out of him like a brook of water that had been newly freed.  “How did you know?” he asked stupidly, his brain still denying somewhat vehemently, but with increasingly less conviction, what his heart had known with surety for so long.

Juushirou tapped his nose conspiratorially, but when pressed, finally said, “Your eyes give everything away.  You may pretend to be otherwise, but your eyes are truthful.” Juushirou grinned, and Shunsui found that he couldn’t resist hugging him, now that the possibility had opened up.  Juushirou made a surprised noise as he found himself being squeezed half to death in Shunsui’s grip, but he hugged him back nonetheless. “What’s this for?” he said unintelligibly, voice muffled by Shunsui’s clothes.

 

“Need there be a reason for my affection toward you other than the fact that you are, simply put, yourself?”

 

Shunsui could feel Juushirou blush, even as the embarrassed mumble arose from where Juushirou had buried his nose deeper in the folds of Shunsui’s uniform.  “Oh, shut up, scoundrel.” 

The touching moment (and another personal victory for Shunsui) was interrupted by yet another yell from inside, and a persistent thought that told him that school had begun five minutes ago.  “I should go.”

Juushirou looked disappointed as he emerged from Shunsui’s grip looking slightly bedraggled, but seemed to suddenly realise that Shunsui had not yet gone back to school.  Panicked, he yelled, “Ah, kami! Run!”

Shunsui detached himself from the warmth of Juushirou’s radiance, but before he gathered his energy to run, he repeated Juushirou’s gesture from the day before.  He trailed his hands down Juushirou’s right, quilted arm, gently guiding Juushirou’s cold hand to his mouth, leaving a gentle kiss on the digits, eyes on Juushirou’s as the latter turned a pleasant pink.  “I’ll see you later,” Shunsui said charmingly, winking brazenly, and Juushirou snorted out a laugh before physically pushing him in the direction of the Academy. As he was leaving, one of the healers ended up spotting him, and he ended up getting a telling off which delayed him from class for another 15 minutes, and he could almost feel Juushirou smothering his laughter from wherever he was watching the spectacle unfold.

Shunsui spent the rest of the day in a daze.  He still couldn’t quite believe that his weeks of aching worry had been mostly due only to his inability to notice anything, apparently.  He’d been tormented over the fact that Juushirou had seemed not to notice, when in fact it had been him who’d remained completely blind about the whole affair.  Very typical of him, he finally concluded, to not notice what was right beneath his (admittedly crooked) nose, and then bemoan the fact that no one else seemed to notice anything.  Most of his classmates and all of his teachers realised that there was something far more interesting than the lectures that was taking up his thinking capacity, and most caught on the scent that Shunsui had finally removed the self-placed blindfold from his eyes.  

 

He didn’t notice that some of the girls were giving him dirty looks for spurning them – if he were to be honest, he hardly knew who they were, let alone that he’d somehow spurned their many past advances on him.  For a self-proclaimed womaniser, he definitely didn’t remember any of the women he’d ever pursued, which was probably why all his past relationships had been so short-lived and frugal. There was never anything special binding him to them.  But this – this he could feel was vastly different from anything he’d ever had before. It was precious, and real, and filled his heart with so much real joy that he found himself smiling to himself more often than once during the day. It wasn’t because Juushirou was a man - he had had other relationships with men before.  He didn’t really care about gender - what his eyes usually sought out was beauty. And he could admit that his eyes had liked the sight of Juushirou, had taken delight in sneaking little glances at the striking details that displayed themselves so nonchalantly in the form of his friend. But what was so vastly different was that it wasn’t just his eyes that were invested in the relationship - his heart and his very soul were completely entranced as well, entangled in the aura that Juushirou seemed to emit.  He could scarce believe that he’d been lucky enough to become so utterly, hopelessly, emotionally involved in someone who felt the same on equal measurements.

He paid as much attention to the lectures as he could, trying to gather some notes that could serve Juushirou when he was well enough to catch up on the lessons he was missing, but ultimately, he still needed help from one of their mutual friends, a gentle girl named Hinami, who always paid avid attention to their lecturers and wrote a pile of notes every time.  She had been the one to have sent him the letter, and he had remembered to thank her - so profusely that she had turned crimson with embarrassment. She sat next to them in class, providing both of them an endless script of scribbled notes that not even Juushirou could sometimes write in as much detail. She was shy and soft-spoken, but she was a menace with a sword as much as with a pen.  He ended up lugging her along with him when he went to the Infirmary later on that day, mostly because she wanted to see Juushirou too, but also so that they could discuss the day’s work together. Shunsui didn’t really feel like having to share the room with Hinami-chan, but he couldn’t very well tell her to bugger off. However, when he saw Juushirou’s smile as they opened the door, his resistance to not shoo her away was sorely tested.

“Yadōmaru-chan!  Shunsui! How nice of you both to come visit me!”

Hinami grinned at him.  “It’s good to see you’re awake!  You must be looking forward to a condensed version of every lesson we had today!”

Juushirou groaned and sank back into his pillows, and Hinami let out a laugh that seemed to be too loud to fit inside her petite figure.

Shunsui did not pay attention to the next two hours of Hinami lecturing Juushirou on the day’s topics.  He was too busy trying not to stare openly at Juushirou, and failing, indicated by the grin on Juushirou’s face as he nodded along to Hinami's explanations.  Hinami seemed to be fully aware of this silent interaction, wearing this secret smile as if she was a mother witnessing their child talking to their crush for the first time.  Finally, Hinami slammed her final book shut, and sighed deeply, seemingly defeated. “Well done, Ukitake-kun. You’re a fast learner.”

Juushirou bowed his head politely, and said, “ _ Domo _ , Yadōmaru-san.  I appreciate greatly.”

Hinami rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, caught between embarrassment and flustered speechlessness.  “Th-there’s no need to thank me, silly. I’d best be going, for fear that Kyouraku-kun might actually kill me for staying any longer.”  Startled, Shunsui began to protest, only to be met by laughter on both ends. Hinami patted him on the head, then turned to Juushirou and did the same.  “Get well soon,” she said, suddenly serious, and Juushirou nodded, smiling at her. She added, in a less serious tone, “You should have seen him in class today.  Barely knew what was going on.” She grinned like the menace she was, pushing her glasses up as she turned to look at Shunsui.

Juushirou immediately followed her gaze, one eyebrow delicately poised above the other, and Shunsui resolutely turned his head away, staring hard at the blank wall as Hinami giggled at his discomfort. 

“Well then,” she said cheerfully, “goodnight, both of you!”

“Goodnight, Yadōmaru-chan,” they chorused, and watched as she gave a small wave before sliding the door behind her.

Shunsui swallowed as he suddenly realised that he had not anticipated what would happen now that he was alone with Juushirou.  As if noticing his sudden awareness, Juushirou snickered. Shunsui, mock-offended, said, “What?”

“You are scared.  What are you scared of?”

Shunsui was, as always, amazed that Juushirou could decipher the mess of feelings inside himself that oftentimes - that moment being one of them - he couldn’t even decipher himself.  “I’m scared of your expectations of me,” he finally admitted. “I’m so new to this, even if I may not seem like it. But this is the first time I have ever truly…fallen for someone, I guess.”  He could not look at Juushirou, embarrassment making his eyes drift to the wooden floor.

“Shunsui.  Look at me.”

Shunsui forced himself to push away the fear barring him from doing so, and looked up.  Juushirou motioned to him. “Come sit next to me. Do not worry, I’m not made out of porcelain.”

Shunsui stood up, and found his tongue.  “You certainly look beautiful enough to be shaped out of it.”

Juushirou tried to maintain his serious expression and floundered horribly, finally surrendering to the blood that rushed to his face, extending as far up as the tips of his ears.  “Charmer, aren’t you,” he said, fighting to keep his voice neutral.

 

“You know it.”  Shunsui had the upper hand when it came to smooth talk, and he felt a bit more confident for that reason.  He sat down next to Juushirou, feeling the bed sink down with his added weight. Juushirou found his hand from over the mess of bed sheets and took it in his own, lacing his fingers through Shunsui’s as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  Shunsui quickly remembered to never underestimate Juushirou’s powers of adaptation to any situation.

“My expectations for you are as follows,” Juushirou began, still seriously.  He took a deep breath, and Shunsui waited with a hint of trepidation. “My one and only expectation is that you feel safe, comfortable, and loved, in this thing that we call friendship, and in this thing that we might now call a relationship which goes beyond mere friendship.  Actions aren’t on my list of expectations. You are not the only one exploring strange new boundaries, and if anything, I’m as scared as you are, actually. But scared doesn’t really do justice to what I’m feeling. It’s more like a nervous tingling in the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet, of not knowing what to expect but wanting to find out.  Do you…get what I mean?” he ended in a somewhat hesitant tone, looking at Shunsui, who was looking at him as if he’d just seen the full moon grace the night sky.

“Juushirou.  I love you.” 

Juushirou turned crimson, mirroring Shunsui.  “I-I love you too, but I don’t know how that answered my – “

Shunsui decided to not overthink his actions for once in his life, and leaned forward as far as he could go, and stopped the flurry of panicked words with a kiss.  It was a very soft kiss, and definitely not the most mind-blowing one he’d ever given, but it was still a first kiss, in many ways. He pulled back after a few seconds, opening his eyes and staring into Juushirou’s very wide, very surprised green ones.  Those same eyes flickered down to Shunsui’s lips for a split-second before Juushirou pulled him back into a proper kiss, and Shunsui realised, for the second time that night, exactly how easily Juushirou adapted to any situation presented to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very last 'I love you' is the Japanese 'daisuki' which means 'I love you' but is not on the level of 'aishiteru' which is 'i'm-proposing-to-you' level. Any mention of love is still going to be in this form...for now ;)
> 
> Sorry if there are mistakes! am editing this extremely late and I'm exhausted :)))
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! love you guys<3


	5. Lips brushing skin, feather-light.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a behemoth chapter that was originally planned to encompass what now is chapter 6 and part of chapter 7 but um it got out of hand so I had to split it up :') And when I was editing, I shoved another 3k in the next chapter just to shorten it a little more.
> 
> I took the creative liberty of filling in some canon plot-holes regarding certain things, and this will happen in the future too.
> 
> Enjoy!

Another scholastic year and winter was once again in full bloom.  Days were becoming shorter as night creeped in ever earlier, and snow dusted the grounds as temperatures plummeted.  Juushirou spent most of his waking hours flitting between classes and the infirmary, with check-ups every week to catch any colds early so as not to have them transform into something more serious.  Juushirou had still not told him the reason behind his frequent sickness, and Shunsui had still never asked. It was not something that bothered him extremely – after all, Juushirou opened up about a lot of things that bothered him, so Shunsui could never doubt the strength of their bond of trust.  However, he would be lying to say that he wasn’t slightly bothered by the continued secrecy on the subject.

 

They were in their dorm room one night when Juushirou finally closed his heavy study book (a book that displayed the techniques of purifying Hollows and other undead, from what Shunsui could make out of the title) and drifted towards were Shunsui was sitting on the windowsill, looking out at the snow-covered landscape.

 

“Move your leg a bit,” Juushirou instructed, and Shunsui lowered his leg and moved aside for Juushirou to sit next to him.  Some months had passed since the dynamics between had changed. Being somewhat new to the situation at hand, they had moved around each other delicately, but it had been surprising that Juushirou had had appeared to be less terrified of the commitment than Shunsui.  Really, that ought to have been expected, but Shunsui never really knew what to expect when it came to Juushirou. He was so full of surprises, it became much easier to just allow him to bloom and grow in front of his eyes. Now that they had gotten used to the quiet affection that each would show to the other in their own unique way, it was easier to navigate their lives as normality overtook the novelty of the situation.

 

Juushirou appeared satisfied and sat down next to Shunsui, not noticing how Shunsui’s breath sped up fractionally.  It may have been months, but Shunsui’s breath was still taken away by the mere sight of Juushirou, and Shunsui would come to notice as time went by that the reflex never would go away.  Juushirou turned his head towards the window, eyes shimmering with happiness that seemed to escape from a child watching their first snowfall. Shunsui never stopped savouring the little details that Juushirou revealed to him every day that passed, and he never got tired of being constantly stunned at how every little detail added more grace and beauty to Juushirou.  He was sure by now that it wasn’t just his own hyper-awareness of Juushirou that made such details stand out – it was mostly by the careless nature Juushirou carried his beauty around. He exuded it without noticing it, without flaunting it, and because of this, it allured Shunsui even more. Juushirou was saying something, prodding Shunsui in the thigh as he did so.

 

“…paying attention to me, Shunsui?”

 

Shunsui snapped out of his daze with a huge and possibly disgustingly fond smile.  “I was just distracted by you.”

 

Juushirou was still not used to the easy grace and charm that honeyed Shunsui’s many words of praise, and he still reacted with a dusting of rosy-red colouring his cheeks and the tips of his nose and ears.  Sometimes, the blush even extended to his neck after particularly fond remarks. It was one of Shunsui’s many delights to make Juushirou blush, level-headed as Juushirou usually was. It gave him a giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach, that he held such a delicate power in his hands, and that Juushirou reacted like that only to him.

 

“Shut up, Shunsui, I’ll forget my train of thought.”

 

“Do you perhaps _want_ me to make you forget your train of thought?”

 

Juushirou slapped Shunsui lightly on his arm, going a deeper shade of red.  “Cheeky. Do not distract me, this is a very important topic that I have only just now gathered courage to talk about.”

 

Shunsui sobered up, perhaps too much, because Juushirou’s expression softened, and he leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, his eyelashes leaving a phantom trail on Shunsui’s face as he closed his eyes.  Shunsui leaned into his touch like a man who’s been lost in a desert would seek out water. As Juushirou made to move back, Shunsui caught his face with gentle fingers and kissed him sweetly on the lips, and when they parted, both of them were puce.

 

“For someone who has a reputation for being the womaniser of the Academy, you’re very...blushy,” concluded Juushirou, fanning his face in an effort to lessen the heat in his cheeks.

 

Shunsui gave him an embarrassed smile.  “You’re my first real anything, Juushirou. The ones before - all passion and no feelings, no deep-rooted ones, that is.  You’re the first many things for me.”

 

Juushirou looked away, but Shunsui could see a smile break out anew on his face.  “I see. I’m glad to experience this with you, then.”

 

“You always know the thing to say to make me fall for you more.”  Shunsui knew that he was laying it on thick, but he couldn't help it, grinning evilly at the combined mixture of exasperation and very real embarrassment on Juushirou's face.

 

“Shunsui, I fear my resolve will not last long before I succumb to your cunning ploy of hopelessly seducing me,” Juushirrou said with not a little sarcasm, his eyes still showing how close to the truth that sentence rang.  “However, this has to be done, because it feels wrong to trust you in everything and having you remain in the dark over the matter of my biggest weakness.”

 

Shunsui smiled at the hidden honesty behind the first sentence, but quieted down.  “I’m listening.”

 

Juushirou smiled back, and breathed evenly, as if to compose himself.  When he spoke, his voice was low, his eyes downcast. “When I was born, I was a healthy baby.  However, I soon contracted a nasty lung disease, something close to what the Living call tuberculosis.  As it was quite nasty, most of the doctors around the area abandoned me as a lost case - after all, we are only lower nobility, and could only pay so much.  My parents, being very superstitious, took me to a shrine, where they paid for my life. The shrine was dedicated to the Right Hand of the Soul King, Mimihagi-sama, who had been cast out from the Soul-King's palace.  Mimihagi-sama heard their prayers, and he took my lungs so that I could become a living vessel for him. This meant that my illness was, technically, healed, but because I have no lungs, and, as I understand it, Mimihagi-sama acts as my pair of functioning lungs, sometimes I get a kind of relapse in which my previous lung disease returns with all its symptoms.  However, it’s a small price to pay, as Mimihagi-sama has granted me years of life that I would have never seen had I not been taken to his shrine.” Juushirou paused, twirling a strand of pure-white hair between his fingers and gazing at it thoughtfully. “Of course, the ritual didn’t come without its side effects, so to say. I have a lesser life expectancy than normal, and I have a much-reduced stamina.  I’m frail and weak - don’t give me that face, Shunsui, I speak the truth - and it’s something I am still learning to live with. However, this life I have been granted is one I intend not to waste.

 

“There’s also another trick up my sleeve.”  Here he paused, and his eyes turned both parts sad and determined.  “When one becomes a vessel for Mimihagi-sama, that is, when one has an organ taken by the god, the person gets an ability known as Kamikake.  This is a ritual in which the person gives up the rest of their body to Mimihagi, and uh…I’m not really sure what else is to happen after that, except that the vessel eventually dies.  And by eventually I mean pretty soon after the initiation of the ritual. Of course,” Juushirou added hurriedly upon chancing a glance at Shunsui and noticing the horrified look on the latter’s face, “this is something that I definitely don’t have to do, uh, in the foreseeable future.  But I needed to tell you just in case the time, and the necessity, ever comes up. You must have already guessed that if there is anything I can do to protect someone, I will do it, even if it costs me my life. Be that as it may, I am not _that_ self-sacrificing, so I’m not going to jump at the slightest chance to end my existence.  So be at peace, dearest. My life is not forfeit just yet. I hope.” He finished his monologue looking slightly worried, as if he hadn’t quite anticipated the ending to be quite so hopeless.

 

Shunsui, on the other hand, felt more or less like he’d been punched in the gut.  “That was...something,” he said lamely into the silence. His mind was trying to process the weighty information that Juushirou had just piled into it, while trying to reason out how Juushirou hadn’t already gone crazy years ago with the knowledge.  “Juushirou,” he said finally, having stared blankly at his hands for approximately ten minutes as the man he was addressing fretted anxiously beside him, “thank you for sharing this with me. You do not realise how much it means to me. To me, this has been a confirmation of how incredibly strong you are as a person - that you fight so hard to gain the strength that is leached out of you by a...a _kami_ that resides in you, and yet you still remain so positive, even in the face of such seemingly impossible factors - you amaze me, simply put.  I would have given up long ago, but you...you fight on, gritting your teeth and pulling up your sleeves and wading against the darkness that would have swallowed me up, bones and all.  I admire you, Juushirou. Your strength is formidable. _You_ are formidable.  And thank you, for finding it in your heart to trust me with this knowledge.  Your trust in me reduces me to tears, and reminds me of why my heart belongs to you so utterly that I cannot distinguish the man I was before I met you.”

 

Juushirou was smiling through tears that had slid down his cheeks some time during Shunsui’s outpouring of words.  “I don’t even know what to say to that,” he said tearfully, laughing as Shunsui moved closer and peppered his cheeks with soft kisses, hands moving to Juushirou’s back.  “You’re the most persuasive distraction I’ve ever had to contend with,” Juushirou declared finally, yielding to Shunsui, moving closer and stroking Shunsui’s hair out of his eyes, surrendering to the bone-melting kiss that followed.

 

“I want to visit the lake again,” Juushirou whispered when they parted, breaths mingling and fogging up the cold glass of the window.

 

Shunsui couldn’t resist touching Juushirou’s face, thumb stroking over fine skin with incredible affection.  “You’ll get a cold, and I really don’t want that for you.” Juushirou scrunched up his nose, dragging a laugh out of Shunsui.  “You’re more stubborn than your little siblings,” he muttered fondly, kissing Juushirou’s nose.

 

“You've only ever heard of them from me,” came the reply, stubborn.

 

“And they're little copies of you, including your incessant stubbornness.”  Juushirou smiled fondly at the thought of his siblings, and Shunsui asked, wistfully, “You miss them, don’t you?”

 

“So much."  He looked wistfully out of the window, as if he could somehow summon them from the midst of the snowstorm.  He sighed and turned back to Shunsui.  “Anyway, you changed the subject. I want to go to the lake.” Shunsui opened his mouth to say something, but Juushirou beat him to it.  “I’ll wear so many clothes I won’t even be recognisable. I’ll take all the precautions. Please?” Juushirou looked at him pleadingly, and Shunsui couldn’t help but remember how Juushirou’s life could end very abruptly, and how life should be enjoyed one moment at a time.  Also, he was loath to break the hopeful look in Juushirou’s eyes.

 

“Today is going to be a beautiful night.  Perfect for stargazing.  And the storm should blow out by that time.”

 

Juushirou’s eyes widened at the realisation, and his face broke into a huge smile.  He laced his fingers behind Shunsui’s neck, angled his face and kissed him hard, and Shunsui took that as a thanks.

 

Juushirou was restless throughout the rest of the day, laying out several heavy, quilted kimonos out on his futon and running gentle hands over the complexly elaborate patterns, recounting the tales behind them in a soft voice as Shunsui watched him from where he still sat at the window.  

 

“My mother made this when I was sick,” he recalled, stroking the fabric of one of the more beautiful kimonos.  “When I was dying, at the age of 3.” Shunsui said nothing, but his breath stuttered at the sudden pain the thought brought with it.  Juushirou, too engrossed in his recollections, did not realise. He continued, with the same far-off look. “She made this in the hope that someday, were I to survive, I’d be able to wear it.  And I did wear it. She believed in me, even when I was almost at Death’s door.”

 

The kimono was black and silky, but little designs were picked out in gold and white thread.  Intrigued, Shunsui stood up and walked over to Juushirou to get a closer look. Little koi wound around each other at the hems, trailing up haphazardly, crowding at the sleeves.  He traced a finger over their path, admiring the needlework. “Your mother is a very skilled woman,” he said, respect seeping into his voice.

 

Juushirou carefully folded the kimono and placed back in his trunk.  He gazed at the other clothes that he’d approved of, two plain kimonos and a heavy outdoor haori with an embroidered border that looked like waves on a wind-buffeted sea.  He looked at them thoughtfully. Shunsui wordlessly walked to his own closet, and emerged with heavy silk gloves, and added them to the pile of clothes. Juushirou was about to protest, but Shunsui stopped him.  “They’re very warm” was all he provided as an explanation. Juushirou sighed and took out a pair of sturdy looking tabi, and then took out another pair. “Just in case one pair gets soaked in snow,” he said as an explanation, and Shunsui had to admire how practical he was.  “I think this is good, don’t you think?”

 

Shunsui felt the fabric of the kimono, and was surprised at how sturdy the material felt.  It felt much more resistant than his own clothes, which were all much gaudier than Juushirou’s practical ones.  “I think you’ll be good.”

 

Juushirou’s eyes were alight with excitement as he looked back at him, all traces of sadness from memories wiped clean.  “Thank you for understanding me, Shunsui,” he said, eyes shining with more than just happiness.

 

Shunsui embraced him, not having words to convey his feelings properly, but Juushirou could always understand him anyway.

 

Later that day, as the sun dipped lower in the sky and the snow fell lazily in inconsistent bursts, Shunsui looked down at himself, amused.  He was wearing the same amount of clothes as Juushirou, but he still felt a bit ridiculous. Nevertheless, the excitement that Juushirou had been shedding was slowly getting through to Shunsui too, and he couldn’t help but look forward to the sight that would greet them at the lake.  Juushirou was beaming at him from yards ahead, his nose, cheeks, and ears mottled red with cold, his hands rubbing against each other as the cold bit straight through the heavy silk gloves. Shunsui increased his pace to walk beside him, and as he reached him, he automatically reached out a hand.  Juushirou unclenched his hands from each other and slipped a gloved hand through Shunsui’s. Shunsui felt an inexplicable warmth in his heart that contrasted greatly to the frigid cold surrounding them in luminescent white.

 

Juushirou was talking, his breath fogging in front of his face, his hair constantly blown into his face by the cold breeze.  He pushed it away with his free hand, saying something about constellations and their meanings and which of them they'd be able to spot in the season, and Shunsui listened on, only half-understanding, enjoying the excitement that coloured Juushirou’s voice.  

 

The path to reach the lake was more difficult to take than the first time round, as that day had been one of heavy snowfall, which had blocked off the usual path.  Shunsui pulled slightly on Juushirou’s hand, which was still securely holding his, and he set off down the road leading to town. Juushirou let him, and a pleasant silence fell between, punctuated by Juushirou pointing out interesting things, and occasional stops as Juushirou rested from the walk.  He was being extra careful not to over-exert his lungs, both from cold and from exercise, a thing for which Shunsui was grateful for. In those stops, they’d sit in heaps of snow and let their eyes roam over the countryside. It was an area of open fields, with trees lining the edges of the fields, laden with snow, some sporting magnificent icicles that trailed all the way to the ground.

 

Finally, Juushirou asked Shunsui, “Have you ever been round here before?”

 

They had been walking in relative silence for some time, and the sky had started to darken significantly.  Shunsui was aware of this fact, and had picked up the pace a bit. He answered, slightly breathless, “Once, when I was walking with my mother, quite some time ago.  It’s a slightly different view of the lake than the one I had shown you, but I think you’ll like it nevertheless.”

 

His eyes searched his surroundings, looking for a particular tree.  His mother had picked him up in her arms and told him, “Look, this tree looks like a crooked little old man, and its branch-hand is pointing towards a lake.”  They'd never actually gone to see the lake, but Shunsui had somehow remembered those words in the strange snatched of memory one sometimes gets from long-forgotten childhood memories, snippets of the past that drift unconnected in one's brain.  

 

He made a small sound of relief when he spotted the weathered old tree, its branch still steadily pointing towards the lake which he now had visual proof of, having actually visited it.  He admired the tree's consistency throughout all these years, standing there as if its mission in life was to show the path to weary travellers.  As his mother had done to him before, he showed the tree to Juushirou, and delighted in Juushirou’s amusement. Shunsui left him observing the tree as he delved on through the snow, parting a few tree branches and earning a faceful of tree-bough-snow in the face for his effort.  Hearing a snort of laughter from behind him, he turned round to glare at Juushirou - who seemed to have had decided to stop gazing, awestruck, at the tree at just the right moment - only to find himself in the direct line of sight of an oncoming snowball, which hit him square in the nose. The snort of laughter grew into a gale, tears streaming down Juushirou’s cold-reddened cheeks as he took in Shunsui’s murderous expression.

 

Shunsui shook the snow out of his hair and bent down, scooping a huge chunk of snow and tilting it towards Juushirou, hitting him with enough force to topple his already bent-from-laughing form over, and he went down heavily, laughing impossibly harder.  Shunsui didn’t feel too sorry for him, but he still walked back down the path he had taken to check on him. As he offered him a hand, Juushirou grasped it firmly and pulled him down, and Shunsui found himself with his face in the snow for the third time in so many minutes.  Juushirou’s laughter had since transcended sound and Shunsui’s nostrils were packed with snow. Shunsui managed to scoop out most of the snow as Juushirou shook with silent laughter beneath him. Shunsui shifted so that he could pin Juushirou down with both arms, hands gripping his shoulders, and he glared at him until the wheezing man beneath him finally stopped laughing.

 

Juushirou raised a tentative hand and plucked snow from Shunsui’s hair.  It had started snowing lightly, so sparsely that they only noticed at that moment, and flakes had begun to cling to them. Juushirou whispered, fondly, “You have snowflakes in your eyelashes.”

 

Shunsui released his grip on Juushirou’s shoulders, resting one arm on the snow and another tilting Juushirou’s chin up as he leaned down to kiss him.  His lips were frozen but pliant, and the small, pleased sound that escaped them did not go unnoticed by Shunsui. The cold from the snow surrounding them from all sides made the kiss a short affair, but a satisfying one.  As Shunsui struggled to his feet, Juushirou rose gracefully from where he had been lying, brushing off snow neatly from his clothes. “The sun’s about to go down,” Shunsui said, twisting round to try and see if he’d brushed off all the snow.

 

Juushirou stepped in and ran a hand over his back, smoothing away the last straggling snowflakes, even as more took their place.  He gave a small laugh, and abandoned the case, opting instead to lean up and kiss Shunsui’s neck, where his hair began. Shunsui shivered at the touch that sent heat travelling through him, and had to bite his lips to set his mind to the task ahead.  “Right,” he said, mostly to himself. He felt blindly for Juushirou’s hand, which was promptly presented to him, and he led the way, remembering the treacherous trees and avoiding their snow-laden arms as they waded in into ankle-deep snow.

 

Finally, they stepped out of the embrace of the trees, and Shunsui heard the intake of breath as Juushirou’s eyes landed on the scene.  Shunsui was grinning, the sight having robbed him of his breath even with the vague knowledge of what he was to find there from their ground view of the lake.

 

They were standing on a snowy ledge that overlooked the lake and the vast expanse of the Academy and its grounds, and in the distance, the structures of Seireitei rose imposingly from the ground.  The sun was low, and the sky was saturated with colours, a heady mixture of rich reds and oranges, blues and purples, stars shimmering in the canopy of darkness that heralded the oncoming night, and Juushirou was entranced.  He moved forward, seemingly drawn by the sight, and his hand slipped out of Shunsui’s as he stood at the edge. Shunsui could see the moment that Juushirou focussed on the lake by the way his eyes widened impossibly further. While they had seen the lake, the size and vast spread of the lake had been difficult to judge from their previous position.  Now, as it stretched beneath them from this particular vantage point, it was all that Juushirou could do but stare, slack-jawed, as the colours reflected themselves perfectly over the frozen surface of the lake. “It’s beautiful,” he breathed, a huge smile spreading slowly across his face. “Shunsui, did you know about this all along?”

 

“Well, it was a half-formed idea from a very vague memory, but when you adamantly refused to stay in our room today, it became a fully formed plan.  And I also had had the thought to retire to a boarding house which is very close by, seeing as the road is quite treacherous in the dark, and I’d rather have you safe and warm than...uhh…”

 

“Mangled by a wolf,” supplied Juushirou helpfully, and Shunsui shuddered.  

 

“I was thinking more on the lines of hypothermia, but you were more direct.”

 

Juushirou smiled sweetly at him before sitting down, cross-legged, at the edge, watching the sun raptly as it crawled past the horizon’s edge, as if reluctant to leave its lofty perch in the sky.  Shunsui sat beside him, and Juushirou immediately scooted closer, leaning his head into the warmth of Shunsui’s neck, and Shunsui felt as if he’d been hit by a blast of warm, summer air.

 

Juushirou turned his face into the crook of Shunsui’s face, and Shunsui cold feel him smile.  “I’m finally watching the sun set.”

 

Shunsui hummed his agreement.

 

“You remembered.”

 

Shunsui closed his eyes, feeling Juushirou leave a soft kiss on his collarbone, almost touching his neck, and for once, thanked the _kami_ for his good memory.  He slid an arm round Juushirou’s waist, and together, they watched the sun lose its battle with the night, the last remaining glimmers of orange swallowed up by the endless black.  Juushirou was looking up at the milliard stars with a look of concentration, and then he slipped out of Shunsui’s one-armed embrace and lay down on his back, motioning for Shunsui to do the same.

 

He pointed at a particular cluster of stars.  “That is the Scorpion. See how those three stars curve into the tail?  Right next to it is the Twin Koi. The Lesser Koi is the one rising towards the heavens, and the Major Koi is the bottom one.  There, right below it, is the…”

 

Shunsui listened with interest, completely absorbed in Juushirou’s knowledge of the night sky.  It was endearing, to hear the excitement that tinged his voice when he saw a particularly rare constellation, or when Shunsui asked him questions.  One particular one came some thirty minutes after, when there was a lull in the steady stream of constellations, and Shunsui asked, “How do you know so much about the night sky?”

 

Juushirou smiled up at the stars.  “When I was young, I was ill more often - so ill that I often could not sleep for very long.  So I used to stare at the stars, and I fell in love with the night, and in the long hours of staying home, being sick, I begged my parents to buy me a book about the stars, and I taught myself the language of the night.”

 

“This is why I love you,” Shunsui said, spontaneously, and Juushirou finally tore his eyes from the sky and looked at him, and Shunsui’s heart failed to function after noticing that Juushirou looked at him as though he too was part of the night sky.

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Because you talk about what you love with passion, and even when you’re sick, you find something beautiful out of the pain and hardships you go through.”

 

Juushirou rolled over until he was draped over Shunsui, and he masked the sky with his own radiance.  “I love you for your words, Shunsui. And your eyes, with all their emotions writ plain in sight, and for your hands, with their strength that belies their gentleness.  But mostly I love you because of the well of emotions in your heart, and the kindness that you hold.”

 

Shunsui let out the breath he was holding in a rush, and he was gripping Juushirou slightly harder than he had meant to.  “You are outshining the stars,” he said finally, because it was true, and Juushirou blushed, his hair sweeping down and tickling Shunsui’s face.

 

“Where’s this boarding house, Shunsui?”

 

The heat beneath the carefully worded sentence did not escape Shunsui, and his breathing turned ragged.  It didn’t help that Juushirou had spoken those words against his lips, his breath warm, dispelling the chill of the night.

    

Shunsui made to get up, and Juushirou moved to allow him, standing up beside him, and then Shunsui laced his fingers through both of Juushirou’s hands, and he pulled him towards him, and he kissed one rosy cheek.  His lips lingered there, the intention in them making the red deepen beautifully. Juushirou shivered against him, and Shunsui tried to remember how to breathe.

 

He led the way, the road illuminated by the light of the moon which was almost full.  The town could be seen from where they stood, the bright lights beckoning, the call of warmth inviting.  Shunsui could not look at Juushirou, the intensity of his feelings enough to be tipped over by just a glance into the beautiful green of his friend’s eyes.  

 

The boarding house was a charming building - this was just outside of Seireitei, and this district of Rukongai was more well-off than the districts farther away.  The boarding house was a building constructed out of wood, and the dusting of snow over it completed the picture of winter getaway. The warmth that wafted out of it as soon as Shunsui opened the door was bone-meltingly delicious, and Juushirou slipped out of his grasp and drifted towards the blazing fireplace that stood some way off.  Shunsui watched him for a while, amused at how Juushirou curled up in the warmth, like a cat, before he turned towards the reception desk, where he asked for a room for two. The lodger looked over her glasses at him, then peered over at Juushirou, her eyes lingering on him.

 

“Two beds or bed for two?” she said, her voice professional and kind.

 

Shunsui flushed and stumbled over his words.  “Uh….well…”

 

“Bed for two, please.”  Juushirou’s voice sounded from behind, and Shunsui jumped.

 

The lodger smiled pleasantly and reached for a key from behind her.  Handing it to Shunsui with a flourish, she instructed warmly, “Room 13, just of the landing on the 1st floor.  Enjoy your stay, my dears,” ending the sentence with a low bow.

 

Shunsui and Juushirou bowed back, and Juushirou led the way.  Shunsui’s eyes were drawn to the haori that Juushirou was pulling off him, the fabric swirling round him.  They reached their room, and Juushirou moved so that Shunsui could open the door. They entered, and found the room warm and inviting, the fire having been lit beforehand.  Juushirou turned towards him, his hair curtaining his face, the fire sending shadows skittering across his delicate features, and Shunsui fell in love again. He moved, reaching out, and stopped an inch away from the topmost kimono, looking into Juushirou’s eyes and searching for an answer.

 

Juushirou nodded once; a permission.

 

Shunsui moved carefully, fingers tracing the patterns of the kimono before dipping below the hem, sliding it off Juushirou’s shoulders hesitantly.  Juushirou moved, helping it off, and another kimono fell away in similar fashion. The final kimono fell delicately to the floor, and the loose sketch of the body beneath that it traced out felt intimate; sacred, almost.  Juushirou’s eyelids were low, and crimson coloured his cheeks and collarbones, the same colour as his lower lip as he bit it.

 

“Are you alright?”  Shunsui asked, his voice lower than he’d expected.

 

Juushirou nodded, his own hands moving to caress Shunsui’s shoulders, disrobing him of all but his last kimono, and then they stood there, beside a heap of clothes, and they looked at each other, their eyes glimmering in the flickering light of the flames.

 

It was Juushirou who finally asked, “What is it that you want?”

 

Shunsui replied, with no hesitation, “I want you.”

 

Juushirou closed his eyes, heat rising in his face.  

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

Juushirou nodded, and then stated, his voice wavering, “I want you so much, it’s terrifying.”

 

Shunsui felt heat settle in the pit of his stomach, and he closed the space between them, stepping over clothes, and encircled Juushirou within his arms.  Their noses bumped into each other, and Shunsui grinned suddenly. Juushirou caught the grin and looked confused for all but a second, before his composure suddenly broke and he snickered.  A few seconds later, they were both laughing, somewhat hysterically, the high tension that the room had been carrying broken, the rigidness of their postures melting away.

 

Shunsui wiped away the tears of laughter that had sprung at the corners of Juushirou’s eyes, and he kissed the tip of Juushirou’s nose.  Juushirou huffed out a small laugh, and then he gently broke out of Shunsui’s embrace, and walked towards the bed, trailing fingers over the sheets as he walked past.  Shunsui swallowed, his mouth gone dry, as Juushirou let the final kimono fall to the floor. Silently, Shunsui followed his example, and went to him.

 

It was a night of careful exploration, of mapping bodies to memory, of fingers that trailed fire across skin.  Laughter and words were exchanged, the only other sounds besides the crackling of the fire and the quiet breaths that escaped them.  Shunsui learned to read the language of Juushirou’s body in the arches and curves that he traced beneath his fingers, in the sounds that flew breathlessly from parted lips, and the way his eyes fell closed as Shunsui kissed his neck.  Shunsui also learned how to interpret Juushirou’s advances, and he came to know how wickedly teasing he could be, with a matching shite-eating grin on his face.

 

They didn’t do much more than that, that night.  It was enough, to come to know each other through touch alone.  They slept as they lay, and Shunsui could not remember a night were he’d slept any better.  Before they gave in to their dreams, Juushirou, with his body curled up against Shunsui’s, murmured softly, “Thank you for remembering.”

 

Shunsui, half-asleep, had kissed his forehead, and the night closed in on them both.

 

The next morning, Shunsui woke up alone.  Shifting bonelessly in bed, he spotted Juushirou sitting beside the waning fire, and with a jolt of pleasure, he realised that he was wearing one of Shunsui's kimonos tied loosely around him, one shoulder of the expensive fabric falling off Juushirou’s thinner frame, exposing skin that Shunsui longed to touch.  Juushirou had not noticed him waking up, and Shunsui enjoyed the time this gave him to observe him, the early morning light haloing him.

 

Eventually, Shunsui decided to break the silence.  “It suits you,” he said huskily, stretching. Juushirou turned round to observe him, blushing faintly.

 

“It’s beautiful,” he said defensively, stroking the fabric reverently.  “And it smells of you,” he added beneath his breath, and Shunsui’s heart expanded tenfold.  He gazed at him as he stood up, and the kimono slipped lower. Juushirou didn’t bother to pull it up, and Shunsui felt a slightly inappropriate wave of desire that set his heart beating faster.  The bed dipped beneath him as Juushirou lay down beside him, and Shunsui couldn’t decide what to do. After that night, he did not doubt that Juushirou was attracted to him. But he still did not know the boundaries, and he did not know whether it would be easier to find out through action, or inaction.

 

“I can hear you thinking.”  Shunsui startled, eyes flicking towards Juushirou guiltily.  Juushirou was smiling, one eyebrow perched slightly above its twin.  “You need only ask,” he said, almost as if he had truly been inside Shunsui’s head.

 

“Can I hold you?”

 

Juushirou smile widened, and he moved himself into Shunsui’s space, allowing Shunsui to hold him.  “My turn to ask now. Can I kiss you?”

 

Shunsui blurted out, “You can do that whenever you please.”  He blushed at the words, but Juushirou beamed, apparently pleased.  

 

“See, now I know I can not ask that again.  Small steps, Shunsui.” Then he turned in Shunsui’s arms, pushing Shunsui back into his pillows and kissing him breathless.

 

Pulling apart reluctantly, he sat on his haunches, and looked Shunsui up and down appraisingly.  “Have I ever told you how good you look in the morning?”

 

Shunsui felt completely disarmed.  “I thought I was the master at smooth talking,” he stammered, heating up.

 

Juushirou was grinning down at him.    

 

“You are, but I’m starting to learn.”

 

Shunsui, hopelessly charmed, pulled Juushirou down towards him with gentle hands. Juushirou obliged willingly, resting his forehead to Shunsui’s.  He let his fingers stroke Juushirou’s hair away from his face, and Juushirou let out a small breath. He broke contact with Shunsui’s face in preference to nuzzling his neck, his nose cold against Shunsui’s skin, sending a sudden shiver rippling beneath his skin.

 

“You smell nice,” murmured Juushirou, pressing his lips against Shunsui’s jugular.  Shunsui inhaled sharply, his hands wandering aimlessly down Juushirou’s back, fingers dislodging cloth and finding skin.  Juushirou made a guttural noise, and moved into the touch.

 

“Juushirou,” Shunsui stuttered, breath catching in his throat.  Juushirou moved against him with intent, and Shunsui groaned.  “You will be the end of me,” he whispered shakily, and Juushirou smiled against Shunsui’s skin, teeth grazing delicate nerves.  Just as Shunsui could feel his control about to break, Juushirou withdrew from him, pressing a kiss to Shunsui’s breastbone before sliding off out of the bed.  

 

Smiling wickedly, he said in a remarkably steady voice, “Morning, Shunsui.”  Then he swept off in Shunsui’s kimono, which he’d pulled back on to appear somewhat decent, and Shunsui watched him depart feeling more than a little disappointed and highly turned on.

 

He flopped back down in his pillows, and gave a low chuckle.  He’d certainly not expected Juushirou to be this teasing, but he probably should have.  After all, whenever he’d get that glint in his eyes, any time of the day, be it during school or during training, or even simply in their dorms trying to finish some work, Shunsui would know to expect trouble.  

 

He was still thinking about Juushirou when the elegant man himself re-entered the room, his hair tied up, Shunsui’s kimono secured tightly around his slim figure.  In his wake came a smell of cleanliness, something that caused something to stir in Shunsui with sudden interest. He rose from bed, his hair a rumpled mess next to the impeccable Juushirou, and wrapped his arms tightly around Juushirou from behind.

 

Juushirou didn’t resist, but he did say, in what was probably meant to be a faintly disgusted tone, but came out sounding fond instead, “You smell of bed.”

 

Shunsui inhaled Juushirou’s fragrance deeply in response, smelling his scent distinctly beneath the boarding house soap.  “You smell of my dreams.”

 

Juushirou snorted.  “Go get washed, you sap.”

 

Shunsui grinned, kissing his shoulder before leaving to follow Juushirou’s orders.  

 

The scrubbing was nice, and it left time to mull things over.  He remembered the ache in his heart at the sight of Juushirou’s face, flushed and open for Shunsui to read, lying next to him in bed.  He remembered the battle that he fought with himself on how gentle he ought to be, until Juushirou had kissed him senseless and told him to stop worrying.  His exact words - and here Shunsui couldn’t help but smile - were, “Shunsui, I won’t break apart in your arms. I’m made of tougher material.” His face had softened afterwards, when Shunsui had abandoned the wary gentleness and  trusted in Juushirou to tell him to stop if need me. With something like gratefulness shimmering in his eyes, he had said,  “Thanks for not treating me as a weakling.”

 

Outside of his memories, Shunsui wondered if he had always been this sentimental.  His brother’s face swam up in his mind, saying something on the lines of ‘you sentimental fool, the maids are servants, treat them like a lordling, not like you are of their level!’, and he shuddered involuntarily.   _Ah yes_ , he thought wryly, _I have always been a sentimental fool_.

 

The door to the communal baths slid open, and Shunsui didn’t bother to check who might have walked in until he felt hands on his back. He jumped, belatedly reading the reiatsu signature and realising that Juushirou had inexplicably followed him.

 

Juushirou leaned forward from behind him, a strand of hair brushing Shunsui’s shoulder like a soft caress, and whispered, “I happen to love a certain sentimental fool.”

 

Shunsui could feel a blush rising up from his neck, both from embarrassment at having apparently been projecting his sudden sadness, and at the heat that accompanied the words that Juushirou had uttered in such a honeyed voice.  Shunsui also remembered his very exposing nakedness, and he decided to abort the scrubbing in favour of moving hastily to the soaking department, a decision which apparently amused Juushirou to no end. 

 

"Good thing I followed you," he said, sighing.  "I knew you'd inevitably let your thoughts take over."  Shunsui said nothing, smiling ruefully at Juushirou's correct assumptions.

 

In the end, Juushirou sat down at the edge of the _onsen_ while Shunsui soaked, and they talked.  They talked freely of the night that had passed, small touches and warm smiles being exchanged along the course of the conversation.  Shunsui had come to a realisation that some dynamic had changed between them, more than it had when they had confessed for the first time. Having Juushirou allowing himself to be exposed and vulnerable and placing himself in Shunsui’s trust was something that had changed him as no other previous encounters had.  He suspected that Juushirou had also been similarly affected; it was an endearing thought. He had a sudden thought. “Juushirou,” he began, wondering if he was going too far.

 

“Hmm?”

 

 “Was yesterday…”

 

“...a first for me?”

 

Shunsui nodded, not questioning how Juushirou had guessed where the conversation was going.

 

Juushirou smiled shyly.  “Yes.”

 

Shunsui felt compelled to say something about that.  “It was mine, too.” Juushirou looked at him with some degree of disbelief, and the only thing that stopped Shunsui from splashing water on him was the fact that he was wearing one of Shunsui’s favourite kimonos.  “What’s that look for?”

 

“I just wouldn’t believe that someone with your level of charm and beauty would go all these years without any encounter whatsoever.”

 

Shunsui, who wasn’t expecting the clever compliment, blushed slightly.  “As a matter of fact, I did have...encounters. But!” he said emphatically, as Juushirou made to interrupt him.  “This was the first one I can count as being true, and meaningful. You are my first of many things, Juushirou, and I know I've already said it, but you could perhaps start believing it.”

 

Juushirou was looking at him intently, his eyes scorching.  Then he withdrew his legs from the warm water, and sat seiza behind Shunsui, and Shunsui had to crane his neck to look at him.  Juushirou bowed down, and kissed his lips gently, upside down. Shunsui found himself constantly sweetly surprised by the small gestures that Juushirou did, even as he kissed him back.  

 

A few minutes later, they were back in their room, straightening it up before they left.  Shunsui was a bit distracted by how good his clothes looked on Juushirou, even if they were slightly too big for his frame.  The radiant, rich colours of his kimonos, which contrasted deeply with Juushirou’s subtler, more practical ones, brought out Juushirou’s fairness of skin elegantly, and the added whiteness of his hair heightened the effect.  He looked ethereal, as if he’d been summoned by Shunsui’s mind and had walked right out of his dreams.

 

“Shunsui, you’re staring.”

 

Shunsui blinked, startled.  “Bright colours suit you,” he said finally, and was answered by a pair of raised eyebrows.

 

“Really, now.”

 

Shunsui nodded earnestly.  “They compliment your fairness.”

 

Juushirou seemed to consider this.  “Is this merely aesthetical, or something about seeing me in your possessions?” he asked shrewdly, and Shunsui had the grace the blush.  

 

“Shirou, you are beautiful, and seeing you in my clothes hammers home the reality that you are… mine, as I am yours.  If you will have me,” he added, lowering his eyes, wondering if he was being too presumptuous.

 

Juushirou seemed to have stopped breathing, given the sudden hush that fell in the room.  Shunsui could not look at him for fear of seeing rejection in his eyes.

 

“Yours,”  Juushirou mused, and the sound of his voice sent a thrill down Shunsui’s spine.  The way he said that word, pensively and yet almost reverently, gave Shunsui the strength he needed to look up and meet Juushirou’s scrutinising gaze head on.  He was a study in impassiveness, but his hands shook slightly. Shunsui moved closer, worry and uncertainty pulling him in like a fish on a hook.

 

“Mine,”  Shunsui said carefully, his tone soft, approaching Juushirou like one approaches a skittish kitten, still not able to read Juushirou's body language.

 

Juushirou watched him, his eyes unreadable, and then he reached out, and Shunsui went to him, irresistibly drawn to him.  When he was close enough to touch, Juushirou cupped his face, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Do you always claim things that you like for your own?”  he questioned, quirking a small smile.

 

"When you put it that way it makes me sound like a weird person,"  Shunsui complained softly, but at Juushirou's insistent look, he continues, "It’s a way of ensuring that...that they don’t vanish, I guess,” Shunsui muttered, suddenly ashamed at having exposed such a vulnerability of his.

 

Juushirou’s eyes softened immediately, but they were not pitiful, and for that, Shunsui was eternally grateful.  “You do not have to claim me as yours for me to not disappear. I would willingly remain by your side for as long as you will have me.”  Shunsui’s hand came up and tugged Juushirou closer to him in a sudden burst of intense emotions, but Juushirou had not yet finished talking.  Now close enough for Shunsui to see the individual lashes that framed his eyes, Juushirou continued. “I like the word ‘yours’. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you find?”

 

Shunsui dared not breathe.  “It does indeed.”

 

“Well Shunsui, here’s a secret.”  Juushirou kissed the side of his mouth, then left a trail of kisses running down his jawline, ending beneath his ear.  Shunsui shivered as Juushirou’s breath tickled his neck. “You see,” Juushirou whispered in his ear, mischief colouring his voice and making Shunsui smile involuntarily, even as his voice suddenly turned incredibly sweet, “I was always yours.”

 

Shunsui let out the breath he’d been holding in one rush, even as Juushirou laughed against his neck.  “You...you…”

 

Juushirou kissed his cheek, and Shunsui couldn’t help the tear that escaped him, even as he grinned at Juushirou.  Juushirou noticed the glistening trail, and wiped it off with gentle fingers. “Sap,” he muttered darkly, his eyes sparkling.

 

“Well, around you, darling, I’m always a sap.”

 

The conversation stopped abruptly as a knock came from the door.

 

“What time is it?” Juushirou hissed in sudden alarm.  

 

“Time to go, I gather,” Shunsui said, amused.

 

Juushirou, who’d begun making a mad circuit round the room to see if things were as spotless as they could be,  hit him with a pillow. “Don’t get clever with me, Kyouraku-san.”

 

“ _Gomenasai_ , Ukitake-san,” Shunsui proclaimed as he bowed solemnly, and Juushirou threw a second pillow at him.  

 

“Oh _kami_ preserve, now the pillows are out of their place!”  Juushirou wailed, and Shunsui couldn’t help the laughter that came bubbling out of him.  He decided to help Juushirou clear the remaining mess after Juushirou cocked under pillow over his shoulder, aim precise as ever and seemingly uncaring for his previous despair at the disorder he himself was causing.   

  

They managed to evade further knocks, gathering their things and heading out, Shunsui already halfway down the corridor before realising that Juushirou was still behind, doing what Shunsui supposed was the final sweep of the room.  They handed the key to the lady at the reception, who twinkled her eyes at them and bowed so low that her forehead touched the bench, and then they were off, buried beneath clothes.

 

It had snowed all night, and the path they had taken looked almost unrecognisable.  Juushirou seemed particularly mesmerised with the silence that blanketed their surroundings more effectively than the snow.  He took Shunsui’s hand, and gave him a smile that blinded Shunsui more than the sun’s reflection in the snow. They walked slowly, not disturbing the deafening quietness of nature that echoed in some ways the peaceful silence in their hearts.  Shunsui gazed at Juushirou while the latter craned his neck to take a better look at some trees, and smiled serenely. What manner of luck did he suddenly acquire, for someone like Juushirou to wander willingly into the heart of his life and occupy his every waking and sleeping moment?

 

He managed to keep these feelings wrapped tightly around him, not wanting to appear doubtful or ungrateful, knowing that it was just his insecurities playing with his mind again.  The real proof was to be found in the way Juushirou’s hand lay in his, and the simplicity of the gesture was enough to quell the menacing tendrils of fear that threatened to overpower Shunsui’s happiness.

 

When they stumbled into the Academy some minutes later, having taking a detour to look at the lake by the sun’s light, and then another detour around the Academy buildings to be able to sneak in unnoticed, they found Hinami waiting for them in their dorm room, her feet tucked underneath her as she read.  She looked up and adjusted her glasses as the two of them regained their breaths and tried not to look too sheepish.

 

“Hey, Hinami-chan,” Shunsui tried, in a jaunty voice.  

 

Hinami raised an eyebrow.

 

Juushirou cleared his throat, and said, in his best voice, “Good morning, Yadomaru-san.”

 

Hinami's face cracked as a smile slipped through, but she covered it with a hand quickly.  When she removed it, the smile was gone. “What were you two troublemakers doing?” she asked, her voice tightly controlled.

 

Shunsui answered, keeping his tone neutral, “We went to see the lake, and got snowed out.”

 

Hinami held his gaze for a long moment, until Shunsui was blushing, and Hinami was grinning.  “Snowed out, huh?” she said, her cherubic face lit up with wicked glee. She jumped off their futons and took both of their hands, gripping them tightly.  “Is that what you're calling it now? ...Was the snow pretty?” she mused, with a meaningful wink, and they both dissolved in helpless laughter.

 

“Hinami!” gasped Juushirou as he fought for breath, so astonished that he forgot about formalities.  Hinami seemed delighted by the slip-up, her eyes lighting up with renewed joy.

 

“My dearest Hinami,” Shunsui said, slipping a hand round Juushirou and letting it rest on the small of his back, “the snow was absolutely beautiful.”

 

The loaded answer that held more meaning than those words could convey that Shunsui had uttered made Juushirou flush prettily and Hinami clap.  Her face became more serious, though it didn’t lose its warm smile. “I’m so happy for you,” she said honestly, and Juushirou surprised Shunsui by reaching out for her and enveloping her in a hug.  Hinami, being much shorter than either of them, had to rise on her tiptoes to reach Juushirou, but she returned the hug tightly. Shunsui grinned at her from behind Juushirou, and she grinned back, a grin that widened when Shunsui winked pointedly.

 

When they’d parted, Hinami suddenly seemed to remember something.  “Ah, I was in here for a reason before I discovered you were...uh...looking at snow.”  She turned towards their desk and slid an envelope of its surface. “It’s for you, Juushirou-kun.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this! I wish my dumb brain would let me edit this slightly before the deadline for uploading it because this was hell :))) Listening to Allegro con Brio while editing is an experience that my sleep-deprived brain enjoyed, would recommend. 
> 
> I don't think I need to make the rating of this fic higher, but if y'all think so, please tell me :D
> 
> Also, I believe I made up a bunch of constellations. Creative liberty!!!!!
> 
> See you next time! ~ <3


	6. ‘I only have eyes for you’.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few quick notes on the assumed setting:  
> Love between people is always accepted - notions like homophobia don't exist. What exists is a deep and abiding respect for positions of nobility - so people won't bat an eyelid if two guys are going out, but they will gossip if they're not of the same social standing.  
> Also, I'm assuming the Kyouraku family to be one of the 4 noble houses, even though this was never specified.
> 
> Slight NSFW warning for the end of the chapter! ;) (it's vague - warning just to be on the safe side)

_ “It’s for you, Juushirou-kun.” _

 

Juushirou took it from her, frowning slightly.  “This is my mother’s handwriting,” he muttered, finger brushing the neat print before hurriedly opening the letter.  As his eyes raked the paper, Shunsui stood watching, biting his lip in nervous anticipation. When Juushirou lifted his eyes from the paper, both Shunsui and Hinami were looking at him with wide eyes.  Juushirou smiled to show them that it was nothing terrible, and they both sagged slightly from relief. Shunsui couldn’t handle the silence anymore, so he prompted, gently, “Shirou…?”

Juushirou reread the last paragraph, then he sighed and said, disappointment making his voice heavy,  “My siblings all came down with colds, and my mother doesn’t want me to risk my health by visiting. I won’t see them for a while now.”  He smiled sadly. “I miss them.” Then, with a visible effort, he seemed to cheer up. “I’ll just dust up on my studies, and go easier in the rest of the year so I won’t stress myself out.  Look to the positive things in life!”

Hinami nodded at that, her smile returning, but Shunsui could not shake off the feeling that Juushirou would spend his birthday alone for possibly the first time in his life.  Knowing the special significance of his birthday, another year of gifted life that he got to see till the end, it made it all worse.

While he had been immersed in thoughts, Juushirou had asked Hinami about her plans for the holidays, and when he tuned in again, she was in the midst of describing some family getaway, eyes bright behind her oversized glasses.  Shunsui watched them converse, already thinking of something he’d been meaning to ask for a very long time anyway, and the opportunity seemed suddenly to present itself suddenly, as if by some chance of fate.

He began forming a plan in his brain, calculating the days left till they broke off for winter break - exactly a week - and trying to think of what his family would say when he walked in with the white-haired beauty, so much lower than him in status but so much more noble in heart.  Juushirou turned to him then, and Shunsui remembered the touch of his fingers, tender on his skin, and he felt the months-long fear lift as easily as if it were a feather blown away by a sudden gust of cleansing wind. He grinned at him, widely and freely, and Juushirou smiled back, briefly forgetting his disappointment in the surprise of witnessing a rare  moment of genuine happiness gleaming on Shunsui’s face.

“Jyuu-chan,” he said in a sing-song voice, and Juushirou raised one jet-black eyebrow in a perfect arch in an expression of incredulity.

“Hmm?”

“What should with do with Hinami?  She’s in the boys dorm - isn’t that against the rules?”

 

Juushirou lost the incredulous look as he caught on to Shunsui’s meaning, while Hinami spluttered indignantly, adjusting her glasses as they wobbled alarmingly on the bridge of her nose.  “Look who’s talking, Shunsui - the paradigm of the upkeep of rules!” She turned slightly desperate eyes to Juushirou, but the latter was already sold, his green eyes shining with pure mischief.  Hinami backed up until her back bumped into the wall, then turned tail and fled, Shunsui and Juushirou both hot on her heels, until they caught up with her and lifted her bodily up, and, dodging her squirming and flailing limbs, dumped her head-first into a snow-drift.

Their laughter brought other students to the sight of the heinous crime as Hinami reemerged with damp hair, spitting out snow and glaring daggers at her friends, which sent them skittering away from her anger, laughing loudly, the tensions that the letter had brought with it that morning melting away like snow in the morning sun.

 

***

Shunsui’s plan was fully formed by the time lunch came around, and when Juushirou had gotten up from the table to ask sheepishly for seconds, Shunsui rounded on Hinami and informed her of his plan.  

“So first, you drown me in snow, and then you come begging me for help?” she replied with a smirk, and shook her head with a sigh at Shunsui’s pout.  “Of course I’ll help you, idiot,” she countered, just as Juushirou returned with his second helping, oblivious to the little conversation that had occurred between his two friends.

 

As soon as they got out of the dining room, Hinami tugged on Juushirou’s sleeve and asked him politely, “Juushirou, could you help me with my kido homework?  Consider it payment for the snowing you and your  _ lover  _ gave me.”  Hinami emphasised that word, looking nonchalant, but Shunsui caught the wicked gleam in her eye, and knew she had used the word specifically to witness both their reactions.

Juushirou blushed at the word ‘lover’, and the split-second glance aimed at Shunsui was so heated that Shunsui almost gave up on his plan and took Juushirou far away from prying eyes. Hinami's shite-eating grin was enough to push the sudden desire away, and he made up his excuse of ‘brushing up on his sword-training’, avoiding Juushirou’s eyes as he slipped off in the general direction of the barracks.  When he was sure that Hinami had steered Juushiro away from his sight and out of reiatsu detection, possibly tormenting him with more of her devious questions, Shunsui changed direction and walked out of the Academy grounds, slipping off into the same town he and Juushirou had only just come from.

It hadn’t snowed that day, and the sun had been shining for most of the time, so the snow levels had sunken, and the road wasn’t as treacherous as it had been the previous night, and Shunsui made admirable progress, so much so that he reached the town in less than half the time it had taken them the day before, not including their several diversions.  Shunsui cast a glance at the boarding house where they’d spent the night, but the memories threatened to send his thoughts elsewhere, and he didn’t need distractions. He was on a mission.

He walked down the main road, nodding at a few people he recognised.  It wasn’t his first time here - this town was under Kyouraku protection, the ones inside Seireitei, seeing as that town was within the borders of Seireitei, and as a younger, less important son of the extended family, most of the inhabitants knew him at least by sight and title.  However, he’d visited enough times to make the acquaintance of Ren-san, a very talented tailor who stocked his small shop at the edge of the town with some of the most beautiful materials Shunsui had ever seen. In fact, the little-known shop had survived as long as it had from Shunsui’s regular visits, and most of his clothes had been bought from him.  He paid him more than any of the town’s residents could possibly afford, more as gratitude for his continued excellence than as a show of wealth, and his generosity had earned him the favour of the old tailor, who crafted beautiful clothes for him in return. It was a symbiotic relationship they shared - and it was to him he was going first. He knew that the old man would help him. His keen artistic eye would surely provide him with the perfect idea.

Arriving at the door, he stopped for a moment to catch his breath and survey his surroundings.  Ren-san’s shop, being in the centre of a crossroads, had perfect view of the quaint streets that spawned off to all four corners of the compass.  His eye caught on a small trinket shop at the corner of one of the side streets that he had not seen before, and he sealed it in his memory. He’d check it out after Ren-san.  He turned back to the tailor’s shop, and firmly opened the door, stepping inside the familiar interior. His eyes roved across the fabrics that were on display on every wall of the tiny shop, stopping on the elderly man behind the counter, who executed a low bow, which Shunsui returned more shallowly.

“Good morning, young master.  What can I do for you today?”

“Good morning, Ren-san.  Firstly, I’d like to commend you on the work you put into my last order.  The haori is one of my favourites yet.”

The old man beamed in pleasure, and he gave another low bow, genuine gratitude clear in his eyes.  “I am honoured that you find such delights in my humble works, young master. Even though the fabric is not suited for one of your status, I will always strive to make clothes that will compliment your generosity.”

Shunsui smiled.  “You have always gone well above my expectations, Ren-san, and I must ask you to prove me right once again.  I have a person in my life whom i have come to love more than life itself, and… he is beautiful, Ren-san.”

The old man looked shrewdly into Shunsui’s eyes, and nodded sagely.  “I see the truth of your words in your eyes, young master,” he observed calmly, walking from behind his counter and nodding as if to himself.  Shunsui lowered his head, suddenly shy, wondering how everyone seemed to see this so clearly in him, but it had taken him so long to figure it out for himself.  As if reading his mind, Ren-san continued with a distinctly fond smile. “I see in your eyes what I saw in my wife’s eyes this morning, and every morning for the past decades we have spent together.”  Seeming to move on from the subject, he asked Shunsui without turning around, “Describe him to me.”

Having gone through this process with Ren-san before, Shunsui knew what he was asking for.  It was more about the aesthetics, the way the colour of the chosen cloth would accentuate a feature, the way personality can be displayed through the clothes.  “He is pale, his skin white and smooth. His hair is equally white, and he is growing it out long, and it reaches well past his shoulders now. His eyes are stunning, an iridescent green that shines with some kind of inner light. He is a fierce protector of justice but can be mischievous when the occasion arises. He is slight but strong, and he is just a few inches shorter than me.  My kimono fits him illy, mostly from the shoulders and waist.”

Ren-san was nodding, moving through his fabrics with practised ease.  “What colour were you thinking of?”

Shunsui’s thoughts went to how good the darker, rich colours had looked on Juushirou when compared to Juushirou’s own, more muted colours, and how well they brought out the whiteness of his skin and hair and gave him an ethereal feel.  “Something dark...like red...or burgundy?”

Ren-san stood thinking for a while, then turned sharply on his axis and beckoned Shunsui to follow him.  Shunsui was led deeper into the shop, and for the first time realised that he has misjudged the size of the shop by quite a bit.  The inside stretched on into the actual workshop, and a smaller, but seemingly more intricate, selection of fabrics. Upon further inspection, Shunsui could recognise select fabrics that had been used for some of his orders when he’d let the old tailor embellish according to his own desires.  He guessed these fabrics were the treasure hoard in the store, and he felt slightly awed to be seeing them. Ren-san, seemingly having memorised the location of each individual piece of fabric in his shop, honed in on a particular fabric, hidden in one of the corners of the room. Tugging it gently out from behind several other rolls of fabric, Ren-san revealed the most beautiful, maroon garment Shunsui had ever laid eyes on.  Upon looking at Shunsui, the elderly tailor smiled, knowing Shunsui’s answer without the necessity of words. He unfurled the roll of garment and laid it out on the nearby workbench, gently smoothing it out with calloused, work-worn fingers. “It seems like a fine garment for a fine gentleman, don’t you think?”

Shunsui nodded wordlessly, already in love with the idea of how well the colour would look on Juushirou.  He ran the tips of his fingers lightly over the fabric, amazed at the silky finish of the cloth. It was a heavy-looking fabric, the voluptuous colour giving it definition and depth, and yet it was flowy and breathable.  

“Would you like to have custom embroidery?” Ren-san enquired, already measuring out the lengths and widths roughly, based solely on Shunsui’s previous descriptions.

Shunsui had already thought about this.  He remembered the kimono Juushirou’s mother had given him, and Juushirou’s seeming fascination of water and its inhabitants.  “Two koi entwined around each other. I think with this colour choice, perhaps just their outline in silver silk would fit nicely, don’t you think?”  

“You have an eye for design, young Master,” the old man nodded approvingly.  Using his own kimono as reference, he pointed to a space above his heart. “Somewhere over here, perhaps?”

Shunsui agreed, having had the same idea.  Ren-san nodded to himself, muttering beneath his breath, turning back to the fabrics and delving back into the fabrics for a subdued, silver fabric.  “For the obi,” he explained, and Shunsui was sold.

Together they arranged a price, and Shunsui walked out feeling lighter.  He’d gone in with some expectations and emerged with them fully overachieved.  Then again, that had always been the case with Ren-san. Since the moment he’d accidentally run into the quaint little shop, he’d never looked at any other tailor.   He could still remember the feeling of holding that first garment and feeling as if he’d stumbled upon the greatest treasure he’d ever beheld.

He was still reminiscing about that time when he practically walked face-first into the wall of another shop.  Rubbing his nose with one hand, he unstuck himself from the offending surface and walked towards the front of the same building, which turned out to be a shop. It was the same shop that he’d spotted when he’d arrived.   _  Now that I’m here, I might as well have a look around,  _ he thought to himself, as if his curiosity wasn’t begging him to investigate the curiosities that might be hidden in this shop.

The door opened with an enticing creak, and Shunsui felt the same excitement at the prospect of exploring this quaint little shop as he would have felt as a child.  The door hit a small charm that hung from the ceiling, the delicate tinkling of glass hitting glass alerting the shopkeeper of his presence. She adjusted her glasses and beamed up at him, her long black hair skimming the edges of the counter as she set down her heavy-looking book, bangs touching the topmost rim of her glasses. 

“Good morning, young sir.  Anything I can help you with?”

“Ah, not really!  I was just drawn to the feel of the shop.”

“Are you a student of the Shin'ō Academy?”

“Aye, that I am.”

“How charming!” she said, beaming.  Continuing in a confidential tone, she said, “As a Shiba, I was expected to join too, but I much prefer this life than the fighting life.  And I still get to live in and work from inside Seireitei.”

“A Shiba?” Shunsui made a double take.  He took in her face again, particularly her inquisitive eyes, and noticed the distinct shade of blue that reminded him suddenly, sharply, of his own childhood.  “Kanna-chan?”

“Ah, then I was right about you too!  A Kyouraku in this humble establishment, what an honour!  And not just anyone, but Shunsui himself! Prime troublemaker since birth!”

Shunsui sighed in resignation, but couldn’t stop himself from smiling widely.  “Kanna-chan, is that really how I’ll always be remembered?”

Kanna laughed merrily, gliding from behind the counter and enveloping him in a strangling hug.  Shunsui was sure he was going blue in the face, but he hugged her back nonetheless. It had been years since he’d seen Kanna-chan, and many more since they last ran together over fields of green, the early flowers of childhood sill fresh and in full bloom.  

“Look at you!  You’ve grown, haven’t you?”

“Just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean I’ll always be tiny, Kanna.”

Kanna brushed her hair away, fringe sticking up in a way that brought back starkly the memories of their many halcyon days,  and grinned. “Why did you come here then? Shopping for your lover?” Shunsui went crimson, and Kanna’s eyes widened visibly. She clapped in delight.  “I guessed right! You’re so easy to read, even now in your  _ old age  _ , huh!”

“I’m going to refrain from answering that, thank you.”

“Ah, what are they like?  Quiet and beautiful, as you like them?”  Kanna was smirking knowingly, and Shunsui had to hide his burning face behind both his hands.

“Kanna!  You’re embarrassing me!”  

Kanna settled back down behind the counter, and regarded him over her glasses.  “What is their name?”

Shunsui leaned against the counter, mindful so as to not drop anything from the cluttered shelves.  “His name is Juushirou, and he is most beautiful.”

“You are happy.”  It wasn’t a question, really - Shunsui was sure that even Kanna could see how his face softened at the mention of his name.

“He makes me happy.”

Kanna beamed.  “I am happy for you, little one.”  She ruffled his hair, then changed the subject, gesturing around her.  “Have a look around, you may find something.”

Shunsui nodded, not trusting himself to speak.  He took in his surroundings properly for the first time since he’d stepped in, and smiled delightedly.  The shop was chock-full of random items, and although at first glance it all seemed like a huge mess, once the eyes settled, one could tell that a peculiar kind of order was in place.  It started to make sense that all this belonged to Kanna - she had always shown a particular and fond interest in collecting random and seemingly useless pieces of junk and turning them into something beautiful.  Shunsui made his way through the aisles carefully, occasionally pausing to pick an item, carefully putting it back each time, feeling the hairs at the back of his neck rise each time as Kanna-chan, with her unnervingly hawkish gaze, made sure he didn’t drop anything.  Finally, he reached the corner on the far-right of the store. From across the store, it had caught his eye, but he had deliberately left it last to allow more time for its exploration.

He knew he’d made the right decision when his gaze caught on the centrepiece - a beautiful set of traditional Japanese pottery that was made up of a tea cup and a bowl, along with a set of chopsticks.  The pottery pieces had a minty green gloss as their base, and painted on top of that were sakura branches in full bloom, delicate brush strokes flowing perfectly along the natural curvature of the bowl. The chopsticks were made out of the same dark wood as that of a cherry blossom tree, and painted on it with painstakingly tiny strokes were tiny sakura flowers, connected to each other with an intertwining thread of gold.

“They’re beautiful,” Shunsui whispered, picking up the chopsticks but giving the pottery a wide berth in case his hands betrayed him.  

“They’re my most treasured items,” said Kanna from  where she had arrived noiselessly right beside him, and Shunsui nearly jumped out of his skin and thanked the kami that he had gone with his instincts and lifted the item that was the least likely to break had he accidentally dropped everything on the floor.  “Did I give you a fright?” she asked sweetly, stepping past him and stroking the edge of the bowl in a reverent way. “These babies would make a fine gift, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, they certainly would.”

“You want them, then?”

Shunsui nodded, making a quick decision.  “Name the price, Kanna-san. I’ll pay anything.”

Kanna picked up both items and carried them carefully to the counter, then went behind it and ducked down, out of Shunsui’s view, rummaging beneath the table until she emerged with a beautiful length of cloth, which she used to wrap the set with, carefully bundling them in swaths of the soft material, giving them not only some protection against breakages but also making them look presentable.  “Do you like it?” she enquired, looking pleased as she admired her own handiwork

Shunsui nodded, grinning.  “You have quite the talent there, Kanna-chan, I’m impressed.”

Kanna laughed.  “Always the charmer, young’un.  I’ll give you a small discount - your charm has paid the rest.”  When Shunsui made to protest, she stopped him with a wave of her hand.  “I was kidding - your charm didn’t pay the rest. However, the fact that you are as a little brother to me has made this an obvious choice.  Please, Shunsui, this is my final price.”

Shunsui suddenly remembered his loneliness, the very same thing that had plagued him in childhood and all the years that led him up to this point, and realised that had he searched, he would have found the people who truly loved him.  He felt a sudden pang of loss at what could have been. He bowed low to Kanna, and thanked her sincerely, which left her stammering, having not expected such a show of gratitude.

“I only lowered the price a little bit, Shunsui - there’s no need for this, really!”

“It is more than that action that fuels this gratitude, Kanna-chan.  It is also the love you have shown to me, and the love I did not try to seek when I was at the bottom of despair.  I will remember the sister who is not of my blood, and yet is of a bond that can sometimes surpass the bonds of blood.”

Kanna’s eyes rounded with tears.  “Shunsui...I am and will always be there for you.  Now take these and go back to school before I start crying.  Do visit more often!”

Shunsui laughed, gripping her hand tightly before leaving the shop, already wondering how the hell he was going to sneak back into the Academy without Juushirou seeing him.

 

***

 

Shunsui thanked the descendancy of martial arts in his family for helping him sneak into his and Juushirou’s shared room unnoticed, and he hid the gifts away in his clothes chest, nestled in between the myriad colours of his kimonos.  Having succeeded in that, he allowed himself to relax, and decided to make his presence known - but not before paying a visit to the training barracks and exhausting himself suitably for his tale to be made believable. It also soothed his conscience, as by doing so, he would not be lying to Juushirou about his current location.  Although he knew it was but a white lie, it still made him feel uneasy.

 

He sought them out afterwards, earning some glares as he strode through the girls’ dorms in search for Hinami's room.  Having found it, he went to knock, only to have the door abruptly opened by Hinami. Barely sparing him a glance, she turned towards the inside of the room, and said, in a tone that suggested she was impressed, “Juushirou, your reiatsu reading has really become something!”

 

From inside the room, he could hear Juushirou chuckle, a hint of embarrassment lacing his voice as he said, “It’s only because Shunsui allows his reiatsu to flow out in so much quantities - I’m not that good with everyone else.”  

 

Hinami snorted ungracefully.  “You’re being modest.”

 

Shunsui tapped Hinami's shoulder, and realising she hadn’t let him in yet, she moved out of the way.  Shunsui ducked into the room, spotting Juushirou sitting seiza on a beautifully decorated  _ zabuton _ cushion, a tower of books balancing precariously at his side.  Shunsui guessed that Hinami had taken full advantage of the situation, as was evident by the half-finished notes lying by another, currently unoccupied  _ zabuton _ .  He said conversationally, “How was the study session?”

 

Hinami slumped down dramatically on her cushion in mock-despair.  “He’s too good. I have no clue what he’s saying.” She checked herself and amended, “He’s a great teacher, I’m just too dumb.”

 

Juushirou scratched the back of his head.  “I think you’re improving, Hinami-chan. And if I’m good at this, I am sure that you far exceed my skills at sword-fighting.  But you must keep trying!”

 

Hinami looked up at Shunsui, who was still standing, and sighed.  “When will he take a compliment?”

 

“When the stars collide, Hinami-chan.”

 

Juushirou glared at them.  “I’m right here,” he admonished without any real severity in his voice.

 

Hinami shook her head in despair, hard enough for her hair to become dislodged, falling over her face in wild strands.  “Ah, my head hurts.” Both Juushirou and Shunsui looked at her as if she had just gone crazy, having practically dislodged her brain literally two seconds before complaining of a headache.  She ignored them and continued to talk. “Juushirou-kun, let’s stop today. I need to sleep for at least ten hours.”

 

Juushirou rose gracefully from his cushion, steadying Hinami as, doing the same, she stumbled slightly and almost tripped.  Shunsui offered to help him carry his things back to their room, and ended up with a load of books that almost completely blocked his eyesight, making walking difficult.  He wondered how one could have so many books and use all of them, as Juushirou did. He certainly couldn’t be bothered to read them all, and maybe that was why Juushirou was always way above him in class ranks where the classes involved a lot of extra reading.  They bade Hinami farewell, and made their way back to their own room, unloading Juushirou’s things. When all was placed in an orderly fashion, Juushirou turned to Shunsui, smiling brightly at him. “Hello!”

 

Shunsui smiled back at him, feeling strongly as if he’d returned home.  Then again, Juushirou was the closest thing to what a definition of home ought to be, so if one removed the technicalities of the meaning behind the word ‘home’, he had indeed returned there.  He was knocked out of his thoughts when Juushirou placed a gentle hand at the back of Shunsui’s neck and drew his face close, placing a soft kiss on his lips, the normality of the action making his heart squeeze with sudden affection.

 

“I missed you,” Juushirou murmured sincerely against his lips, and Shunsui felt light-headed.  He drew Juushirou close to him, wrapping his hands around the soft swell of hips as he did so. He loved these small moments of quiet intimacy, of reassurance that this was real.  He barely needed anymore reassurance, but sometimes, in the deep dark of night, the old familiar stabs of insecurity would probe at his heart, and it was always to the small gestures that his memories turned to, such as this one, to provide comfort that the love Juushirou spoke of was true in his heart too.

 

The small moment was interrupted by a knock on the door, and they drew apart slowly, reluctant to leave the warmth of each other’s arms.  Shunsui slid the door open, and a small, earnest first year greeted him by bowing so low his face almost touched his knees. Alarmed, Shunsui almost forcibly straightened him up, hearing Juushirou’s soft laughter from behind him.  “Can I be of help to you?” he asked politely, and the boy shook his head violently. 

 

“Letter for you, sir,” he said grandly, and Shunsui heard the splutter from behind him and wondered whether the boy had heard the overflow of sudden mirth.  

 

“Ah, um, thanks,” he muttered, taking the proffered letter and only just managing to stop the boy from bowing again.

 

When he closed the door, Juushirou was still laughing quietly.  “Poor boy was terrified,” he teased, and Shunsui pinched his cheek in retaliation.  He sat down next to Juushirou at their desk and laid the letter down on the worn desktop, admiring how fast his family could answer when they felt like it.  Juushirou looked at him curiously, but Shunsui was busy prying the letter open, his eyes scanning the all-too-familiar writing. He felt warmed that his mother had found the time to write this letter.  He was also pleased that the answer he’d received to his questions - penned hurriedly in town after he’d made his purchases and delivered to the family’s manor outside of Seireitei with the apparent speed of light - was the answer he’d hoped he would get.  Messengers for noble houses meant that mail could be delivered in the span of a day, which was a feature he’d taken a full advantage of that day.

 

He turned towards Juushirou, and finally smothered down the restless anxiety that came with imagining a scenario where the response in the letter would have been negative.  “Continuing from this morning’s conversation,  _ my  _ family are in perfect health.  They would be happy to welcome you in their house, if you would accept this invitation.”  Shunsui thought that sounded a bit too final, and  _ what if Juushirou preferred school after all?  _ he thought, irrationally.  He began again, hastily, “Of course, this is merely an invitation, it’s up to you-”

 

He hadn’t noticed the blinding happiness flash in Juushirou’s eyes, as he had been too busy staring holes into the table, but his words were abruptly swallowed as Juushirou turned him round and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his lips.  Shunsui took it as an acceptance to to invitation, and as his hands came up to tangle in Juushirou’s hair, he realised that he really shouldn’t have worried so much.

 

Breathlessly, Juushirou pulled back.  “Thank you,” he whispered, and it was then that Shunsui noticed the tears that rimmed his eyes.  

 

Shunsui gently pushed some stray strands of hair from Juushirou’s face.  “You really didn’t want to be alone, eh?”

 

Juushirou lowered his eyes, his lashes shielding his eyes from Shunsui.  “I don’t mind being alone too much. It comes as a welcome relief from the persistent noise that comes with having as many siblings as I have constantly yelling and asking you to do things for them.  But I miss them all terribly, and it would have been quite lonely with no one around, especially on my birthday” He laughed with no real mirth and looked at him, his lashes sparkling with tears. “I know you’re insecure about your family, and I know that it was quite a big deal for you to tell them.  And really, I wished with all my heart that I could at the very least see you once during these holidays, but this happened and honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It may seem like quite a small gesture, but, well, uh, it’s not small for me. You’ve made my week, Shunsui.”

 

Shunsui leaned in and pressed a reassuring kiss to Juushirou’s forehead.  “I’m glad you told me this. And don’t feel selfish if you ever want to ask me to spend time with you.  I would rather spend all my days by your side than by anyone else's.”

 

Juushirou was smiling through his tears, his face gone pink at the depth of feeling behind the words.  “I love you,” he said as an answer, and Shunsui pulled him towards him and hugged him, the gesture so painfully tender it left both of them shivering for contact after they had pulled apart.  They retired to bed soon after that, lying beside each other as close as humanly possible, with Juushirou musing out loud what he should pack for the visit, a new lightness in his tone that had been missing after his letter had arrived.  Shunsui was happy to just listen to him, feeling his warmth radiate through the contact between them, content to hold his hand and, after, to watch him drift off to sleep as he too nodded off.

 

The final week before the Academy had closed off for winter break had been a hectic one for the two.  Juushirou had gone into a massive packing craze, while also manage to fit in studying in the already busy schedule.  As was his habit, in the face of panic, Shunsui declined steadily into helpless procrastination, until all his duties had been piled into the last day and the stress of it all finally caught up with him and overpowered the anxious slacking off, and he spent the last day in a feverish mania of finishing off everything he had pending.  Juushirou, who was arguably the better planner by a mile when it came to such situations, had watched him with amusement bordering on concern as he peacefully finished a book, sitting by the window and enjoying the quiet steady fall of snow. 

 

Shunsui had managed to finish just in time, collapsing on the floor in mock anguish.  Juushirou had silently flipped the next page and continued reading, until Shunsui had had enough of him ignoring him and sat up, plucking the book out of his hands and holding it aloft, out of Juushirou’s reach, until Juushirou, in a resigned tone, said, “Well done?”

 

Shunsui shrugged.  “That’s as much congratulations I was expecting, to be honest.  If I were to give myself one, I would have said ‘passable effort’.”

 

Juushirou raised an eyebrow.  “So you’re aware of your self-destructive habits?”

 

“It’s the anxiety.  It keeps telling me to DO THINGS NOW and it goes into hyper-panic mode which causes my body to shut down.  Until the stress levels get higher and they get me going.”

 

Juushirou looked mildly concerned.  “I can help with things, you know. You can rely on me.”

 

Shunsui was momentarily lost for words.  “Ah, I wouldn’t want to burden you with all that, you have your own things-”

 

“I’m a good planner.  We can come up with a plan that can fit your anxiety patterns.  Planning can also make your anxiety decrease.”

 

“That actually makes a lot of sense.”

 

Juushirou beamed, reaching up and snatching his book from Shunsui’s grasp, which had slackened at the newfound knowledge.  He smacked Shunsui lightly upside the head with it, then turned to his neatly packed bag and slotted it in. Shunsui came up from behind him and hugged him, feeling Juushirou lean backwards into his touch, his head resting on Shunsui’s shoulder.  “Do you think your family will like me?” he asked suddenly, his voice suggesting that this was a worry that had long plagued his thoughts.

“Why wouldn’t they like you?” Shunsui asked with genuine confusion.  Even taking into consideration all the various backgrounds of the students in the Academy, Shunsui had yet to meet anyone who did not speak in glowing terms of one or more of Juushirou’s most positive traits.

 

“Well I’m not very well versed in nobility...we’re only lower nobility, and although my parents taught me well, I still feel that I’m gonna embarrass myself hugely.”

 

Shunsui laughed softly.  “If my parents were to be disparaging on anyone’s behaviour, they’d have looked at me first and foremost.  Rest assured, my love, that your behaviour is so much better than mine has ever been that they’ll look at you as a shining beacon to straighten up my ‘wayward ways’.”

 

Juushirou smiled and turned his head inwards, kissing Shunsui’s neck.  “Thanks for the comfort,” he said, a hint of teasing seeping into his voice, and Shunsui felt relieved that he had managed to lighten the worry in Juushirou’s voice. 

“I think it’s time to leave,” he murmured, lips pressing into Juushirou’s forehead.  Juushirou hummed in response, but both were reluctant to end the embrace. In fact, it was several minutes before they’d put on their warm clothes and strapped on their bags.  They met Hinami in the courtyard, were they exchanged hugs and a few laughs before they set off on their way. Shunsui was glad that the weather had mellowed down a bit - he didn’t really fancy having Juushirou fall ill on their journey due to the terrible weather conditions.  They had to cross across the wall that encircled Seireitei, and from there on the crowd of students that had crossed with them dispersed into different directions, until they were alone. 

 

On  the way there, Shunsui regaled him with a detailed account of the structure of the house, and the fortified castle situated at a farther distance that they also owned but rarely visited, to be used in cases of invasion - it could fit the entire village directly connected to the Kyouraku estate, the village under their protection and governance.  Talking mindlessly was the only solution that his brain had provided him to ease - or postpone - the anxiety of having to meet his family, and of their opinions on Juushirou. Although he has eased Juushirou’s concerns, and at that time, his own, he could now begin feel the tingling anxiety that came with past occurrences of his parents spurning the things he loved the most.  That very action had sent him to his ‘wrongful’ ways, a means to forget that his parents had always thought of him as lesser than anything his older brother was. He had essentially decided to become the person his parents had often claimed him to be, so at least the telling offs would have a basis of truth behind them. An intrinsically bad plan, but one that he had stuck to with remarkable resolve.

 

Juushirou, for his part, seemed quite interested, occasionally asking questions, to which Shunsui answered easily.  If he was good at one thing, it would be to hide his nerves until they’ve gone past boiling point. Although he knew that that technique didn’t work perfectly with Juushirou, who had the hawk-like ability to spot any slight change in his mood and latch on to it, he would hold it up until his act cracked.  

 

The way to the Kyouraku estate was not too long, but sometime when they were almost halfway there, a brisk wind picked up, blowing from the opposite direction to which they were walking to.  This added the exertion that went into their steps, and at one point Juushirou abruptly stopped and sat down. Worried, Shunsui, who had been leading them some way off, backtracked, retracing his steps to were Juushirou was.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Juushirou smiled up at him, but his face showed the exhaustion he was feeling through the pinched quality it had acquired.  “This wind has tired me a bit.”

 

Shunsui knelt down beside him, sitting in the path of the wind.  His hair whipped at his face, but he knew it was useless to try and pull it back, or even tie it.  It had not grown long enough for the wind not to unravel it all again as soon as he tried to pull it back.  He took Juushirou’s hands in his own. “You’re cold,” he said, and the worry must have seeped into his tone because Juushirou’s hands squeezed his tightly.

 

“It’s nothing to worry about - it’s just the wind.  Let’s take a breather - you need rest too. The wind may have gotten the better of me earlier on into the journey, but it would have tired you out too eventually.”  He extricated his hands from Shunsui and started rummaging in his bag, producing a small wooden box. “I prepared some rice balls in...uh...anticipation of this,” he said with a rueful chuckle, handing the box for Shunsui to open.  As the latter handed Juushirou one of the rice balls, he continued, “Winter is my favourite time of the year, because it is beautiful. But winter always brings with it sickness and weakness, and it is with a bittersweet love that I look forward to the season as each year passes.”

 

They ate in silence, listening to the wind howl past them.  Shunsui’s gaze often grazed over Juushirou, catching and holding on to his hair, longer still, wild and unruly in the wind, and his eyes, gazing at the distance before them peacefully.  The noise of the wind blocked all else, and it felt as if they’d been knocked out of time, a small quiet pocket of companionship.

 

They continued their trek soon after that, Shunsui taking Juushirou’s hand to help him over a few rough patches, and leaving it there, even as the village, with the Kyouraku residence towering in its midst, came into view.

 

“Home sweet home,” Shunsui sighed ruefully, and Juushirou squeezed his hand reassuringly.  

 

They soon made it to the buildings, and Shunsui paused a few metres before they truly entered it, and turned to Juushirou.  “Darling, although I’d love to have you welcomed by all and have flowers thrown at your feet, I don’t think I can quite make it myself.”

  
  


Juushirou was smiling.  “Do they usually do that to you?”

 

Shunsui flushed in embarrassment, realising he’d walked into a self-made trap.  It was answer enough. “It was only one time…” he trailed off, feeling uncharacteristically lost for words.

 

Juushirou placed his free hand gently on one of Shunsui’s flushed cheeks, tracing the flaming skin thoughtfully with a finger.  His eyes darted around, spotting something. “Give me a second.” He slipped away, stopping near a flowering tree, and delicately picked off a small sprig from one of the branches.    He returned with a handful of small, delicate  _ ume _ , and placed the sprig of flowers behind Shunsui’s ear.  “As I thought,” he mused, stepping back to admire his handiwork, “it must have been a sight to see you showered in flowers.”

 

Shunsui’s blush spread to his ears.  He reached out for Juushirou, who came willingly, eyes full of something that made Shunsui’s throat close.  “I would have you know,” he breathed, voice hoarse and low, their closeness enough for him to be heard, “that I would have you showered from head to toe in flowers, and the flowers will wither in comparison to your beauty.”

 

It was Juushirou’s turn to blush fiercely, turning pinker than the flowers tangled with the loosened strands of Shunsui’s hair.  “Shush, you, you’ll make me do things you’ll regret in front of all your villagers,” he said, only half-jokingly, his voice catching, his eyes drawn to Shunsui’s lips.

 

Shunsui smoothed the hair away from Juushirou’s face, and whispered back, “Not regret.  Never regret.” And he bent down and kissed him, heedless of anyone that might be watching them.  It was worth it, because Juushirou’s eyes were still shining when they reached their family house, an imposing structure with roofs that stretched out and up to the heavens with reckless abandon, a show of power that was only purely nobility.  They did not need to knock, because the doors opened by themselves, servants bowing low at their master’s return. Shunsui stiffly kept himself from asking them not to bow to him, because he had only just arrived, and to spark an argument with his father this early on was not something he looked forward to.  So he strode in, thanking them, and Juushirou walked in after him, seemingly in awe at the richly decorated interior.

 

In the hall, seemingly waiting for him, was Ohana.

 

“Ohana-onee-sama,” he said, bowing, the pleasure at seeing her bleeding into his voice.

 

Ohana adjusted her glasses, and smiled calmly, as was ever her way.  “Shunsui, it warms my heart to see you hale and hearty.” She turned her warm gaze on Juushirou, and bowed to him.  Juushirou bowed back, lower, feeling that she was of a much higher standing to him. As Shunsui introduced her as his late brother’s wife, Juushirou knew that he had guessed correctly.

 

“Sh--Kyouraku-kun has often spoke of you, in many a glowing term,” he said, smiling as he remembered.  “You have a daughter, of which he is most fond of, if I recall correctly.”

 

Ohana Ise’s eyes lit up at the mention of her daughter.  “Ah! My dear Nanao is asleep in her room, but upon hearing of her uncle’s return, we might expect her to be around shortly.  She has only recently learned to toddle around, although she is not yet grown enough to use her legs.”

 

As if on cue, the door to the right creaked open, and a small child, barely two, crawled through.  She had jet-black her, like her mother, and Juushirou could see no trace of anything vaguely Kyouraku in her features.  However, he knew much about the Ise clan, and it therefore surprised him little that the young one would have the prominent features that graced her mother’s fair face.  

 

“Nanao-chan!”  Shunsui left Juushirou’s side to go pick up the small girl.  In his arms, she solemnly looked at him with clear blue eyes, pinching his nose suddenly and earning a giggle from Juushirou.  Ohana-san was looking at him - he could feel her eyes on his face. He turned to her, and found that he had been right in his assumptions.  

 

“You are the school friend he talks about, then,” she said coolly.  The tone was functionally cool, adopted to please nobility, but it held no hostility, as her eyes shone with genuine interest.  “You are the first person he has ever brought to this house apart from children of family friends,” she confided to him in a low voice, taking advantage of Shunsui’s distractedness to conduct a quiet conversation with Juushirou.

 

“I am?”

 

“Yes, indeed.  And you are certainly the first person he has brought back here who make his eyes shine with so much emotion.”

 

Juushirou flushed crimson, hoping that Ohana-san would think the strong colours of the interior decoration (mostly crimson) had bled onto his face, but Ohana laughed softly at the sight.  “Ah, we are the same, you and I,” she said, in a fond and too-sad tone. “We live with the stubbornness, the brashness, and the unbelievable gentleness that comes with loving a descendant of the name Kyouraku.  And you are lucky enough to have fallen in love with him through natural progression.”

 

Through those words, Juushirou felt some kind of connection forming between him and the heir to the Ise name.  “We are blessed to receive their love in return,” he said quietly, fearing her answer.

 

“We are indeed.  They give their hearts fully.  I still hold my husband’s heart inside my own, even though he has passed many a month ago now.  Their love is transcendent even in death.”

 

Juushirou felt an awful melancholy rise through him, part out of his sadness for her loss, and part blooming out of nowhere, from imagining life without Shunsui.  Although the likeliness of their situation was that he would die way before Shunsui, the possibility of Shunsui’s life being snatched away from him in such an untimely manner was still a very real thing that could happen, and the very thought of the possibility robbed him of his breath and left him gasping, triggering a small, transient coughing fit that tore Shunsui’s attention from small Nanao and had him come to his side in worry, still carrying the young child, who was now staring at Juushirou with interest.

 

“I’m alright, really,” he said for the third time in quick succession, smiling to prove his point.  At that moment, Nanao lifted tiny, chubby hands and pointed them, in an unmistakable gesture, at Juushirou.  “Uh,” he said intelligently.

 

Shunsui pressed a kiss to Nanao’s soft hair, and handed her over to Juushirou.  It could have been that, next to Shunsui, the youngest of two of them, and Ohana, a new mother, he, having had seven siblings, had had more experience handling children then they.  It could have been his naturally calm disposition, or the way he could always exude a sense of calm and safety. But whatever argument one might have put forward, as soon as Nanao was passed on to Juushirou, she immediately curled in on him, and, placing her head at the crook of his neck, fell asleep soon after.

 

Juushirou, normally not being able to breathe well, felt as if his lungs had ceased to function completely.  He looked up and saw Shunsui gazing at him with something new in his eyes, something that melted Juushirou enough to have to look away for fear of dropping the girl.  Ohana was smiling knowingly, gently running a hand through her daughter’s tousled mass of hair, the softness of the mother’s touch sending a pang of longing in Juushirou for his own mother.  “The little one likes you,” Ohana commented, a smile in her voice.

 

“I helped raise my siblings,” he answered by way of an explanation.  “Holding small children is second nature to me. She must have felt that.  Babies tend to be very observant, and I fear your daughter is already awfully clever for her age.”

 

Ohana beamed, clearly chuffed.  “She’ll be a clever one, that girl.”  A sadness tinged her voice and she looked away, and Juushirou noticed the glance that Shunsui gave her, a secret between them that passed below Juushirou’s awareness.  He did not allow his heart to become saddened at that, but he was troubled. 

 

Eventually, they made it out of the hall, taking a quick excursion to the girl’s room, where Juushirou laid her down to rest in a swaddle of pillows.  Shunsui touched his fingers to Juushirou’s, and Juushirou responded by entwining his pinky finger round Shunsui’s. Ohana straightened from tucking in her daughter, and looked at the time.

 

“Shunsui, your parents will be waiting.”

 

Shunsui sighed heavily.  “Don’t I know it.”

 

Ohana rested a hand on Shunsui’s face, her mothering instinct taking over.  “Your mother misses you.”

 

“I miss her too,” Shunsui muttered.

 

“They’re in the main hall.  Off with you.” Her words were final, and her voice was firm, and Juushirou felt compelled to obey her.

 

Ohana shooed them out of Nanao’s room, and they found themselves alone once more.  Juushirou adjusted his hand so that he could properly hold Shunsui’s, pressing it gently.  “I liked her.”

 

Shunsui smiled fondly.  “She made home feel like home after a very long time.  I daresay she’s a better sister to me than my own brother ever was to me, especially in the time before he had met her.”  He sighed, then moved closer and kissed Juushirou’s cheek. “Let’s go greet my parents.”

 

Shunsui didn’t let go of his hand, dragging him through several corridors and slipping past many servants till they made it to their destination.  Towering imposingly above them were twin doors, embellished with depictions from ancient Japanese folk stories, picked out in vibrant colours. On the adjacent walls, pictures of the more important family members, looking stuffy and important, hung in a row, their eyes following the two of them as they got closer to the door.  Shunsui spared a glance at Juushirou, who had ignored the imposing portraits in favour of the more beautiful centrepiece, and saw in his eyes what he remembered from his own childhood, when he had first begun to appreciate how beautiful this particular piece of art was. Juushirou, feeling Shunsui’s gaze on him, had the grace to blush.  “It’s so beautiful,” he said reverently, his free hand curling into a ball, as if to stop himself from reaching out and tracing the patterns.

 

“Hey, Juushirou.  Do you mind if I don’t let go of your hand?”

 

Juushirou looked sharply at him.  “If this is simply an act to stand up to your parents-”

 

“I want them to know my heart belongs to another, without having to endure an interview and the subsequent grilling about nobility and duty and all the bullcrap.  I won’t hide this. I won’t hide you.”

 

Juushirou’s mouth worked, but no sound came out.  Instead, he huffed out a small laugh, ears glowing in embarrassment and happiness.  “Ohana-nee-sama was right,” he said mysteriously, and Shunsui ached to shake the answer to that riddle out of him. He didn’t need to, because Juushirou continued, “I am lucky indeed to have your heart.”

 

Shunsui knew that if this continued for a second longer, any resolve and will he’d built up to meet his parents would be thrown to seven hells in preference to whisking Juushirou away to  _ kami  _ knew where.  Trying to fight the crimson wave that was clawing at his neck, he turned to the door, and knocked once.

 

Instantly, the doors were opened, smoothly and soundlessly, the two doormen bowing low as Shunsui walked in, Juushirou half a step behind him, with his head bowed respectfully.  His mother and father were sitting at their chairs, his father wearing his characteristic frown, and his mother’s face donning its usual indecipherable expression.

 

“Mother, Father.  I am returned, if briefly.”

 

His father stood up, and Shunsui could feel Juushirou waver between standing and bowing to the ground.  He held his hand tighter, preventing him from lowering. He would not have him bow down to his father like some lowly peasant farmer, not when the nobility of his heart outshone the proclaimed nobility of his father’s name.  His father, in the meantime, had descended the few steps that kept their chairs feet above the rest of the floor, and was circling them like a vulture. “My son, you have not visited in weeks, and when you do, you bring a friend.  Most unusual.”

 

His mother, from where she was sitting, said, her voice deep and strong, “Your...friend...has a voice, I presume?”

 

Juushirou stiffened beside him, but his voice was as smooth as honey as he introduced himself, flowing over all the noble titles as easily as if he’d been born into this life.  Even Shunsui was impressed at the ease with which Juushirou spoke, and he could see that the same could be said for his parents. Shunsui’s mother raised an eyebrow, impressed. “Well, well, you certainly know your manners, darling.”

 

“For someone of such a low birth,” supplied his father, unamused.

 

Shunsui felt the usual tendril of hard, bitter anger curl around his heart, making it stutter and tremble, but before he could speak, Juushirou cleared his throat and simultaneously pressed hard on his hand, and said, politely, but with a fire of its own, “That might be so, my lord, but my parents worked tirelessly that such a son of theirs would learn his manners.  I have no doubt that I do not compare to even the lowest of servants in this great mansion, but I will do my best to honour and respect the ways that have so long been part of noble traditions.” He ended his small speech with a low bow, letting go of Shunsui’s hand briefly before straightening and reaching out for it again. 

 

Shunsui’s father was stunned into silence, and Shunsui could definitely feel that his mother was having a good old laugh while keeping a perfectly straight face.  For his part, he was amazed. He’d never seen anyone having the guts to stand up to his father, much less using perfect manners and not losing their temper, even in the slightest.  He wished he could kiss him right there and then, but that would be taking his parent’s comfort zones one step too high, too quickly.

 

Shunsui’s mother stood up, and Juushirou’s knees wobbled before straightening, not needing Shunsui to keep him from bowing this time.  The Kyouraku matriarch looked at Juushirou appraisingly, her eyes settling on their linked hands, and then she smiled. “I am Masae Kyouraku.  Welcome, sons of mine.”

 

From behind them, Shunsui could hear his father grunt.  After all, the true leader of the Kyouraku house was, in fact, his mother.  She was the direct descendant of the Kyouraku name, the chosen representative for the family placed in this town.  It was her approval that was necessary. His father had little say in this matter, and his disparaging attitude made that all too clear.  “I am Hiryur Kyouraku. My judgement will be reserved for a later time.”

 

He stalked out of the room, leaving Juushirou gaping at Masae, who was patting down her clothes and dutifully not looking at them.  As soon as the doors closed behind her husband, she moved towards them quicker than an attacking snake and engulfed them both in a strangling hug, Juushirou visibly stiffening in shock..  

 

“Mother, we cannot breathe-!”

 

“Let a mother rejoice in the safe return of her son, Shunsui.”

 

“Why does Juushirou have to suffer the same fate?”

 

“For he is, if I am not mistaken, my son too.”

 

“Mother, you are embarrassing me.”

 

Masae let them go after a while, straightening their hair and fussing over their clothes.  Juushirou was looking at her with eyes that shimmered with tears, and Shunsui slowly rewinded and unpacked the words his mother had said and finally registered the full weight of them.

 

“Mo--”

 

“You best show this boy around the place,” she interrupted tactfully, already stalking back to her chair.  “It won’t do for him to get lost.”

 

Shunsui swallowed his words, and nodded.  “Thank you, Mother.” Masae looked at him, and the glance that passed between mother and son conveyed feelings that words alone would never have sufficed.  

 

Shunsui led Juushirou out of the hall, and noticed that his eyes were still wet with tears.  “Emotional overload?” he asked Juushirou gently, concern in his voice.

 

Juushirou hummed quietly, turning his face enough to look at Shunsui.  “Your mother called me her son.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“She reminds me of you.  She has a big heart.”

 

Shunsui, as usual, couldn’t formulate words in response to a compliment, so he just looked away, feeling Juushirou’s smile even if he couldn’t see it himself.  “Let me show you around,” he said instead, and for the next couple of hours, that’s exactly what he did. He took Juushirou to see all the rooms, leaving his own room to the last, mostly because he himself was dreading to see what had become of his room now that he didn’t occupy it any more.  To his surprise, he found that nothing had changed much. The walls were still whitewashed, with a solitary painting to break the blandness of the colour; his furniture was still the same, the solitary bed in the middle still in its place, the covers still intact. It felt barren, lifeless. It was as if he’d just left for a short while.  

 

“Ah, this place is far too organised to be your room, Shunsui,” Juushirou teased gently.

 

Shunsui scowled with no real anger.  “Oh, you’re hilarious,” he grumbled, finally depositing all their things in his room and dropping onto his bed.  A cloud of dust erupted from the contact, but he didn’t care. “ _ Kami _ , I missed this bed.”

 

“Huh.  Spoilt little lordling.”

 

Shunsui cocked an eyebrow at Juushirou.  He knew he was teasing just from the undertone of the voice he was using, but he decided to play along.  “You called?”

 

Juushirou approached the bed, sitting gingerly at the edge of it.  “You rule over a land of dust,” he said, gingerly poking at the sheets.

 

Shunsui huffed a small laugh, and closed his eyes.  “I didn’t tell them on what day I’d be arriving. Clearly, they expected me to linger.  So yes, the dust remained.” 

 

After a while, he felt the mattress dip as Juushirou leaned over, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  “Let me help clean it.”

 

Shunsui shook his head, opening his eyes.  “No, the dust isn’t good for your lungs.” Juushirou’s eyes flared, and Shunsui continued, knowing that look far too well.  “I’m not babying you. I know that you can probably beat up each individual dust molecule and make them disappear with a stare, but I don’t want to risk you getting ill over something I can easily do myself.”  He lowered his voice into a stage-whisper. “And honestly, if my mother was to hear me voluntarily ask to clean my room, she’d have a fit, so I want to challenge her too.”

 

Juushirou held the glare for three more seconds before admitting defeat.  “Ugh, why do you always make such good points?” he moaned dejectedly, and Shunsui couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“It’s because your stubbornness prevents you from seeing the points in the first place, you idiot,” he said fondly, sitting up and kissing the edge of Juushirou’s mouth.  Juushirou leaned in, but Shunsui slid out of his way, teasing. Juushirou frowned, and Shunsui grinned peaceably back at him. “I’m very dusty,” he offered as an explanation, and Juushirou groaned.  Before he could say anything, Shunsui rose to his feet and pulled Juushirou up with him. “There’s one final place to see yet, and I left it last just for you.”

 

“Is it worth budging from this room?”

 

“It most certainly is.”

 

Juushirou allowed himself to be led out of the room and through a series of corridors they hadn’t gone through before, until at last, at the end of one such corridor, a door appeared.  

 

“This is the corridor that leads to the central courtyard,” Shunsui explained as they approached it, daylight streaming in through a small glass part at the very top.  The passed through it, and Shunsui was not surprised to see Juushirou halt suddenly as his eyes took in the small garden his father had cultivated in the courtyard. “I told you it was worth it,” he said delightedly, even as Juushirou walked right past him, possibly ignoring the comment completely.  

 

“It’s like a completely different world,” Juushirou breathed, completely taken by the sight his eyes beheld.  It was filled with winter-blooming flowers, a small pond in the middle with several species of fish visible, most prominently the family’s prized koi fish, and the remnants of snow that has since melted.  The silence was punctuated by the  _ sōzu _ ’s bamboo branch hitting a rock at intervals, the quiet trickle of water sending ripples through the clear water..  It felt out of place compared the the rigidity and precision of the interior, and yet, it complimented it, the softness of the flowers removing the edge from the sternness of the building.  Juushirou lowered himself to the ground, ignoring the bench, his fingers curling round the edge of the pond. His hair fell around his face as he peered deep within the pool. Shunsui felt a smile form on his face as he watched him, the irresistible pull that Juushirou seemed to feel for the water always a mystery to Shunsui.  He sat down next to Juushirou, realising that he had never fully appreciated the little garden himself, too busy feeling wrathful towards his father to admit to liking anything that the latter considered precious. 

 

Juushirou watched him through a sheet of hair, his eyes seeking something deep within him, and Shunsui felt as exposed as that pond.  “You are very quiet," Juushirou observed. "You wonder why I love the water." It wasn't even a question. It was alarming how good Juushirou had become at reading him - or how easily his face showed emotion.  He has always been something of an open book, but around Juushirou, any flimsy walls he'd learned to build over the years seemed to flounder and fall away as easily as sand dissipates at the touch of the sea.

 

"Yes," Shunsui finally answered.  "Even at the Academy, you always gravitate towards it."

 

"You see, my family...when I was ill, they used to take me to the sea.  They didn't believe in modern medicine. They wanted me to heal naturally.  So at first, they would take me to the sea. The sea air would cure me, they said."  Juushirou ran a finger across the surface of the unbroken water, his finger leaving behind ripples that spread across the serene face of the pond, distorting the reflections within it.  "It didn't work, of course. But I grew to love the sea, and the feeling of weightlessness as you sink towards the bottom. Beneath the churning waves, everyone's lungs are helpless, worthless, dying."  Juushirou heaved in a sigh. "I'm sorry. It's a heavy subject. But I always admired the fish. They don't have lungs. They are free from the shackles that bind me. It is why I love the sea. It is a paradox, an antithetical love.  I love the sea for being free of everything that makes me ill."

 

"I think that shows the metal you're made of," Shunsui observed quietly.  "You would still love the sea, even though it reminds you of all you cannot be."

 

"I find hating to be a waste of the little time I have left living," Juushirou answered mildly, but he was smiling.  A small pause, and then, "You think so?"

 

"I know so.  Your very existence is a defiance of everything you could not have been had you not fought.  You could have died, and yet you live. You could have been weak, and yet you are strong. You could hate the sea for being a habitat for creatures with no need for lungs, and yet you love it.  You could have given up and written yourself up as a lost cause, but you didn't. I think that's pretty amazing, don't you think? In the face of adversity, I would immediately give up, sob in my room helplessly and bemoan my fate.  But you, you take that adversity and create a challenge. You shape it into stairs which you use to climb even higher. Juushirou, you scare me a bit, in an awe-inspiring way. You're formidable."

 

Juushirou was laughing quietly, his hair finally pushed back behind his ear, allowing Shunsui to see the side of his face, the curling eyelashes low over his high cheekbones, the bite of cold wind leaving behind the faintest of reds along the high points of his face.  "Formidable, you say," he grinned, glancing at Shunsui. 

 

Shunsui slid his hand into Juushirou’s with a matching grin, the stillness of the air feeling slightly warmer.  "Absolutely terrifying."

 

Juushirou eyes strayed back to the fish before he breathed out slowly.  "Thank you, Shunsui. For listening, and for understanding. It is always like this, before I commence another new year of life.  I end up reminiscing of all the times I would stay a bit too long beneath the waves, the seconds of pure peace before the all-too-familiar burn of oxygen-starvation seared my lungs, imagining a life were I could breathe.  Or sometimes, in darker moments, all the times where breathing would be nullified due to there being no use for it anymore...being dead."

 

"I am grateful that this world still has you present.  Your absence would have made many an existence, including most prominently, mine, a void."

 

"I too am glad to be alive.  I would never have understood love, being dead."

 

Juushirou had stopped looking at the fish, and was instead looking intently at Shunsui.  Shunsui leaned in and kissed him, pouring as much of the confused mess of emotions he was feeling behind it.  Juushirou, with all his accurate perceptions, must have gotten a hint of them, because when they parted, his eyes were shiny with tears.  

 

"I love you."

 

Juushirou nodded, smiling so hard it looked painful.  "I know. I see it written on your face. I sense it behind your words.  I feel it through your touch. And I love you too."

 

Shunsui curled his fingers tighter round Juushirou.  "How did I get so lucky?" he wondered out loud, eyes roving Juushirou face as if seeing him for the first time.

 

Juushirou laughed prettily.  "I ask myself that question everyday, when I wake up to the sight of you drooling on a pillow."

 

"Unflattering image.  I do not drool."

 

Juushirou was laughing properly now.  "You're missing the point. The point has flown over your pretty head."

 

"Not pretty.  ‘Ruggedly handsome’ is what everyone calls me."

 

Juushirou flicked the fingers he'd dipped in the pond at Shunsui's face.  "Sod off. You're all of the above."

 

"Awh, babe, you think I'm handsome?"

 

Juushirou gave him a look of so much concentrated exasperation that Shunsui couldn't maintain his joking front and dissolved into helpless laughter.  

 

"This conversation has really degenerated," Juushirou sighed hopelessly.

 

Shunsui managed to stem the laughter somewhat.  "This conversation only got better as time went by."  The reason why he had brought Juushirou there in the first place made a sudden, unwelcome reappearance in his memory, and he groaned.  "This conversation is about to end before my mother realises I haven't tidied the room yet. She’ll tell me it will help with character-building or something, so the servants will probably have been told, very sternly, not to touch it."

 

Shunsui tried to sit up, but was prevented from doing so by Juushirou, who was holding onto his arm.  He pulled Shunsui toward him and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you later," he said softly, and the words were loaded with promises that felt too heavy to unpack.  Shunsui returned the kiss, lips lingering over the cold-reddened skin until it reddened with more than just cold. 

 

He left Juushirou there, sparing one last glance at him before he rounded the dark, unlit corridors leading back to his room.  The entire cleaning process took longer than he would have liked, and left him feeling sweaty and dirty, so he made a slight detour to the bath and cleaned himself quickly.

 

Returning to Juushirou, he found him in the same position he'd left him in, and this immediately sparked a small worry in him.  "Shirou," he called softly, and Juushirou stirred, as if waking up from a long dream. Shunsui, who was not as good a reiatsu reader as Juushirou, could still feel that Juushirou mood had plummeted somewhat.  He sat down in the spot he'd vacated a few hours before, and took Juushirou’s hand in his. It was freezing, as he suspected. He clicked his tongue in frustration directed at himself, and stood up, taking Juushirou with him.  When Juushirou looked at him in a vaguely puzzled manner, he said, "We need to get you warm. Follow me."

 

Shunsui led him to the baths, still steaming from the bath he's just taken.  He sat Juushirou down and ran the water, making sure that it was the right temperature, and that it wasn't hot enough to send his chilled nerves into overdrive.  He helped Juushirou undress, practicality taking over, folding his clothes neatly and putting them away to one side. "Get in," he ordered gently.

Juushirou let out an involuntary sigh as he descended beneath the soothingly warm water, leaning his head back over the ridge of the bath as his limbs unfurled from their frozen positions.  Shunsui kneeled at the ridge, playing with strands of Juushirou fine hair until Juushirou regained enough body heat to talk. "It gets chilly out there," he said conversationally, but his heart wasn't into it.

 

"Juushirou, what's bothering you?"

 

Juushirou opened one eye, looking at Shunsui.  "You're getting better at reading me," he said observationally, a hint of pride in his voice.

 

"Don't dodge the question."

 

Juushirou let out a breath.  "Shunsui, when you look into the mirror, what do you see?  I swear this is related. Just answer me, please?"

 

Shunsui thought a while.  "I see someone who disappointed a lot of people," he said finally. 

 

Juushirou frowned.  "Okay, I’m going on a slight tangent here.  Let me tell you what I see when I look at you, then.  I see someone who rebelled against being pushed away for being the smaller son, who has redeemed himself by making a life for himself out of sheer dogged determination to get better, spurred by all the people who said you can't be what you have since become.  I see a handsome - sorry, ruggedly handsome -" a grin, which dawned on Shunsui like the rays of the new morning sun "-with many a suitor, and a man above all others. And - here’s what I originally meant to say - and then I look at you again, and ask, how can one so utterly above me, want me?"

 

Shunsui had a moment of clarity, a realisation that insecurities were not, in fact, unique to him.  He looked at his clothes briefly and decided they weren't that important, and slid down next to Juushirou, who opened his eyes at the sudden flurry of movement and sound and was staring at him with wide-eyed disbelief.  "Your clothes-"

 

"Juushirou," he cut in, asking the same question that had been addressed to him earlier, "what do you see when you look in the mirror?"

 

"I...I see someone who has walked through death and somehow survived.  I see someone plain, and lesser in the eyes of people around me not just out of birth, but also out of...general plainness.  I'm proud of who I am as a person, but well, I guess I'm insecure about my body? I feel weak, and I look weak. My bones jut out in all the wrong places, and my skin sometimes feels too tight.  I see illness writ plain across my face. Weariness bulges the skin beneath my eyes, tightens my lips and hunches my shoulders. I just... sometimes I resign myself that..." his lips trembled, and Shunsui moved closer, hampered by the weight of sodden clothes.  "Sometimes," continued Juushirou, closing his eyes, "I fear your eyes will see someone else, and stick there."

 

Shunsui found it hard to breath.  "Let me tell you what I see when I look at you, then.  I see the bones, I see the weariness and the illness that mar your skin.  I cannot deny that this battle has left scars. But I never thought them ugly, or demeaning.  I worry over them, when you are badly ill, and rejoice when the colour returns to your cheeks, and when your eyes regain their shine.  But the signs of battle remind me of how strong you are, even more so when you smile through it all. But you are so much more than that.  I could go on forever about the beauty you hold inside, but you have heard me wax poetic over that before. I want to talk about what struck my eyes, and held them there."

 

Shunsui reached out and traced a path over Juushirou body as he spoke.  "The brilliant green of your eyes as they lock on to mine. The delicate swoop of your eyelashes, like the last fall of leaves before winter.  The natural paleness of your skin, so delicate, like the first, untouched snowfall. The elegance of your limbs, beneath which lies a strength that makes my knees weak.  The rise and fall of each breath, the fight you fight each day, a miracle born each second. Your hands, which are so gentle, and so skilled, and so fierce in battle. Your hair, the severe black of your brows, your smile, your tears - you are beautiful, embellished with all the scars of life.  And I would have eyes for nobody else but you." 

Juushirou was looking at him with eyes that were clouded with emotion.  His mouth worked, but no sound came out. He reached out, and Shunsui met him halfway, hugging the air out of each other.  It wasn't a very long hug, hindered by Shunsui's clothes and Juushirou lack of. Juushirou face was wet, with tears or bathwater,  Shunsui wasn't certain. It was only when Juushirou spoke that he realised that he was crying. "Thank you for not omitting the truth.  My heart is lighter now."

 

They struggled to exit the bath, realising that Shunsui had no clothes to change into at the same time.  Juushirou, trying not to laugh, offered to bring him clothes, leaving Shunsui shivering in a corner, hoping that no one else wandered in and saw his predicament.

 

Juushirou returned speedily, giggling as Shunsui shot him a dark glare, seemingly having returned to good spirits.  By the time he got dressed, Shunsui realised that it was probably already near dinner time. He motioned for Juushirou to follow him, and they made their way through the meandering corridors to the dining room, where, true to fact, the maidservants were laying down an elaborate set of china.  Shunsui, leaning casually against the doorframe in a way that made Juushirou hands ache to to touch him, asked cheerfully, "What's for dinner?"

 

He was met with a bombardment of answers, and he could tell that Juushirou was unprepared for the level of familiarity that existed between them.  After being satisfied with the answers, he retreated to his room to wait for dinner to be served, dragging Juushirou along. As they walked, Shunsui explained how most of the girls had been his own age growing up, and although he was expected to treat them like servants, he never could bring himself to do it.  "My mom used to say I had too soft a heart to make a good Master, but she never said it as if that were something bad," he explained, smiling at the memory. "They were just little girls, probably terrified to be working beneath the much famed Kyouraku matriarch. She's been in battles before. They have heard the tales of her fire.  And they would have been just as terrified of my brother, who couldn't stand his own brother, let alone some girls from outside of the family. My father wouldn't have been any better, for all his snobbish pride. So that left me. I made friends with them. My brother mocked, my father sneered, and my mother was silent. Ohana-nee-sama, when she walked into our family, smiled."

 

"Ohana-san is as beautiful inside as she is outside, then," remarked Juushirou.

 

Shunsui nodded.  "She was the other saving grace for those girls.  They are happy. It is all that matters."

 

Juushirou laced his fingers through Shunsui.  "I'm proud of you," he said sincerely. 

 

Shunsui lifted their entwined hands and brushed a kiss to Juushirou knuckles.  It was answer enough.

Some few minutes later, the entire family had assembled for dinner.  Shunsui had explained briefly some etiquette rules, and found Juushirou to be already knowledgeable.  "My parents taught me, from a young age," he had offered as an explanation. "We are still nobility - just not on the level of the noble houses."

 

Now, sitting around a table, the silence was profound.  He was aware of the eyes of his parents darting constantly at Juushirou, assessing his manners, testing him.  Juushirou seemed unperturbed, but Shunsui couldn't tell of this was actually the case or not. His reiatsu was wrapped tightly around him, and not even as small hint of it could reach Shunsui.  His mother's reiatsu, in contrast, was unbridled, filling the room with her presence - a challenge of sorts, to see whether he could withstand it. Juushirou, in response, ate calmly, his manners polished, his table etiquette better than Shunsui's - although, he admitted, he had never really cared for that at all.  Toward the end, his mother, satisfied, drew back her reiatsu sufficiently for it to be comfortable in the room, and leaned back in her chair. Shunsui's father softened his stiff posture, and did not glance at Juushirou again. Looking at his mother, Shunsui found her smiling at him. Juushirou had passed whatever test he'd been going through, and whether he had been aware of the test or not was still unclear to Shunsui.  Ohana, on Shunsui's other side, coughed delicately in a napkin, but he could see that she was smothering a laugh. Knowing her, he knew that she had been remembering her own similar testing, even though her betrothal to the older Kyouraku sibling had been merely political, although the two had ended up loving each other eventually. 

 

Sparing a quick glance at Juushirou, he found him looking at him, green eyes quickly darting back to their own plate when he was caught.  Beneath the table, Shunsui snuck a hand to Juushirou knee and squeezed. Juushirou face remained impassive, but Shunsui could see that the tips of his ears had gone pink.

 

Before he could tease him further, the silence was broken by his mother, who was looking directly at Juushirou.  "So, boy, tell me about your family."

 

Juushirou beamed at her, and Shunsui knew that she had asked the correct question.  As Juushirou spoke, Ohana dug her elbow discreetly into Shunsui's ribs.

 

"You're staring at him," she whispered, smiling serenely, and Shunsui flushed.

 

"Shut up," he grumbled, just as a knock came, and one of the girls popped her head around, and addressed Ohana.  

 

"Ma'am, your daughter is awake."

 

Shunsui's father glared at Ohana as if it were her fault, but Ohana paid him little heed.  She stood up and excused herself, gaze sliding over Shunsui's father as if he wasn't there.  She nodded at Shunsui, and left the room. Shunsui narrowed his eyes at his father, who had returned to his food and did not see Shunsui's gesture.  Shunsui lost track of Juushirou’s conversation as he remembered the resentment that his father held for Ohana, and Ohana's daughter. He blamed the curse for his son's death.  The Ise curse. Shunsui felt bile rising up his throat at the thought. To despise a small girl because of a fake curse was just like his father. He didn't feel like eating anymore.

 

Dinner passed by without any more disturbances, and the air between Masae and Juushirou had lost most of the tension that had accumulated at the start of dinner.  Masae was smiling at Juushirou in a way that Shunsui recognised was solely reserved for her children - including Ohana and Nanao. Glancing at his father, he knew that that would be an impossible feat for him.  But his opinion mattered little. It was his mother's approval that sang through his blood and returned the smile to his face. This time, when he caught Juushirou hand, it was on top of the dinner table, and Juushirou didn't pull it away.  His father stood up and left, but his mother was still smiling.

 

"Do not mind Hiryur," she said, as silence fell once again.  She frowned slightly, her eyes darkening. "His heart has become colder since our son's death.  He was never very welcoming of outsiders, but now, he is even less forthcoming. I am sorry if he makes you feel unwelcome, but I can say, speaking on behalf of myself, Ohana, and little Nanao, that you are welcome to join our family."

 

Juushirou smiled ruefully.  "Thank you, Masae-sama. I am beyond happy to be accepted by you."

 

Masae tsked gently.  "No -sama for me. I am, above all else, a mother.  I'd have you remember that." She stood up, leaving the room, brushing a hand on top of Juushirou head in such an achingly maternal touch that it brought tears to his eyes.  They were alone then, and, from the window, Shunsui could see that it had started snowing again.

 

"Are you done eating?" he asked Juushirou, who was still looking overwhelmed.

 

Juushirou nodded, and they stood up.  "We should help them clear up," he said finally, looking at the pile of dishes left on the table.  

 

"None of that, sir," said a voice from behind them, and Juushirou jumped.

 

"Ryoko-chan," Shunsui greeted, as Juushirou turned to face the newcomer.  One of the girls from before, she held herself up with a certain air that made it clear she was in charge here.  Her brown hair was tied up severely at the back of her head, but her eyes twinkled with mischief that belied her serious look.  

 

"Evening, Shunsui-san.  You must be the handsome newcomer, then," she continued, eyeing Juushirou until he blushed scarlet.  "Pity Shunsui got to you first," she said, smiling not unkindly. "All the girls were talking about you today."

 

Juushirou was staring at Ryoko in disbelief, and Shunsui had to suppress a grin.  It was typical of Juushirou to not realise how gorgeous he is. His mind went back to the conversation they'd had in the baths, and thanked the  _ kami  _ that Ryoko's words flowed unfiltered from her brain to her mouth.  

 

"I...see?" Juushirou stuttered, managing to make it sound like a question.

 

Ryoko nodded sagely, even as the other girls began filtering into the room, nodding at Shunsui and glancing at Juushirou quickly before making off with hand-loads of cutlery, whispering to each other.  "Always knew Shunsui-san had a good eye for art, but he also has good eye for people too." She smiled innocently at Shunsui, who had the grace to blush. 

 

"Shut up, dragoness."

 

Ryoko grinned and bowed low.  "It was nice to meet you, my lord, and your guest.  I suggest you get out of here now, before I take up your request and have you scrubbing dishes till late into the night."

 

Shunsui slapped her shoulder in a friendly manner, and Juushirou smiled bewilderedly at her before he followed Shunsui out.  "That was strange."

 

Shunsui snorted.  "Only because you're blind.  You clearly don't see the effect you have in the Academy."

 

Juushirou eyes boggled out of his head.  "No way. You're kidding, right? You have to be."

 

"Am not.  Ask Hinami when we return.  We make bets about how many people stop to stare at you as you walk to class.  She's really good at it. I get very jealous," he said, clutching the fabric over his breast in mock-agony.

 

Juushirou seemed to be torn between laughter and disbelief.  "I'm so used to everyone staring at you that it's hard to imagine for me," he laughed.  

 

"I fear you are too modest for your own sake," Shunsui grinned, as he continued to lead him down the darkened corridors.  "Come, follow me," he gestured, opening the doors that led to the back of the estate, and slipping out, Juushirou at his heels.  

 

Snow had covered every inch of ground that stretched before them.  It felt as if they had stepped out into a completely alien world, a surreal and beautiful landscape that was meant only for their eyes.  Shunsui was glad that he had grabbed some warm clothes for both of them from where they were hanging by the door as they had slipped out into the cold night air.  The snow flurried around them, and Juushirou's eyes, sparkling like the night sky, looked upon him with a warmth that belied the plummeting temperatures around them.  From within the house, faint music could be heard, stray notes floating through the air and adding to the dream-like quality of the scene. "This is beautiful," he said, his breath plumeing out in front of him.

 

"Not quite as much as you are," Shunsui answered teasingly, and Juushirou groaned, a laugh forming on his face.

 

"I walked into that one, didn't I?"

 

Shunsui gave a small shrug, his smile overly fond - but it didn't matter so much if his emotions were written all over his face.  Juushirou could read him even when he painstakingly removed all trace of emotion from his face, so why bother going through all that meticulousness when he could just show Juushirou how he felt?

 

Juushirou moved closer and snaked his arms around Shunsui's waist, and answered Shunsui's raised, questioning eyebrow with a mirrored eyebrow.  "What?" he asked when silence hung in the snowflake-heavy air between them. "I'm dancing."

 

"Is that what you're trying to do?" quipped Shunsui, and tried to dodge Juushirou's cheek pinch, which didn't work due to their proximity.

 

"Well, I'm trying to dance with a lump of unmoving rock, so if it doesn't quite succeed, it's not wholly my fault."

 

Shunsui was so amused he leaned in and left a kiss on Juushirou's forehead.  "If dancing is what you want, then that's what you'll get," he announced grandly.  He bent his head so that his mouth was close to Juushirou's ear. "I'll have you know I'm a very good dancer," he breathed, lowering his voice , wanting to test Juushirou’s reaction.  Juushirou's back arched beneath Shunsui's hands at the admission, accompanied by a sound that Juushirou couldn't quite keep in.

 

Juushirou rested his head against Shunsui's shoulder, his hands sliding from the bottom of Shunsui's spinal column to rest on his shoulders, leaving a trail of goosebumps over Shunsui's skin.  Shunsui tightened his grip around Juushirou's waist, hands alternating from resting on the soft swell of hips to stroking the ridges of Juushioru's spine that could just be felt beneath the layers of clothes and skin.  Juushirou's eyes fluttered shut at the touch, his breath warm against Shunsui's neck. Shunsui led them into a slow, sensual dance, the music not quite matching their pace. They made their own music, the soft words exchanged between them known only to them and the snow that drifted heedlessly past their linked forms.

 

"You  _ are  _ good at dancing," Juushirou said in a voice that was little more than a sigh.

 

Shunsui hummed, and Juushirou lifted his head from where it rested on Shunsui's shoulders and looked at him, and Shunsui could see the snow that clung resiliently to his lashes, and the cold that had tinted his cheeks crimson, the lips that curved into an affectionate smile when they caught him staring at them.  Their eyes met and echoed the same sentiment. His heart full to bursting, Shunsui pulled Juushirou closer, and as the music soared higher, soft and distant and sweet, he repeated a sentiment from earlier that day. "I only have eyes for you." 

 

Juushirou's breath hitched at the intensity of Shunsui's eyes on his as he uttered those words, but the ghost of a smile that had  flickered over his face, almost gone, was replaced with a teasing, familiar smile that prompted an answering grin on Shunsui's face.  "You’ll break a lot of hearts with that statement, my love."

 

"I would break all the hearts of the world, if I knew that the prize was winning yours."

 

Juushirou laughed happily, trying to school his features into an expression that conveyed rebuke and not succeeding wholly.  "You need not go to such lengths. I assure you, my heart has been utterly conquered by you - and your impeccable dancing -" Shunsui laughed, even as Juushirou continued, "-and I too have made a valiant effort in doing the same to yours."

 

Shunsui placed their interlocked hands over his heart, never breaking eye contact.  "You conquered my heart before you ever made a conscious effort to do so."

 

"And yet again," Juushirou started, sounding breathless, "you chase away all my words with your honeyed tongue."

 

Shunsui wasn't sure who moved first, but one moment, they were staring at each other, their breaths intermingling, and the next, his lips were on Juushirou's.  It began as a soft touch, like the first tentative sun after a long, harsh winter. He could hear Juushirou's soft sigh, feel the rush of breath against his own lips, even as he parted them, seeking more, wanting more.  Juushirou yielded against him, his hands in Shunsui's hair, pulling gently, knowing it made Shunsui gasp, which it did. He bit on Juushirou's lower lip, mindful of how cold-bitten they were, and Juushirou let out a breath that sounded like a moan.  They parted, lips still touching, and lingering feelings of cold chased away from their limbs by their heated gazes.

 

Shunsui  _ wanted _ .  He wanted to touch Juushirou, pull him impossibly closer, wanted to show him just how much he cherished him.  The swaying dance had awoken in him nerves he had long since forgotten, and a desire that had lay dormant for so long, a hint of which had appeared what seemed like years ago in that small, snowy boarding house.  At the same time, he was reigning it in, not sure how Juushirou would respond, not sure if he was rushing headlong into his feelings as he had done before, terrified that displaying this terrible need would drive a rift between them.  This desire didn't feel like before, it didn't hinder his sight and leave him blind. His mind was clear - he was not drunk on this emotion. He knew what he wanted. He just wasn't sure if all parties were in agreement.

 

Juushirou stepped closer to him, something Shunsui had thought to be impossible.  He kissed him with a tenderness that brought tears to Shunsui's eyes, and if that wasn't answer enough to his unspoken doubts, the words that followed put them all to rest.  "Your feelings you will find mirrored in me, Shunsui. I want this." He paused, his eyes almost devouring him whole. "I want you."

 

Shunsui's breath ghosted over Juushirou's as he breathed out.  "Are you really sure about this?" he asked, trying to remember how to breathe.  "I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for, or something you'll regret-"

 

Juushirou was blushing, but he wasn't looking away, either.  The bitter cold around them could not dent the warmth he felt as he gazed at him, mere millimeters away, foreheads nearly touching.  He heard the intake of breath, the following words flowing out with ease. "I am ready. And I would never regret such a thing. Never."

 

Shunsui kissed his cheek, fearing that if he kissed him properly again he would not be able to stop.  He stepped out of Juushirou's arms, the cold engulfing them both. Juushirou suppressed a shiver, something Shunsui noted.  Quickly, still clasping Juushirou's hand, he led them indoors, where the welcome heat surrounded them like an embrace. 

 

They walked slowly back to Shunsui's room, unhurried, Shunsui's eyes wandering over Juushirou's body.  Juushirou, seemingly aware of this, swept his hair over one shoulder, exposing his neck and the elegant curve of shoulder bones, the only indication that he'd done it on purpose being the red flush that coloured the tips of his ears.  Shunsui swallowed hard, hearing Juushirou laugh softly and feeling a swell of affection for the one he called 'love'.

 

They reached Shunsui's room without bumping into anyone, and they stood there, looking at the front door, till Shunsui heaved in a breath.  He slid open the door, and stood to one side to allow Juushirou to glide in. 

 

They stood there, looking at each other, until they both moved at the same time, reaching for each other, Juushirou’s hands cupping Shunsui's face as Shunsui's arms encircled him, hands gripping his waist hard enough to bruise, reeling him in towards him as their lips met, clumsily and messily and they were smiling through it all, laughing breathlessly as they parted, all the jittery anticipation showing in the tremor in Juushirou's hands as they caressed Shunsui's face and in the way Shunsui's fingers were bunched in Juushirou's clothes, holding onto the fabric with more strength than necessary.  They moved towards the futon and stopped again.

 

Juushirou spoke first.  "I...don't know much." He sounded embarrassed, and wouldn't meet Shunsui's eyes.

 

Shunsui stepped away from him, giving some space, but he couldn't help running a hand across Juushirou's face, trying to smooth away the anxiousness etched in every line.  "I don't mind," he said, finally. "I know what I need to do. Trust in me."

 

Juushirou suddenly, inexplicably, choked out a laugh.  Shunsui went through the words he'd said, realised the implications, and burst out laughing, rolling his eyes as he did so.  Of all the times for Juushirou to notice an innuendo, it had to be then. As had happened before, the tension lifted considerably, leaving them gripping at each other as their shoulders shook with the effort of suppressing their laughter to try and not alert the entire family.  Juushirou finally met his eyes, sparkling with mirth, and then he pulled Shunsui down and kissed him chastely. "I trust you," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips before he got it under control. He paused, then said in a softer tone, "I trust you more than I trust in the hand that wields my sword."

 

His eyes still on Shunsui, he stepped back, undressing, the light of the moon filtering in through the window, shadows moving across skin as the snow fell on outside.  Shunsui watched as Juushirou lay down on the futon, his hair spread around his head in a way that made Shunsui's fingers itch to run through it. A spike of want burned through his abdomen at the image of the one he loved lying against the backdrop of his room, waiting for him.  He felt Juushirou's eyes watching him as he shakily took off his clothes and let them fall in an untidy heap on the ground. Although this wasn't the first time that he'd done this, he still felt weirdly self-conscious about his body, a notion that flew out of the window when he saw Juushirou's gaze heated upon him.

 

"Come here," Juushirou whispered, and Shunsui went.

 

He could feel Juushirou’s eyes on him, like they had been that time in the boarding house, but it was different this time.  Any lingering cold that had clung to his bones had long since been banished, although a chill had still eluded the warm embrace of that gaze and ran down his spine when he had undressed.  He moved slowly towards the bed, sitting on the edge and swallowing hard. He realised that he might appear to be reluctant, but he knew it to be the exact opposite. He was scared of wanting it too much, of drowning in something that would swallow him whole and leave him witless and disoriented.     

 

Juushirou stirred, sitting up slowly.  He placed a hand on Shunsui’s shoulder, sliding it down towards the base of his spine.  His hands were cold, and the shock of the feeling pierced the cacophony inside Shunsui’s mind, and clarity returned.  He turned his face to look at Juushirou, who was looking at him with worry and barely concealed need. Shunsui reached out, tangling his fingers in the hair at the base of Juushirou’s neck and dragging him forward, kissing him with a gentleness that belied the strength of the movement.  Juushirou’s hands came up to cup his face, kissing him back sweetly, a reassurance that swept out any remaining fear that has accumulated in the far corners of Shunsui’s mind. Shunsui’s hand migrated to Juushirou’s shoulder, pushing the slighter man gently. Juushirou lay back with a soft sigh, Shunsui hovering uncertainty till Juushirou rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand, pulling him down.

 

The move was uncoordinated and ended up with Shunsui sprawled messily over Juushirou, and Juushirou was laughing softly beneath him, his face shining with happiness and softness even as he stroked the stray hairs out of Shunsui’s face.  Shunsui shifted his weight so as not to crush Juushirou, and they both gasped as their bodies shifted against each other. Shunsui could feel Juushirou’s body stiffen with sudden tension, and he stilled himself, waiting for the slighter man to relax.  “Slowly,” he whispered. Juushirou breathed in, steadying himself, and Shunsui suddenly realised that Juushirou’s hands were shaking.

 

Juushirou seemed to notice at the same time.  “I’m alright,” he murmured. “I was just unprepared for the emotional overload.”

 

Shunsui hummed softly, closing the space between their bodies by leaning in and kissing Juushirou’s neck, letting his breath ghost over the sensitive skin.  Juushirou’s head fell back on the pillows, a soft sigh escaping his lips as Shunsui trailed kisses down his chest and abdomen, teeth grazing skin and eliciting a low, gravelly sound from Juushirou.  Shunsui’s hands traced over the protruding hip bones, barely touching the skin made hypersensitive by desire, and Juushirou shivered, an evidence of want that had only been preceded by a more obvious sign. Shunsui shifted his body to get better access,  trailing biting kisses down the inside of Juushirou’s thighs, persisting until Juushirou’s back was arching against the mattress in barely concealed need. Shunsui laid one last kiss at the very innermost region of the thigh, tongue pushing against the heated skin, pushing himself up to meet Juushirou’s gasp with an open-mouthed kiss, any earlier trace of trepidation melted away by the heat in Juushirou’s gaze.  Juushirou’s legs came up around him, pulling him impossibly closer, body sliding slick against body, a noise escaping Shunsui that made Juushirou laugh, breathlessly. It was a slow process, a body learning to relax and open, a poem exchanged through soft sounds and harsh breaths and quiet affirmations of love. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a culmination of a tangled heap of emotions that had no way of being expressed by words.

 

Outside, the snow drifted ever on towards the ground, and the silence was absolute.  It was like a painting, the illusion only broken by the ever-moving shadows of snow on their skin.  Shunsui traced the pattern of blossoming bruises covering Juushirou’s chest and neck, and Juushirou blushed prettily, burying his face in Shunsui’s neck.  

 

“Sorry about that,” Shunsui mumbled, suddenly feeling exhausted, emotions finally catching up to his high.

 

Juushirou shook his head slightly, pressing a kiss at the base of his neck.  “I like them,” he said, shyly. Shunsui huffed out a laugh, tightening his arms around Juushirou and pulling him closer, resting his chin on top of Juushirou’s head.  It had to be past midnight by now, he reasoned. 

 

“Happy Birthday, Juushirou,” he said into the silence, pressing a kiss into the white hair.

 

Juushirou grinned sleepily, and pulled back out of Shunsui’s tight embrace, catching Shunsui’s face with one hand and bringing it down to meet his.  He kissed him chastely, sweetly, and Shunsui’s eyes fell closed against his will, brought to tears at the gentleness that Juushirou was exhibiting. Juushirou smiled against his lips, and murmured, “It’s times like these that I appreciate life just a bit more.”

 

Sleep took both of them soon after that, tangled in each others’ arms, the silence punctuated by their steady breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent four hours editing this hulk - I hope none of the following chapters are as long as THIS my eyes are bLEEDING  
> although I edited, I might have missed some things out - feel free to yell at me about it <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! thanks for the support, my heart is so full <3 until next time!


	7. Midwinter's Son.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch to write!!! I hope you enjoy THE FRUITS OF MY LABOUR
> 
> A note on canon: In Volume 71, during the flashbacks, there are some inconsistencies to this narrative - namely the fact that Nanao hadn't yet been born at this point, and also the fact that it was explicitly mentioned that her mother and Shunsui's big bro lived in a separate estate, a point which I skated over. I try to stay as true as possible but sometimes you just gotta say 'fuck it' and write a better story ;) (sorry Kubo ily)

Shunsui woke up before the sun.  He was disoriented for a second, until memories filtered through the thick bleariness of sleep that had not yet abandoned the hope of reclaiming him for its own.  He felt blindly for Juushirou, finding warm skin and relaxing. It hadn’t been some bizarre dream. He felt Juushirou stir, turning towards him, but his breathing was still slow and deep, and Shunsui realised he was still asleep.  It was quite often that Shunsui found himself waking up before Juushirou, and it wasn’t many people who knew that Juushirou wasn’t a morning person. Many assumed that his sunny disposition switched on immediately, but it took a lot of coaxing to actually get him out of bed in the first place.  Shunsui knew he’d be kicked out of bed if he attempted to do something of the sort. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again now, but he also didn’t want to leave the warmth that was Juushirou, his head now resting against Shunsui’s chest. 

 

He stayed in bed for a further ten minutes, hand languidly stroking Juushirou’s back, soothed by the sound of his steady breathing.  He never thought that loving someone this much would feel so peaceful. His previous experiences at love had taught him that love was wanting, love was impatient, love was demanding.  He realised then that that had not been love, but simply infatuation driven by passion. He had felt as if this relationship was new territory for him because it had truly been new. He had never loved - or been loved - in the true sense of the word before. 

 

Of course, it wasn’t like love had been a miracle-worker - it hadn’t cured him from his anxiety.  Even lying there, with the very real warmth of the sleeping man beside him, horrid thoughts still crept into his waking thoughts, threatening to take away the lazy peace of the morning.  However, love  _ had  _ made him stronger against its effects, making it easier to dull the mockery of its taunting voice..

 

He felt rather than saw Juushirou wake, his face pressing into the warmth that was Shunsui’s neck as his arms curled tight around Shunsui’s chest.  He made a soft sound in greeting in response to Shunsui’s whispered ‘good morning’, evidently not awake enough to utter coherent words. Shunsui smiled in the darkness, imagining the disgruntled look on Juushirou’s face at having been woken up, the fondness in his heart almost unbearable.  The soft brush of Juushirou’s hair as he shifted caused sent a shiver snaking down his spine from the contact, and he let out a soft sound, one that Juushirou heard. 

 

“Why are you awake at this godforsaken hour?” Juushirou whispered, sounding as disgruntled as Shunsui had imagined him to be.

 

Shunsui squinted in the near-total darkness - the bright moon from yesterday had been covered by heavy layers of snow-bearing clouds - to try and catch the look on Juushirou’s face.   He couldn’t make out the finer features of Juushirou’s face, but he could tell, from experience, that Juushirou’s nose was scrunched up in disgust at the earliness of it all. Shunsui felt blindly for Juushirou’s face, and upon finding it, confirmed his suspicions.  “Don’t give me that face,” he admonished gently. He felt the expression smoothen as Juushirou covered that hand with his own and guided it to his mouth, where he laid a kiss on its palm.

 

“Only because it’s you,” Juushirou amended, smiling.  He stretched, a low sound catching deep in his throat and going straight to Shunsui’s groin.  Juushirou, aware of the effect that it had had on Shunsui, kissed Shunsui’s cheek slyly, chastely, then slid out of the bed.   His hair did not appear any less beautiful, even after that night. Shunsui was sure he’d have to spend at least half an hour trying to untangle his own.  He stared at Juushirou’s back, his eyes having adjusted to the darkness enough for him to make it out quite clearly in the gloom. His eyes fell on his pale skin, over which his hands had passed a million times but were never sated; the dip in his waist and the soft, almost unnoticeable swell of his hips; the dimples on his lower back, nestled at the base of his spine; the strength that coursed unseen through the slender frame of his body.  He was seduced by the most trivial details, drawn to them like a moth to a flame. He sat up in a rustle of fabric, moving close enough to kiss the skin at the junction between the shoulder blades.

 

“Beautiful,” he murmured against the skin, knowing that Juushirou would be blushing from the tips of his ears down to his shoulders.

 

Juushirou turned around, hands cupping Shunsui’s jaw and kissing him unexpectedly.  They parted when there was no breath left in their lungs, the darkness saturated with sound and touch.  Juushirou moved closer, grazing his teeth against Shunsui’s ear, his breath as loud as Shunsui’s heartbeat.  “Dawn is a far way off,” Juushirou said softly, the smile so devious Shunsui could almost hear it.

 

Shunsui’s hands, which had been loosely curled around Juushirou’s waist, suddenly became alive with intent, even as they fell back onto the soft, dishevelled mess of pillows and sheets, any of the old remnants of modest restraint thrown out amidst the cold snow.             

 

When Shunsui woke up for the second time that day, it was to the sight of Juushirou already awake, eyebrows scrunched in concentration as he read a book.  Shunsui stirred, stretching his hands above him, and Juushirou spared him one shining smile before he returned to his book. Shunsui sat up, brushed a kiss to the side of Juushirou’s head, and got out of bed, dragging clothes over his body in the sluggish manner of one who had woken up from deep sleep.  He glanced out of the window and winced. The early morning sun was shining feebly through a thick layer of low, grey clouds, and on the ground lay an immaculate layer of white snow. Behind him, Juushirou closed the book with a faint thump and yawned. 

 

“Looks like it will snow all day today,” he remarked from bed.  He sounded pleased at the idea. 

 

“You look happy about the prospect,” Shunsui said, leaning against the wall and watching Juushirou stand up and get dressed with an unusual vigour for so early a morning.

 

“Reminds me of my first birthday after the year I was meant to die,” Juushirou elaborated.  “It had snowed all day and all night. My parents had planned an extravagant - by lower nobility standards - outing as a celebration, but had to cancel all plans, and we ended up staying at home.  It was the year before my sister was born, so it was just my parents and I, and it was the best thing I can remember. And now, everytime it snows on my birthday, it reminds me of then. And now, of this,” he added, moving towards Shunsui and kissing him softly, hands snagging in the soft fabric of Shunsui’s clothing.

 

Shunsui’s breath caught in his throat, the pieces of information slotting into his head, dredging up bittersweet emotions from deep within him.  His parents had never shown either of their children, especially not their youngest, any hint of such deep caring - a small part of him was envious of those small details of Juushirou’s past.  But on this day, with the person whom his heart cherished above anyone and anything else in his arms, he didn’t allow himself to dwell on the failings of his parents, but he chose instead to let his heart be happy in Juushirou’s happiness.  He kissed him back deeply, moved by the fact that he had somehow become part of the specialness of the day. Juushirou seemed to realise the slight disturbance of his heart, because when they parted, his eyes were slightly downcast. Shunsui shook his head gently, willing him to lose the worry from his eyes.  Juushirou nodded once, grazing his fingertips in a casually fond way over Shunsui’s cheek before he excused himself and made a slightly comical dash for the restroom. 

 

Upon his absence, Shunsui remembered the gifts that he’d bought, smiling when he remembered how he’d been worrying about how to pick up the kimono from the shop a week after he’d ordered it - without Juushirou realising it - when Kanna had snuck in, unannounced, through the window of their dorm room back in the Academy, bearing the neatly wrapped kimono in her hands and grinning like a wildcat.  She’d taken one look at his face and burst out laughing, much to his chagrin. She’d told him about how she’d ran into the elderly Ren-san, who had been worrying about the journey he’d have to make, and how she had offered to help him with his delivery, only then realising that the package was meant for none other than Shunsui. She went on to explain how she had managed to sneak into the Academy, which had then made him slightly worried at the lack of security around the area, which she assure him was quite high - she was just brilliant.  (Shunsui had definitely rolled his eyes at her self-satisfactory grin at that point.) She’d picked up his dorm from his reiatsu reading, which, she had remarked, was very distinct - Shunsui was not sure if that was a compliment or not. She had barely managed to finish her tale before Shunsui felt the telltale reiatsu of his roomate approach. Panicked, he had stuffed her in his closet, and had told her, very firmly, to wrap her reiatsu around her. Juushirou had given him a weird look , presumably due to what Shunsui had imagined to be a somewhat crazed look in his eyes, but had said nothing, and exited the room soon after, having had just come in to pick up a book.  Shunsui had quickly evicted Kanna from his room, but not before she had told him just how pretty Juushirou was.

 

Now, in his room, he glanced at the inconspicuous bag in which the gifts were.  He knew, instinctively, that Juushirou would complain about his lavish money-spending if he were to present both of them as his birthday gift, so he was going to present them as both a birth-celebrating gift and a gift to herald in the new year.  He always felt unnecessarily nervous about gift-giving. It was a small, nagging anxiety at the back of his head, making him wonder if he’d chosen correctly, or if he had completely misread the person to whom the gifts were to be presented to. He pushed it away, not wanting anxiety’s bitter taste to ruin the morning for him.  He made up his mind and strode to the bag, opening it and removing its contents. Placing them carefully on the bed, he then exited the room, making his way to the dining room and meeting Juushirou halfway. They walked the rest of the way together, passing the kitchen and spotting Ryoko in there with all of the other girls, who crowded the door and chorused a loud, very cheerful ‘Happy Birthday’ at Juushirou.  Juushirou, beet red, thanked them profusely amidst the many coos from them as they took in his redness with delight. When they had, with some difficulty, extricated themselves from the many well-wishings of the girls, Juushirou had turned accusatory eyes at Shunsui, who shrugged and said, “Might’ve slipped out of my mouth that it was your birthday today.”

 

Juushirou snorted at that.  “Clearly.” He was smiling, however, so Shunsui knew that he wasn’t bothered - just excessively shy from all the attention.   

 

“I know it’s hard for you to be away from your family, and I guess I just wanted you to feel as surrounded by a family as possible,” Shunsui finally explained, a little embarrassed.  “We’re not exactly a functional family as is, but Ryoko and the girls, Ohana-nee-sama and Nanao-chan, and even my mother - they all already love you like one of us. I know, again, that it won’t compare, but I just wanted to let you know that everyone here is very taken with you.  Not as much as  _ I’m  _ taken with you, of course,” he added slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Juushirou groaned.  “That was so sweet, and then you say something like that and now I’m all red,” he complained.

 

Shunsui grinned at him, reaching out and twining his fingers around Juushirou’s before they both walked into the dining room.

 

Breakfast was a silent affair, with Shunsui’s father conspicuously absent.  Even tiny Nanao was silent, clinging to her mother and looking at all of them with huge eyes.  Her mother looked tired, eyes lowered to her plate, only cracking a smile occasionally when her daughter whispered something in her ear.  It was with a certain solemnity that Shunsui and Juushirou left the room, and Shunsui had all but forgotten gifts that he’d laid on his bed.  

 

Juushirou walked in first and halted suddenly, Shunsui not noticing and almost barreling straight into him.

 

“You didn’t,” Juushirou started in disbelief, and Shunsui rubbed the back of his neck and grinned abashedly as memory returned.  Juushirou turned to face him, his eyes wide. “When did you--?”

 

“I made Hinami engage you in studying while I snuck out of the Academy some time ago.”  Juushirou was hardly listening, tracing the wrappings with something between curiosity and confusion.   Shunsui laughed and said, “You can open them, you know.”

 

Juushirou carefully undid the wrappings, eyes widening as they revealed their contents.  “How did you-- These are so beautiful…” His voice fell, becoming almost a whisper as his fingers ghosted over the fabric of the kimono and tracing the little koi details,  then switching over to the bowl and cup, eyes tracing the swoop and fall of the delicate sakura blooms, holding on to it carefully. The silence made Shunsui jittery, fingers fidgeting as he waited for Juushirou to say something, anything.

 

Juushirou placed the bowl and cup carefully on a solid surface, then turned towards Shunsui with a face that glowed with happiness.  “How can I even thank you you for these? They’re absolutely beautiful - these koi are just like the ones my mom embroidered for me, they’re  _ beautiful _ \- I won’t ever be able to match up to-”

 

Shunsui had stopped fidgeting when he saw the expression on Juushirou’s face and finally determined that his gifts had been appreciated and, most importantly, liked.  He also knew where Juushirou was going with his words, so he stopped him before he could finish. “You repay me everyday by choosing to love me. Even the simplest smile is enough.”

 

“You know that is true for me too, right?”

 

“I...I...yes, I guess,” Shunsui stumbled over his words, feeling the embarrassed flush take over his face.  “But, well, I guess I remember how it felt like when my mother would walk in, early in the morning, and gift me with something she had really thought about and knew I’d like.  It was so unusual for my mother to even smile at me, especially when I was old enough to be conscious about me throwing my life away - not many people smiled at me back then. She’d expected me to be a true Kyouraku...anyway, that’s really not the point of this conversation.  I just remember the emotion I felt at the thoughtfulness of the gesture, and I knew you’d appreciate the same sentiment. So I tried to really think, and-” 

 

Juushirou reached out and enveloped him in a hug that crushed the breath out of Shunsui.  “I love this side of you so much,” Juushirou murmured, his voice wavering with emotion.

 

Shunsui rested his head against Juushirou’s. Waves of relief flooding through him even as he smiled.  “What side would that be?” he asked teasingly. 

 

“Your caring, thoughtful side.”  Juushirou answered him with the seriousness of truly meaning what he said, and Shunsui felt the truth of those words hit him.  He squeezed Juushirou in return, trying to remember when he’d started showing such a side to Juushirou. Had he always strived to be so in Juushirou’s presence?  Was Juushirou’s presence the cause for that side, or the catalyst for it? Juushirou made a small noise in his throat, and pulled back fractionally, enough to be able to look Shunsui in the eye, a shrewdness in his eyes that spoke of how well he knew Shunsui.  “The side that I could always see, even when you buried it beneath miles of casual cheer and frivolous good nature,” he added, a little  _ too _ meaningfully, and Shunsui couldn’t stop the helpless laughter at the very accurate prediction from Juushirou.  

 

“You’re too damn good for me,” he said gruffly, kissing the side of his head.

 

Juushirou closed his eyes, much like a very content cat.  “I just know you,” he replied. “I know how your brain is constantly restless with worry.  So, I just seek to quieten it down to the best of my abilities.”

 

“I love you,” Shunsui said softly, relishing in how the words still made Juushirou’s face glow.

 

At that moment, a knock came at the door, and Shunsui reluctantly stepped away from Juushirou and went to answer it.  To his surprise, Ryoko was standing behind it. Her eyes held a guilt he had not spotted since they were children, and she kept darting quick, furtive glances behind her back.  “Kyouraku-san,” she said as soon as he opened the door, bowing low. Immediately, Shunsui knew something was wrong. Ryoko had never before addressed as such, not even in the very early days.  

 

“Satō,” he said in a neutral voice, instantly catching Juushirou’s attention.  “Is there something wrong?”

 

“May I come in, my lord?”

 

Shunsui stepped aside, shutting the door behind him as he rounded on Ryoko urgently.    “What ever is the matter, Ryoko?”

 

Ryoko hushed him.  “I’m not meant to be here, so just shut up and let me tell you.  I must be very quick.” Shunsui could feel Juushirou’s shock at how she had addressed him, something close to outrage, and he couldn't help but feel just a little bit amused, until the gravity of the situation quenched it altogether.  “You weren’t meant to find out, ever - but I can’t keep it in me any longer. It just isn’t fair, especially seeing how she always treated you with kindness, sir.”

 

“She?  Who are you -- Ohana-nee-sama.”  Shunsui suddenly felt the horror of the realisation sink to his very bones, and he found that he couldn't stand anymore.  He sunk to his bed, feeling the reassuring, steady presence of Juushirou by his side. He didn’t ask himself how he’d known, but somehow, he knew he was correct in his assumptions.  Ryoko’s next words confirmed this. 

 

“She was...  _ let out _ of here as soon as...as your esteemed brother died, sir.  Your father...he wouldn’t have her be here any longer. He was convinced it was…” she flinched, fear drawing her arms together over her chest - fear at Shunsui’s reaction, he realised afterwards.  “Convinced it was the  _ curse _ , milord.  I know it is all lies, but he wouldn’t see reason.  Your mother, sire, she had to let her go. The citizens were all mortified of her - they all think she is a sorceress - they are superstitious.  They see her daughter, the same shape and form as her mother and seemingly not a drop of Kyouraku blood in her veins, and they whisper. Your mother has been bringing Ise-sama here every time you are to visit.  She did not want to break your heart. She reasons that it was the only way to go - all the noble families do the same, if the dead son’s widow is left behind. You must try and understand-”

 

“Where is Ohana-nee-sama now?”

 

Ryoko flinched at his tone.  “Preparing to leave, sir,” she said in a voice close to a whisper.  She could sense Shunsui’s anger, all neatly packed away behind a placid, cool tone of voice, and a face that betrayed no emotion.  “I came here at once.”

 

Shunsui let go of his breath, steadying himself.  “Thank you, Ryoko. Thank you very much. You can leave.”

 

Ryoko bowed low to Shunsui and almost as low to Juushirou, then turned tail and fled the room, barely managing to use her legs against the paralysing pull of Shunsui’s reiatsu.  Juushirou’s face was as thunderous as how Shunsui felt on the inside. Shunsui put his head in his hands, the surge of anger driving his thoughts into a frenzied whirlwind. 

 

He heard Juushirou move, the rustle of clothes loud in the still-shocked-silence of the room.  He felt Juushirou’s hands gently part his own, forcing him to lift his head up and look at him.  His eyes were fiercely angry, and despite himself, Shunsui felt a thrill of something akin to fear.  He would not want to be the one stuck at the receiving end of that. 

 

“You need to go to her, Shunsui.  That’s the most important thing. This charade cannot continue any longer.”  He hesitated before continuing. “I don’t know if I should be there for it. I think you need to do it alone.”

 

Shunsui nodded.  “I’ll go. I need to send her off with a proper goodbye.  But… I think I can’t face my father alone.”

 

Juushirou was unrelenting in his anger.  “I will be by your side if you think it necessary.”

 

Shunsui felt slightly reassured at the notion.  A thought struck him through the haze of emotion clouding his brain.  “Why are you so angry?”

 

Juushirou closed his eyes briefly, as if trying to stem in the jagged emotion rolling out of him in stormy waves.  “My family is not of the higher nobility,” he began. “We do not uphold certain...traditions.” He spat out the word like acid, and Shunsui winced - although he knew that Juushirou’s anger was not for him, it was still frightening to see him so worked up.  “My sister...my oldest sister...she died. Her husband wasn’t kicked out. He does not have a family outside of ours. It is the only place that remains where he can still remember his wife. I cannot abide this cruelty.”

 

Seeing Juushirou’s righteous fury seemed to have the opposite effect on Shunsui.  He felt his mind clear up slightly. He rose to his feet, lifting Juushirou up along with him.  “I’m going to apologise to Ohana-nee-sama on behalf of my family,” he stated firmly, mostly to himself.  “Then, I’m going to walk straight to my father and...talk to him.” He faltered, the thought of his father momentarily freezing him up.  

 

Juushirou’s eyes softened, and he sighed.  “I’m sorry I get so worked up,” he muttered, covering his face with one hand.  “Things like this rile me up like no other.”

 

“You never told me about your sister.”

 

“It never seemed like the time to say anything.  It happened before I started the Academy, anyway.”  Juushirou brushed it away firmly, not allowing Shunsui to escape into a subject that didn’t rotate around the heaviness of the reality they’d just been thrown into.  “Your father is not the leader of this household, Shunsui, but...but he’s your father. You must remember this.”

 

Shunsui scoffed.  “Not the best father there is.  Can’t say he’d win many awards for it.”

 

“Be serious.”

 

“Humour is my coping mechanism, darling.  I’m drowning in coping mechanisms right now.”

 

Juushirou gripped him by the shoulders and shook him gently.  “Please remember that you’re not alone. I’m here. I’m always here.”

 

Shunsui smiled ruefully at his beautiful, passionate, brilliant-eyed love, and said back to him, “I know.  I know.”

 

***

He left Juushirou behind, making his way to Ohana’s room with trepidation.  He had always held his sister - not by blood, but by the bonds that had been created by marriage - in the highest esteem, and she, in turn, had always treated him with the gentlest of dispositions.  He could understand why his mother would have kept her banishment a secret, but it didn’t feel right, and it certainly didn’t feel fair. 

 

He reached her door and hesitated for a fraction of a second, caught between wanting to talk to her and fearing what he might find - or not find.  He knocked once, and heard the sound of her always-polite voice answer back. He slid the door and found himself facing a very neat, very bare room.  She clearly hadn’t been expecting him from the way her eyes widened behind her too-big glasses. “Shunsui - I mean, Kyouraku-san-”

 

“Nee-sama, please.  None of that.” He walked in and slid the door shut behind him.  “I came here to address an issue.” He thought hard and began to spin a small lie, trying not to get Ryoko-chan into a lot of trouble.  “One of the servants accidentally let slip a small detail that had me very worried.”

 

Ohana looked resigned.  “Dear brother, please, sit.”  She patted a space on the bed beside her, shifting her weight so the dark bundle on top of her - Shunsui realised, belatedly, that it was her sleeping daughter - could rest more comfortably in her arms.  He sat down, looking at Ohana’s familiar, worn face and noticing things he hadn’t before, like the worry lines that had deepened exponentially since he had last taken good notice of them, and the silvery threads that ran through her fine black hair, carefully and masterfully hidden away behind locks of darker hair.  She was avoiding looking at him directly, choosing to gaze at her daughter with the usual gaze of infinite love and infinite sadness mingling paradoxically on her face. “How much do you know?” she said, softly.

 

“I know you’re just a guest here.”

 

Ohana’s calm shattered.  He could sense it from the way her usually upright form seemed to suddenly cripple, hunching over the still figure of her daughter in a protective shell.  It was the devastating image of a mother who had lost everything except for the single precious burden breathing silently in her arms, and Shunsui’s heart ached at the sight.  “Yes, you’re correct,” she said, her voice catching as her breath grew ragged. “My daughter and I had to return back to the cursed village, back to no one, back to  _ it  _ \- I cannot bear it any longer, little one.  The curse - I had not wanted to believe in it, I fought against it, but it is for naught.  It is everywhere, and it goes where  _ it _ goes.  And it will be passed down to this sweetling in my arms, and I cannot bear it.  I cannot bear to think of the life I have to pass down to her.”

 

Shunsui couldn’t understand most of what she was saying, a burden of words unleashed in between great, heaving breaths, peppered with references to things he did not know about.  He could do naught but listen as the deluge of words washed out of his sister, the one rock in his forming years when no one had ever been kind to him but her - oh how the tables had turned now.  “I will come to you,” he said, the only thing that he could think of. “I will come visit you and Nanao, I will not abandon you like the rest of this family. I will not let the memory of your presence in our lives fade away.  It is very little I can offer, but I will give it all.”

 

Ohana was weeping silently now, and the child in her arms was stirring, woken by the rocking gasps emitting from her mother as the latter tried desperately to control herself.  Shunsui reached out, and Ohana wordlessly handed over her daughter, her mouth opening in a silent rictus of pain - pain of bereavement, of abandonment, of being utterly alone. Shunsui rocked her daughter back into an uneasy sleep as his entire body fought against the urge to walk straight up to whoever was responsible for this and kick them in the face. He waited until Ohana had collected herself again, enough to thank him for his kind offer, and tell him that it was the loveliest thing anyone had done to her since her husband's death.  He left her after that, not knowing what else he could do to ease either of their pain. 

 

Juushirou was sitting restlessly on a side of Shunsui’s bed, flipping through a book without really reading anything.  He took one look at his face and opened his arms, and Shunsui fell into them, letting go of every pent up emotion he’d tried holding back, Juushirou weathering the worst of the storm in silence.     

 

“I’m so sorry this had to happen today,” he said in the midst of it all, feeling wretched.

 

Juushirou held him tighter, resting his cheek on top of Shunsui’s head.  “I’m not,” Juushirou said mildly. “I’d have hated for you to go through all this alone.”

 

“I have to go talk to Mother.”  It was a sudden decision. His father might have been the thought behind the action, but his mother was the Head of the family.  Her word was law. “I want to know why. I’m sorry about leaving you alone for so long-”

 

Juushirou interrupted him.  “I understand. Don’t worry about me.”  He kissed Shunsui’s head gently. “Go seek the answers you need.” 

 

***

 

He found his mother in the Great Hall, sitting on the grand chair from which she received guests, looking despondently at the ceiling.  She looked down as he walked in, and he could see from the way her face grew grave that she had read the expression on his face.

 

“So, the day has arrived,” she said wearily.  Shunsui didn’t say anything, waiting for her to talk instead, not trusting himself to speak.  She sighed and shifted in her chair, uncomfortable under the accusing glare from her son. “Ise is a widow now, Shunsui.  You know no widows are allowed to remain with their husband’s family. It wasn’t a point I could contest, however much I wanted to provide Ohana with our family’s protection.  The stupid talk of the curse made it even harder, and you know how your father was with your brother. He kept repeating that it would taint the name of the family had we harboured our son’s supposed harbinger of death.  I made sure her house was well equipped and comfortable - it was more than was expected of me. I visit them, sometimes. I worry for her. But I cannot do anything about it. It is the way the law of our world works, my dear.”

 

“But you are the leader of our family, Mother.  Your word  _ is _ the law!”

 

“It is  _ because  _ I am the Head that my hands were tied.  It would have meant losing the trust of all the villagers in our control.  It would have meant a possible collapse of our noble status. We could have lost our estate to other members of the Kyouraku family, members who might not treat the villagers like we do.  I cannot protect them if they are outside of my reach. It is better to go with the villager’s wishes, have their respect, and offer them protection, than lose them all to protect a single person.”

 

“A single person who is our family!”

 

“It is not an easy decision to make, but I will not have you talk to me like that, young man!” his mother suddenly said, her voice rising.  “Try to put yourself in my shoes!”

 

Shunsui didn’t know how to answer back.  He could see her point, but in his heart, he did not know what he himself would have chosen if he had been in his mother’s position.  “She loved me more than my brother ever did,” he said brokenly instead, and his mother’s stern face crumpled. 

 

“You know that’s not true.”

 

“You don’t have to lie to yourself, Mother.  The same goes for Father. And you-”

 

His mother flowed out of her chair in one fluid motion, reaching out and enveloping him in an embrace that smelled of his childhood.  “Hush, child. Do not speak such untruths.”

 

He did not bend to her embrace.  “Father doesn’t want a weakling like me around.”

 

Masae wrapped her arms tighter round him.  “Weakling? It would be foolish of your father to think of you as such, when such power courses through your being.”  She pulled back, gripping him by his shoulders and forcing him to look into her eyes, where he was shocked to see tears.  “The moment when you first walked in through that door after you had been sent to the Academy, I could see a purpose in you for the first time in a very long time.  You shone with intent. Your father...he is different. He loves you too, but he is loath to forget the past to see the present. I see the present you and see a willing improvement, a wish to prove this to yourself as much as to us.  And I am proud of you and of your values, and even though I was ashamed when you started berating me, your  _ mother _ , about Ohana, I couldn’t help but feel pride that you would risk the wrath of your mother for the things you hold dear.  Never change that.”

 

“Are you really proud of me?”  Shunsui whispered, feeling like a small child all over again.

 

His mother smiled through her tears.  “Very much so. I regret not telling you sooner.”

 

This time when she hugged him, he did not resist her.

 

***

 

When Ohana was leaving, both Shunsui and his mother were there to see her off.  As was expected, Hiryur wasn’t there, but Shunsui didn’t care.

 

Ohana was talking to his mother, thanking her for her hospitality.  “If there’s anything I can do-” his mother was saying, but Ohana was shaking her head and smiling.  

 

“Thank you, Mother.  Nanao, aren’t you going to say bye?”

 

Nanao blinked, eyes huge in her small face, and smiled sweetly.  Masae reached out and patted her little cheeks, looking close to breaking down.  It seemed that Shunsui’s confrontation had tore away at her composure, letting her true feelings on the matter arise from their dark dwelling.  “Goodbye, sweetling. Until I see you again.”

 

Ohana turned to Shunsui and hugged him too.  “Till we meet again, little brother.”

 

Shunsui nodded, smile wobbling all over the place as he tried to maintain some kind of a cheery disposition.  Mother and son watched as the young woman made her way down the path, were a cart was waiting for her. They stood there, watching her fade away into the distance, until there was nothing left to look at.  

 

“I’m sorry it has had to come to this,” his mother said, finally.

 

Shunsui was quiet for a moment, and then said firmly, in an effort to convince both of them, “It was the only way.”

 

The sun had started it’s descent by this time, and Shunsui was started to realise that most of the day had gone by. “I must go to Juushirou,” he told his mother, feeling guilty at having left him alone for so long.  

 

Masae looked at him fondly.  “Go to him. He is a wonderful young man, isn’t he not?”

 

Shunsui floundered under her gaze.  “He’s...he’s the...I love him, Mother.”

 

Masae looked wistful for a second.  “I know, sweetheart. Run along, now.”

 

Returning to his room, he found it empty, and he panicked for a second, before his eyes spotted a piece of paper on the unusually empty desk.   _ I’m in the garden _ , it read.   _ Ryoko-chan came in and made the suggestion.  She said she got permission from Masae-san before you went to talk to her. _

 

Shunsui took the moment of quiet to breathe and collect himself, and then he went to join Juushirou.  He found him sitting on the bench this time, wearing more than enough clothes to protect him against the chilly weather.  “Hey, handsome,” he said, announcing his entrance with a small smile.

 

Juushirou looked up, taking one look at the easy expression on Shunsui’s face and visibly relaxing.  “Are you alright?” he said, standing up and walking towards Shunsui, careful to follow the tiny winding path and not trample any flowers underfoot.  

 

Shunsui cupped Juushirou’s face with one hand, feeling the warmth of his skin dispelling the chill clinging to Juushirou’s cheek.  “I could be better,” he replied honestly. “But my mother and I talked. I think I can understand her more now. I...I told her I loved you.”  

 

Juushirou’s face became almost incandescent.  He seemed to be trying to suppress a smile but couldn't seem to be able to.  "I shouldn't be this happy right now," he said, covering his happiness with a hand, "but I can't seem to be able to help it."  He looked at Shunsui in earnest. "I'm so glad you spoke to your mother, and I'm... beyond any word that can describe what I feel about that last part."  

 

Shunsui pulled Juushirou's hand down from his face, revealing the helpless smile that was gracing his face.  "That’s better," he said softly. He leaned down and kissed the corner of Juushirou's mouth, Juushirou moving so he could kiss him properly.  The smile lasted even after the kiss had ended.

 

***

The large house felt emptier that evening as they sat down for dinner, Ohana's place glaringly obvious in its emptiness.  Juushirou's eyes kept flitting to Shunsui, who was staring resolutely at his plate, and only engaged in conversation with his mother, and that was only when prompted.  He treated the presence of his father as one would treat air, his eyes skipping him completely if he chanced to turn his head towards his general direction. Juushirou couldn't say that the behaviour didn't trouble him, but he also couldn't argue that he wouldn't have done the same thing, had he been in Shunsui's place.  He couldn’t comprehend what Shunsui must feel like, what with his own father being the most black-and-white polar opposite of Shunsui's. He worried that his politeness would force him to speak to Shunsui's father if the latter started a conversation, but he was saved from that scenario by the persistent silence from Hiryur, and his early absence from the table.

 

As soon as his father vacated the room, the tension from Shunsui's shoulders visibly lifted.  Masae-san's face garnered a few more worry lines, and she glanced briefly at Juushirou, as if apologising for the conversation that was to follow.

 

"Shunsui, he is your father."

 

"He never acted like my father."

 

"He doesn't know how to be a father.  He was never a father as you always wanted him to be, not even to your brother."

 

"He was decent with my brother.  He has never even tried with me."

 

"I am not excusing his behaviour.  But he is old, and his mind not so easily changed.  All I pray is that you show him the little respect and love that he deserves as your father, even if it is just in title.  If not for him, would you be able to do that for me?" She was pleading, something that shocked Juushirou. For the Head of the House to show herself to be so vulnerable to an outsider was unheard of - and then he realised that Masae didn't consider him as an outsider anymore.  He lowered his eyes so that the other two couldn't see the paradoxical and brief happiness that the realisation had given him.

 

He heard Shunsui sigh and looked up to hear him say, with one of his classical sad smiles, "Only because you asked so nicely."

 

Masae smiled sadly.  "I know I sound like a hypocrite, because I too have sinned you in the past.  But it was only your prolonged absence that made me realise how much my baby son meant to me.  Forgive your mother, please. I will love you for the both of us."

Shunsui was smiling too, the sadness in his eyes seemingly made more profound.  "Thank you, mother. This is the best gift you have ever given me."

 

***

 

Dusk fell quickly, the moon greeting Midwinter's Day with a hearty glow.  Shunsui had dragged Juushirou outside - although dragged wasn't quite the right word, because Juushirou had gone willingly enough, wearing too many clothes and beaming like a child on their name day.  Shunsui had told him they were going for a short walk, but had not spared him any details. Juushirou didn't ask, trusting in Shunsui's decisions, knowing that Shunsui was doing this partly to distract his worried thoughts. 

 

What Shunsui had not told Juushirou became apparent eventually.  They had scaled a small hill-like structure somewhere a little off the village, to the North.  They had taken it slow, with Shunsui pointing out the stars and trying to guess any of the constellations that Juushirou had taught him.  When they arrived at the top, Shunsui stole a furtive look around, pleased that he had remembered the vantage point from when he was younger, a place which he had visited copious amounts of times, especially on this particular day.  He rummaged beneath his clothes till he produced two flattened paper structures, glancing at Juushirou and finding him entranced with the view, the moon's light alighting on top of the snowy roofs of the village’s houses. He peered at the village again, and spotted the start of the feast behind the reason  he'd taken them all the way up there. Gripping Juushirou’s bicep with one hand, he pointed his finger toward the village with the other, and as Juushirou focussed on what Shunsui was gesturing at, his eyes grew impossibly large.

 

All across the village, small dots of light flourished, dispelling the lingering darkness and turning it into leaping shadows.  As they watched, the lights began to float up, the newly-lit paper lanterns flooding the sky as each villager released their own.  Juushirou's eyes sparkled with the reflection of them, hardly noticing Shunsui kneel down to fumble around with something, only turning around when he felt a warmth beside him, finding Shunsui holding two lit lanterns, face aglow with the fire blazing inside of the flimsy paper constructions.

 

Without words, Juushirou accepted one of the lanterns, and they both waited a moment, feeling the faint tug of the lanterns in their hands, as if they were birds yearning for the cool wind beneath their wings, wanting to become one with the stars that beckoned to them with their own shining lights.  When the villagers' lanterns had risen up almost at eye level to them, they released their own, and followed them with their eyes as they joined their siblings, rising like newly birthed stars eagerly reaching out to take their place in the heavens. 

 

The wind was picking up, blowing towards them the faint sounds of music and laughter from the village, drawing their attention not only back down to earth, but to the conspicuously dark Kyouraku household, sticking out against the backdrop of lights and revelry, which prompted Shunsui to talk.

 

"Midwinter's, for our village, is a day to remember those who passed.  We don't have rivers, so we can't set the lanterns to float, so we send them up into the air.  We celebrate the lives of those who join us from the Living world, and those who have left us to restart life there.  We remember them, and wait for them to return. To help them return, we send up the lanterns, that they may see them and return home.  And well, today the night is the longest, so the lanterns can light the way home for the longest possible time."

 

Juushirou listened, enthralled, following the passage of the ever-diminishing cloud of stars as they drifted off with the wind, but when Shunsui stopped, he looked at him again.  "Your family..." he asked, tentatively. "Why do they sit there in darkness?"

 

Shunsui's mouth twisted in bitterness, the expression fast and fleeting.  "They do not believe that souls lost to us could ever find their way back.  So they do not participate."

 

Juushirou's hand slipped into his, gripping it tightly.  His eyes were distant, his expression unreadable. "I would like to believe the truth in your tale," he said, softly.  "I'd want to make my way back to you, and although my heart would show me the way, some lanterns would help make the destination clearer."

 

"Don't-"

 

"I know I will die of this illness, and you know it too," Juushirou stopped him, voice still soft, barely above a whisper.  "It is but a comfort to know I will be guided back when I return. Because I will return. I must."

 

Shunsui could do nothing but watch the darkness reclaim the sky, knowing for the first time since he'd heard the tale that his existence depended on the truth of those words.  "If it brings you more comfort, I will continue to light lanterns every year, forever if I need to."

 

Juushirou looked at him with tears in his eyes, kissing him suddenly on top of the lonely, snowy hill, with the last remnants of lights fading in the distance and a bittersweet feeling in their hearts.

 

***

When they returned to the mansion, it was deathly quiet.  The sounds of people celebrating from the village filtered in through the shadowy hush of the house, making the lack of movement inside the house even more pronounced.  Back in their room, Juushirou shyly revealed that he had been wearing the gifted kimono beneath his heavier outer garments, and any of the lingering sadness from thoughts about the possible realities they had yet to face flew out of Shunsui's head as he took in the fact that maroon suited Juushirou quite perfectly, if he did say so himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another one bites the dust! If my calculations are correct, we are more than halfway there! (but my calculations may be off I rarely stick to the plot) I hope you all enjoyed this week's chapter, and I'll see you all in the next update! Thanks for your support <3


	8. He knows not his own strength that hath not met with adversity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for a tad bit of violence and maybe gore? It's not graphic, don't worry about it.  
> I hope you will all enjoy this chapter!

 

_ A few months later, in the midst of Seireitei _

 

The sun had barely risen over the towering buildings of Seireitei, but Captain of the Second Division Shihouin Daichi was awake and alert, sitting  _ seiza _ in the crest room, waiting for a crucial report.  To anyone who might have stumbled upon the sight, they might have assumed that the captain was alone and unarmed - little would they have known that at any wrong movement, an entire fleet of bodyguards would seize them before they could even blink.

 

The sun had just begun to illuminate the golden wall at Shihouin’s back, the clan insignia becoming visible in the growing light,  when the characteristic  _ whoosh  _ of flash step alerted him of the arrival of Tian-Fēng, his lieutenant and commander of the Patrol Corps.  The man kneeled before him, head bowed in reverence, until Shihouin spoke in his soft, commanding voice, “Report.”

 

“The rumours are true, sir.  There is a great imbalance between the souls here in Soul Society and in the Living World.  We couldn’t locate the source, but from what we can gather, it seems that a lot of people are dying mysteriously from a small village in the Living World.”

 

“Was the locale identified?”

 

“Yes, sir. A small slum district in the land the Living call Nippon.”

 

Shihouin’s nose scrunched in distaste.  “A slum district.” Already, his alertness was fading.

 

“Yes, sir.  We noticed a very large concentration of Hollow surrounding the place, too much for a patrol squad to take on.  We were too far to send back for assistance, so we returned as quickly as possible. We could not get close enough to the village itself to figure out why the souls there were dying, but we assume that as soon as they die, their souls are immediately consumed by the surrounding Hollow, thus not allowing the souls access to Soul Society and creating disparity between soul populations here and in the Living World.  The Hollow seem to be gathering there for easy feeding.” 

 

Shihouin placed his chin on top of his interlaced hands, lost in thought.  If the situation was to escalate uncontrollably, hands would point towards the Second Division, and more devastatingly, towards the Shihouin family.  If word came out that the noble family had let such a situation grow without smothering it as soon as it appeared, the rumours about elitism and abandoning a slum district, even one in the Living World, would ruin their reputation.

 

“Meet me outside the Captain-Commander’s office,” Shihouin finally said, standing up in one fluid motion.  “We’ll bring this to Yamamoto Genryūsai-sama’s attention.”

 

***

 

_ Earlier that year, in the Academy _

 

Fourth year had heralded a new approach to their training.  On their first day back, the students had been informed that up to their sixth and final year at the Academy, alongside their usual classes, they would also be having training sessions with the actual seated captains from Seireitei.  This was implemented by Yamamoto Genryūsai-dono himself, who was not only the Head of the Academy, but also the Captain-Commander of the Gotei-13. He told them gravely that he believed that, as aspiring members of the Gotei, they should know what it feels like to fight with soldiers who had already been placed in the Gotei.  This had caused quite a hubbub, with all the students speculating about which captain they’d be assigned to.

 

They didn’t have long to wait.  A week into the scholastic year, a large noticeboard was erected in the entrance hall, listing all the captains and the students who would be training with them.  It came to the surprise of no one that the students with the highest  _ reiatsus  _ were to be trained under Yamamoto himself - although it did come to the surprise of one of those students.  

 

Juushirou looked at his name listed beneath Yamamoto’s and blinked.  Most of the students in that category were from the noble houses, students whose mother or father or uncle were the current seated captain in the Gotei, no less.  Beside him, Shunsui slapped him on the back, hard enough for him to step forward with the momentum. “We’re with the old man himself!” he said, gleefully, seemingly not noticing the glaring mistake that was Juushirou’s name listed there.

 

“That can’t be right,” Juushirou said evenly and patiently.  “Yamamoto-Genryūsai-dono wouldn’t put a commoner in his care.”

 

Shunsui looked at him and rolled his eyes.  “Juushirou, you could fell one of those idiots with a look,” he said, pointing at a random name from the list and jabbing at it with emphasis.  

 

Juushirou didn’t seem convinced.  “I guess we’ll have to see when we go to the class.”

 

Shunsui sighed, shaking his head exasperatedly.  “Stubborn.”

 

Juushirou smiled ruefully.  “An Ukitake trait, I’m afraid.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” Shunsui muttered, thinking back on that summer and the mirrored stubbornness in not one, but all the Ukitake family members.

 

Juushirou laughed at his expression, guessing correctly his train of thought.  They had to move out of the way because they were soon mobbed with students crowding around them to try and get a glimpse of the captains they'd been assigned to.  They bumped into Hinami, who looked vaguely terrified, and learned that she'd been paired with the notorious Unohana-taichou, Captain of the eleventh division. Although she was just a shadow of her former self since the Quincy extermination so many years ago, she was still a force to be reckoned with and still held the title of first Kenpachi, which was still quite a feat. 

 

"I mean, why did I get paired with her?" wailed Hinami as they walked towards class.  "She's terrifying and one of the first generation captains!"

 

"I'm sure they knew how terrifying you are on the training fields," Juushirou pointed out lightly, earning a laugh from Hinami that sounded faintly hysterical.  

 

"I heard you guys got paired with the Captain Commander himself," she said after some time, sounding awed.  "And I thought I had it hard!"

 

"He's not too bad," Shunsui said offhandedly and with a level of familiarity that had both Juushirou and Hinami looking at him as if he had suddenly sprouted another head.  "When I was a small boy," he elaborated, "I used to see the old man a lot. Having family members in Seireitei and in the Gotei meant that I was here often."

 

"I saw your family name on the board," Hinami said, nodding.  "What relation are they to you?"

 

"The current captain is my mother's aunt, Noriko Kyouraku.  She's ancient. Her and her direct relatives live with the main part of the family inside our family manor compound in Seireitei.  My mother was sent to one of the better-off Rukongai districts to govern over the area, as was tradition in the early days when the Noble Houses were established...and because Noble houses love tradition, it's ongoing!"

 

"But how did you get to know the Captain Commander?"  said Hinami, looking puzzled.

 

"Oh I used to sneak into his office," Shunsui said matter-of-factly, and Juushirou, walking beside him, choked on air.  "He used to yell at me but that didn't stop me," he continued cheerily, clapping Juushirou on the back in an effort to stop the choking and possibly making it worse.

 

"Why am I not surprised," sighed Hinami, and the conversation stopped there as they had reached the classroom.

 

During the lesson, Yamamoto Genryūsai-dono himself gave them a rundown of how the new training would be taking place.  They were to be trained in the four major areas that soldiers joining the Gotei were expected to excel at:  _ hakuda  _ \- martial arts,  _ hohou  _ \- movement arts,  _ kidou  _ \- magic arts, and  _ zanjutsu  _ \- sword arts.  They would be utilising the Seireitei’s training fields and dojos, and at the news, a lot of excited whispering started up, instantly quenched by one stern look from Yamamoto.  He reminded them to show the utmost respect towards the Captains, and to treat their training not as a field trip, but as a chance to prove their worth. When he left the room, vacating it of the enormous presence of his  _ reiatsu _ , no amount of sighs from the teacher could get the required attention from the students, so he sent them away earlier.

 

When their first lesson came, Juushirou woke up with a mixture of excitement and dread.  This was to be the moment when he had to prove himself. His anxiety over being wrongly placed under Yamamoto's care hadn't been quenched, despite Shunsui's repeated assurances.  It wasn't that he didn't trust Shunsui's judgement, but it was such a deep-rooted fear that not even the one who he would trust with his own life could change his view on it. It wasn't the only thing on his mind.  The older, more real fear was the resurgence of his illness. Being seen as weak was most likely a deal breaker when it came to choosing people to join part in an elite army.

 

They had had to wake up earlier that day.  The sessions started early, and the way to the barracks was a long one.  Juushirou had never actually been near any of the barracks, despite basically living in Seireitei for four years.  Shunsui seemed familiar around the buildings, but Juushirou felt a sense of awe at the sight of the imposing white buildings surrounding them.  It was a whole other feeling being actually inside the training field and seeing the actual squad members. 

 

Their first lesson was  _ kidou _ , which hadn't gone down well with most students, as most found it to be quite useless.  Juushirou hadn't minded, mostly because  _ kidou  _ wasn't as taxing on his health as the other, more physical disciplines.  When the names of the students were called, and Juushirou inevitably heard his own name, he was overcome with a strange sense of relief.  Somehow, even through his countless shows of illness, he had still been chosen to be tutored by the Captain Commander. He could feel Shunsui's meaningful look burning a hole in the side of his face, and all he had to offer was a disbelieving smile.

 

That first lesson made clear the huge jump between the students' capabilities and those of the seated, and even the  _ un _ seated, officers of the squad.  It made several students feel disheartened, and there was a gloomy air in many of the students' faces as they returned to the Academy from the various directions of their assigned squads.  Juushirou, conversely, felt invigorated. There was a goal, and he would reach it.

 

Back in their dorms, Shunsui took one look at the quiet determination in Juushirou's face and grinned.  "I would have sworn that whoever was in charge of pairing students with mentors would have been out of their minds had they not sorted you with the old man."

 

Juushirou smiled tiredly and sank down on a chair, the exhaustion of the day catching up to him.  "Why do you believe in me so much?" he asked in curiosity, still not quite understanding how anyone could look at his frail frame and believe in him as much as Shunsui seemed to do.  

 

"Because I can feel the strength in you.  Because in everything you do, you always give your all.  Because you are determined." Shunsui listed them off on his fingers, and would have continued had Juushirou not closed his own hand over Shunsui's to prevent him from doing so, feeling suddenly shy.  Shunsui squeezed Juushirou's hand and spoke again, with an edge of desperation to his words. "Why do you not believe me?"

 

Juushirou shook his head, catching his tone of voice and trying to explain himself as best as he could.  "It's not that I don't believe you. It's just that I have been putting myself down since before I can properly remember and the vision of myself stuck.  I will try to see myself as you see me, I promise." Shunsui's eyes cleared, and it was then that Juushirou realised that Shunsui felt hurt at Juushirou's continued disbelief in himself.  " _ Kami _ , I didn't mean to make you feel bad," he said, squeezing Shunsui's hand.  "I would trust your word over anyone's."

 

“It’s not that you made me feel bad - it’s the realisation of how the people around me must feel when I do the same thing,” Shunsui admitted with a small laugh.  “I feel like I need to shake the sense into you - how can you not see something as obvious as your overwhelming strength?”

 

“Huh, you’re right,” Juushirou said with a lopsided smile.  “We’re both extremely mule-headed when it comes to our insecurities.”

 

“Will you work on yours if I work on mine?”

 

“You’ve already got quite a head-start,” Juushirou pointed out, but not in a put-out manner.  He was proud of how far Shunsui had come, and he made it clear in his tone.

 

“Well, I broadcasted mine very effectively over the course of three years - you hide yours until they burst out unexpectedly.”

 

“You’re right, of course.”  Juushirou breathed deeply and frowned in concentration, as if steeling himself for some kind of endurance testing.  “Time to follow your example, for real.”

 

Shunsui smiled widely, leaned forward, and kissed him on the cheek.  “That’s the spirit, love.”

 

And so Juushirou did, and it wasn’t just Shunsui who noticed how he suddenly seemed to grow into his strength.  He never pushed himself over his limits, but he would always test those limits, letting his varied strengths make up for the holes his health created.  He had always shown exceedingly high affinity for  _ kidou _ , with his ever-increasing  _ reiatsu  _ control making him easily dominate the class.  That same control over his  _ reiatsu  _ meant that he was also very good at  _ hohou _ , with him being able to use  _ shunpo _ fluidly before most of his peers - even Shunsui, whose  _ reiatsu  _ was often compared to Juushirou’s, had found it hard to adapt to  _ shunpo _ as well as Juushirou.  However, he wasn’t improving in just the classes that involved the reiatsu primarily. He was blossoming in  _ zanjutsu _ , a class in which he would have usually held back.  It became quickly apparent that his mastery of the sword was at a very high level, easily earning him top places in that class.    Shunsui had been delighted by that especially, most of all the first time he was knocked back by one of Juushirou’s attacks. No one had ever appeared to be as pleased at being knocked down on their arse as Shunsui on that day.  Juushirou had been stunned, but not for long - Shunsui had quickly repaid the favour. After all, Shunsui much preferred  _ zanjutsu _ over  _ kidou _ , and it definitely showed.

 

The only area which still troubled Juushirou was the physical aspect of their training -  _ hakuda. _  It wasn’t an area Shunsui was particularly adept in either, but while his reason was simply because he was not good at it, Juushirou’s was that he simply couldn’t do it.  The intense physical activity that came with it more often than not triggered a coughing attack, forcing him to sit out the rest of the lesson. It didn’t matter that much that he wasn’t quite as good in this area due to his proficiency in the other areas, but Shunsui could tell that it frustrated him that he couldn’t join in with the rest of the students.  “It makes me feel lazy,” he said one day, walking back to the dorms. “I know I can’t do it, and I accept that, but it’s frustrating to want to do something and have your own body be physically unable to do it.”

 

It wasn’t something anyone could do to help him, but Yamamoto, who oversaw the training, who had noticed him struggling, came up to him one day and took him off to a side.  When they returned, Juushirou’s face was shining. Shunsui was dying with curiosity to know what the old man had said that had made Juushirou smile like that, but he’d had to wait until the end of the lesson.  When that arrived, he dodged the rest of the students and headed for where Juushirou was sitting, still beaming.

 

“Well?”

 

“Yamamoto-dono told me that I could practice in the other areas while this lesson goes on because he knows that I can’t really do much in this one.  That means I can do something with these hours! To be honest, I thought he was gonna yell at me and I don’t think I have ever felt more terrified,” he said, laughing at the memory, and laughing harder at Shunsui’s reaction, which was an inordinately loud whoop of celebration and a hug that lifted Juushirou clean off his feet.  He didn’t tell Juushirou that he’d been beside himself with worry that the Captain Commander might have said the words that Juushirou had been fearing, and he also didn’t tell him what he would have done if that had indeed been the case. He was elated for Juushirou - this was precisely what he needed. The added boost from the Captain Commander promoting the other areas for Juushirou meant that Juushirou would stop feeling bad for what he felt was a waste of everyone’s time while also confirming that the old man had noticed Juushirou’s proficiency in the other areas.  

 

Eventually, Yamamoto himself started teaching the class.  By that time, most of the students in their group had grown accustomed to his resting reiatsu, but only Shunsui and Juushirou could withstand his reiatsu when it was higher than that.  It was a surprise to no one by that point. They could all feel the difference in power between themselves and those two, and it was clear that Yamamoto knew too. This only became clear one day some months later, in the early days of March.  Of what was happening inside of the Seireitei, only the noble students knew, and even then only an inkling. Every student could feel the unrest in the faces of their trainers, in the tightness of the captains’ mouths, in the weariness that suggested restless nights and early mornings.  

 

It was on a very early morning when Shunsui and Juushirou were woken up by a loud knock on their door.  Shunsui answered it, sliding the door open to find a young messenger, who bowed politely but quickly, the urgency clear in every movement she made.  “Kyouraku-san. Ukitake-san. Your presence is requested. Please head to the Main Hall as quickly as possible. Captain Commander Yamamoto Genryūsai-dono will tell you the details.”  She bowed again and disappeared in a flash of  _ shunpo _ , leaving Shunsui bewildered, the slight edge of anxiety setting in immediately.  Behind him, Juushirou was sitting up, his eyes heavy-lidded from sleep but body alert, making a visible effort to push the tiredness out of his system.

 

“What did she say?”

 

“We have to be in the Main Hall as quickly as possible, but I don’t know why.  They didn’t stop at any other doors - not that I can see, anyway.” 

 

“Huh.  That’s weird.”  Juushirou stifled a yawn and stood up.  “Guess we should hurry, then.”

 

They got dressed fast, movements still a little sluggish from having just woken up.  They spoke about what could be the reason for such urgent summonings, and none of their ideas seemed to be good enough.  When they reached the Great Hall, they found some other students milling around, wearing the same mixture of sleepiness and confusion on their faces as they whispered to one another.  At the far end stood Yamamoto himself, looking like a stormcloud about to unleash a fury of rain. The atmosphere was tense, and Shunsui and Juushirou exchanged a look of worry before Yamamoto seemed to stir out of his meditative silence and acknowledged the collected students’ presence.

 

“Students,” he began, voice low and dark, “I have gathered you here to ask for your help.”  A ripple of shock ran through the gathered students. What grave happenings had occurred for the Captain Commander to ask for their help?  He continued, silence falling instantly. “Before I brief you on the situation, I shall give you a small background. A few days ago, one of my captains received a worrying report of a town in the Living World where the civilians all seemed to be dying, with their deaths attracting a lot of Hollows.  These Hollows appeared to be eating the souls of those that were at the very border of life and death, thus causing a perturbation in number of souls on the Living World and here in Soul Society. Some of the souls themselves were also turning into Hollows, possibly out of the distress caused by their deaths, which are as of yet still shrouded in mystery.  This dissonance had to be smoothed out as fast as possible - the Balance of Souls needs to be in constant equilibrium. 

 

“This is where you come in.  As you might have noticed, you are the students that have scored the highest in these past weeks of training directly under a seated officer.”  A quiet ripple ran through the students as they turned to each other to analyse who else had achieved this level. “The captain in charge of the completion of this mission sent in his forces to take down the Hollow - but it seems that he had not had a correct approximation of the Hollow population.  He and his squad are currently being overwhelmed, even as other divisions hasten to their sides. It has come to the point where I have to lower my head and ask for your help. I know you are just students, and I in no way mean to put you in harm’s path. You would be assisting the relief teams and generally will not be called for battle unless absolutely necessary, but I know that some of you might not be ready.  Any one who wishes to leave can do so immediately with no consequences. Please think well before you accept. You have five minutes to think about it - I wish I could give you more time, but we are in a great hurry.”

 

Shunsui and Juushirou looked at each other, expressions of twin shock on their faces.  Of all the scenarios they had conjured up, being summoned to help in an actual mission in the Living World had not crossed their minds.  “We should go,” Juushirou said, his usual assertive nature taking over, suddenly driven by purpose rather than confusion.

 

“Well, it will certainly be an experience,” Shunsui replied thoughtfully.  "And it's not like we'll be involved in any serious fighting."

 

"We'll get to see how the actual squads work and fight as well."

 

Shunsui agreed, and when the five minutes were up, they stayed put as some students filtered out of the room.  Most of the students left were children of noble houses, trying to curry favour for their families, no doubt, and Shunsui even spotted a representative of the Kuchiki clan, the son of the seated captain of the sixth division, Ginrei Kuchiki.  Shunsui never thought that the slight, frail-looking Kuchiki heir was worth much - he only got to where he was because of the high reiatsu that came hand-in-hand with being one of the four noble houses. Comparing him to Juushirou, it was clear to him which one of them had the better mastery of their strength, and it wasn't the beautiful, black-haired Sojun Kuchiki.  Shunsui couldn't deny that he was strong, but he didn't seem like a person you'd spot on a battlefield.

 

Yamamoto cast a calculating eye at the remaining students, nodding slowly.  "Have you thought about this carefully?" he asked for a final time, and all the students chorused, "Yes, Yamamoto-Genryūsai-dono."

 

"Then we shall be off.  Follow me."

 

The students streamed out of the Hall, following Yamamoto out in the main courtyard and heading towards the barracks of the seated officers.  The sun had not yet risen, and the early morning chill still clung to them, eliciting a shiver from Juushirou. Shunsui offered his hand out, and Juushirou took it gratefully.  "You're freezing," Shunsui said quietly.

 

"I'm a little nervous," Juushirou admitted, his hand gripping Shunsui's hand tighter unconsciously.  

 

"Yeah," Shunsui agreed.  "Me too."

 

They walked in silence for the rest of the way, until they finally reached a place where they had never been before, but had often heard of during their lessons - the  _ Senkaimon  _ gate, the gate that was the only safe opening between their world and the world of the Living.  The sun had just begun to rise, casting what little light it could on the impressive arches that surrounded the towering gate, framed by its imposing towers.  Here, Yamamoto stopped, and two other captains appeared beside him, apparently having been waiting for them to arrive.

 

Yamamoto greeted them with a nod, and turned to the students, who had moved closer together without any clear consensus, fear and anticipation of the unknown eliminating any boundaries there may have been between them.  Yamamoto spoke, breaking the silence that had accompanied them on their journey here. "This is Kuchiki Ginrei, captain of the sixth division," he began, nodding his head in the direction of a stern-faced, severe man with hair that had long since turned white.  Turning to his other side, he continued, "This is Unohana Retsu, captain of the eleventh division." The woman, with her hooded eyes and long, black hair that draped around her like swaths of silk, gave all of them a smile that was as chilling as her appearance, and they all collectively understood why everyone seemed to be terrified of her.  Yamamoto cleared his throat, and all the students’ attention diverted back to him. “Anyone who was already training with my division or with these two divisions, please divide yourself accordingly. The rest of you, wait until you are sorted into your teams.”

 

There was a brief period of confusion were everyone was finding their place.  Shunsui was glad of the presence of Juushirou’s hand in his, the only solid thing in this whole surreal experience.  Juushirou seemed to have taken the situation in stride outwardly, which was more than Shunsui could say about himself.  With his free hand, he felt for his swords. The second, smaller hilt still felt odd in its novelty. He had only just started experimenting with two swords, and it was after quite some trials when he came to the realisation that mismatched swords seemed to be the best fit.  Juushirou had taken to practicing with two swords as well when they trained together, at first to be able to better counter Shunsui’s own swords, and eventually because it became a habit. However, he still only carried a single  _ katana _ \- Shunsui had become almost dependant on having two, even though it was quite a new thing.  The weight of the hilts in his hand soothed him somehow, although nothing could stop the flare of anxiety when the gate was opened.  Juushirou looked at him, his eyes mirroring that same emotion, but also the grim determination to which Juushirou doggedly clung onto even in his toughest days.  Shunsui drew on that tenacity, and together with their fellow students, they stepped through the gate.

 

Immediately, chaos surrounded them.  They were far off from were the actual battle was happening, but all around them, the air was saturated with flashes of magic and the sound of clashing steel and a cacophony of yelling and shouting, human and Hollow indistinguishable in the furor.  The students were herded off by unseated officers to the farthest areas, far from the outskirts of the massacre, while the three captains drew around them the majority of their forces and rallied towards their struggling men. Shunsui and Juushirou found themselves in a small team alongside several of the students who also attended Yamamoto’s class with them, strong and clever students whose faces were pinched with fear, and whose hands hung uselessly to the hilt of their unsheathed swords.  The officers that were with them were familiar faces to the students, having trained with them for the majority of their lessons inside the Barracks. It seemed that none of the students had ever seen a real battle before, and even the officers looked a little green in the face. Shunsui felt a twinge of fear and doubt in his heart. Could they have made the wrong decision? Were they to die there? 

 

It was hard to notice when one of officers, a slender man called Koji, begun talking to them in a rapid voice, straining to be heard over the jarring noise.  “Stay alert and focussed. We may be far away from the main action, but anything can happen when you’re on the site of a battlefield. We’re here to provide backup support, so we do not need to engage with the enemy right now.  However, the enemy can still spot us, and they can come to us. Be alert, and be ready to draw your weapons, and if any of you are good at  _ kidou _ , I suggest you go over some of the spells - if our opponents our humans, we might come in need of them.”

 

Juushirou immediately closed his eyes, trying to concentrate and recall as much  _ kidou _ as he could.  Shunsui unconsciously moved to cover his back, noticing at the same time that he couldn’t spot any of the other students they had come through with outside of their small group.  He did notice, however, a strange pattern in which the fighting was being carried out. The Gotei were easily distinguished by their black uniforms, and the Hollows were very easily identified in the chaos, which made it easier to spot the third group fighting in between the other aforementioned forces.  These unidentified men seemed to be fighting both the Gotei and the Hollow, and Shunsui frowned, trying to make sense of the situation. They clearly weren’t villagers - they appeared to have quite some skill in fighting, holding their own against both of their formidable foes, and they weren’t dropping unconscious in the presence of so much  _ reiatsu _ .  Granted, seeing as they were in the Living World, captains and their vice-captains had a spiritual limiter that considerably tamed their  _ reiatsu _ , but that wouldn’t have been enough to not knock out your average human.  That meant that those people were probably  _ not  _ humans.  They hadn’t been mentioned in the reports, and Yamamoto hadn’t made any reference to there being anyone else apart from a large concentration of Hollow.  Shunsui turned around to speak to one of the officers, and found Koji looking at the fight with the same kind of realisation dawning on his face.

 

“This was a set-up,” Shunsui said, much more calmly then he was feeling.  

 

“By the  _ kami _ , that’s what I was thinking,” Koji cursed, panic clear in his face.  The other officer, a tall woman by the name of Saeko, put her hand on his shoulder, clearly reminding him to stay calm in the presence of so many students that relied on them.  

 

She looked into each of their faces, her face not betraying what she was most likely feeling, and stated very calmly and firmly, “I was given permission to override any order given to us in emergencies.  We are going to return to Soul Society, but we cannot open a Senkaimon Gate here. There is too much that could go wrong. Let us move farther away, and then I shall open a Gate, and you will pass through.  We will remain here. Do you understand?”

 

Everyone nodded, some of the students too terrified to even move.  Saeko and Koji took hold of those petrified students and led the way, with Shunsui and Juushirou taking up the rear, being the calmest out of all of them.  Shunsui felt his anxiety threaten to overwhelm him but kept a cool facade, glancing behind him constantly and just waiting for someone to notice them and come running after them.  Juushirou, on the other hand, had scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration, muttering pieces of  _ kidou  _ incantations as if it were some kind of mantra and gripping Shunsui’s hand like a vice, the only obvious sign of any distress.  When the officers deemed the distance safe enough, Saeko took out her katana and stabbed it through the air, turning it around.

 

It was then that several things happened at once.

 

The gate flared into existence, the glare of light temporarily blinding them.

 

Several people, who had snuck up on them and gone completely out of everyone’s notice, jumped out of seemingly nowhere - in that elongated second were all hung in suspense, Shunsui thought that he had heard the unmistakable sound of  _ shunpo _ \- and ambushed them, killing Koji and another student immediately. Their  _ reiatsu _ signatures blew out immediately, but along with that horrible sense of loss came a new realisation - Shunsui noticed, horrified, that these newcomers had their own reiatsu and had indeed somehow used  _ shunpo _ .

 

The gate opened fully, and Saeko screamed “GO!”, the sheer desperation in her voice shocking the students into movement as they suddenly surged into the gate.

 

The assailants, realising that they were escaping, went for Saeko, but Juushirou was there first.  He took one  _ shunpo _ step, appearing before Saeko with his palm facing outwards, towards the assailants.  In a loud, strong, and clear voice, he yelled, “Ye lord! Mask of flesh and bone, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws!   _ Hadō _ 33:  _ Sōkatsui _ !”

 

Shunsui dove out of the way just in time as a column of blue flames erupted from Juushirou’s palms, knocking out the nearest men and sending them flying.  Shunsui was still on the ground when he heard Juushirou yell, and he felt fear claw at his heart as he staggered upright, seeing Juushirou struggling in the hold of one of the men who hadn’t been affected by the blast.  He saw a flash of steel, and he leapt at him without thinking, barely checking his surroundings for anyone who might be targeting him. The man saw him coming and threw Juushirou to the ground, trying to block Shunsui’s attack with his knife but missing.  Shunsui bodily wrestled the knife out of his hand, hearing Juushirou fire off repeated rounds of  _ Sōkatsui _ with his tireless  _ reiatsu _ , but even Juushirou, the best in their class at  _ kidou _ , was finding it difficult to keep up.  Shunsui flipped the knife and grabbed it mid-air in a motion that would have gotten him some praise from his teachers, hilt facing downwards, slamming it into the struggling man’s temple, hard enough to knock him out.  He loosened his swords from their hilt, but before he could unsheath them, a certain stillness fell over their scuffle. At first he couldn’t understand why - all he noticed at that point was that the gate had been closed for a while, and Saeko was lying on the ground next to where it had been, dead.  Then, as the people around him slowly surrounded him, he understood why, and his throat closed up as he took in the scene before him.

 

Juushirou was standing perfectly still, a knife pressed tightly to his neck.  He looked furious, a single tear running down his muddied cheek out of what Shunsui rightly guessed was frustration at himself for getting caught.  Shunsui immediately lifted his hands from his sword hilts, feeling them being taken from him as he locked eyes with Juushirou, seeing in Juushirou’s the wild fear and anger and pain as the knife dug into his skin, a slow trickle of blood oozing out redly from the contact.  Shunsui felt a surge of anger and desperation, and suddenly, like something awakening in him, he heard a voice - a woman’s voice, soft and gentle like a flower unfurling its petals.  _ Hear me, brother. _

 

Shunsui, momentarily bewildered, looked around, only to hear her again, louder.   _ I am you, and you are me.  Hear me well. _

 

_ Who are you? _

 

_ I am your soul. _

 

And Shunsui understood.  He had heard of the awakening of one’s soul inside their sword, but had only imagined what it might feel like up until that point.  It felt like he had been missing an intrinsic part of his being that he had never realised wasn’t there, like a blind man who had never known life outside of darkness who has been gifted with sight for the first time.   _ What do I do now? _

 

_ Hear me well, and be ready when we speak our name. _

 

_ We?  There’s more than you? _

 

A different voice, harsh and gravelly, but definitely feminine, echoed from somewhere further off.   _ We are one and the same.  We are- _

 

“You are a  _ noble _ , you piece of shit!”  Shunsui’s concentration was immediately shattered as a voice from the outside world spoke suddenly, and he realised that the whole conversation that had happened inside of his heart had not taken up as much time in the real world.  All the thugs were staring at him with distaste, some of them glancing back at Juushirou with intents in their eyes that made Shunsui want to kill them all on the spot had that action not meant instant death for Juushirou.

 

“I am,” he answered instead, his voice barely able to remain steady through the turmoil of emotions his mind was tumbling through.  “Leave him alone - if it is nobles you want, I will come willingly.”

 

“You want to save your  _ lover  _ for yourself!” someone leered from the back, and everyone laughed uproariously.  Juushirou closed his eyes, evidently willing himself to remain calm, but he couldn’t stop the tear that followed the first one at such a mockery of the emotion that existed between them.  As for Shunsui, his outer exterior radiated calm, but anyone who was able to read him well enough would have known that that was the surest sign of his deadliest anger. “Let him go,” he said, lightly, and Juushirou opened his eyes again, too many emotions making them impossible to read.

 

“Very well,” said Juushirou’s captor, and in one quick motion he removed the knife from Juushirou’s throat and reached down and neatly slashed the back of his knees, ripping through the hamstrings brutally and effectively.  Juushirou’s mouth fell open but no sound came out, collapsing to the ground like a felled tree, his face a mask of pain, the white of his uniform turning steadily crimson. Shunsui lunged forward, unable to make it to Juushirou because someone plucked him out of the way as if he were a child, someone else kicking him in the stomach and winding him so thoroughly his vision went blurry for a second. Juushirou was crying out his name, the edges of his voice ragged with the pain from his injury, the only thing that brought him back to the painful reality as he struggled against the blackness creeping in at the boundaries of his sight.  They were dragging him away, away from Juushirou, who was trying to drag himself across the ground, his mouth set in a permanent grimace of pain, and his tearful eyes were the last thing Shunsui saw before one of the men slammed something hard against the back of his head and he fell unconscious, losing the battle against the unstoppable blackness. 

 

***

 

He woke up to a dull pain thrumming at the base of his skull, and when he tried to move, he realised that his hands were tied to the arm-rests of a chair they had propped him on.  He tried not to give away the fact that he’d come to, and used this to his advantage, making sure that his  _ reiatsu _ remained controlled.  He opened his eyes carefully, taking in his surroundings and trying to locate his swords.  He could feel their presence from a feeling of proximity he couldn’t quite describe. It had started when the women had spoken from inside his heart, a feeling as if some part of him had become inextricably tangled with these unidentified beings, and the farther they were pulled apart, the more his heart ached, as if they were connected by a string, and the farther they went, the more it hurt.  He tried to reach out, but he did not know what to call them. Beginning to feel desperate, he cast his gaze around more fervently, until finally, he spotted the smaller hilt, which had somehow slipped out from beneath the cloth covering them, much like a mischievous child misbehaving on purpose. Instantly, his jittering anxiety fell relatively quiet. 

 

With his swords located, he now turned his attention to the people in the room.  He couldn’t recognise many of them, but he knew that he would know the face of the one who had injured Juushirou for a long time after that encounter, the wicked features burned into his face in the blinding rage of the moment.  He soon spotted that man, who stood a way off, talking mutedly to another person. Shunsui swallowed the heat of hi anger the sight of his stirred within him, willing his breathing to remain as steady as possible. Slowly, as Shunsui narrowed his focus onto his hearing, letting his other senses grow distorted, he became aware of the continued sounds of battle from outside, filtering through the low hubbub of the people inside that room and the thickness of the walls, which Shunsui guessed were the actual city walls.  Too many  _ reiatus  _ lingered in the air for him to try and find Juushirou’s, even if that action wouldn’t immediately make the people around him instantly aware of his newly regained consciousness.  He had to get out on his own - he couldn’t rely on anyone from outside, especially when he considered bleakly that the only person who was even aware of his being taken was Juushirou.  He stopped his train of thought then, not wanting to dwell on what could have happened to him so as not to succumb to the well of despair just waiting to engluf him. He took a shallow breath to steady himself, and braced himself against the chair in readiness. It was time to get some answers.

 

***

 

Some way off, Juushirou was struggling to not drift out of consciousness from the combined weight of fear, helplessness, and blinding pain that ripped through him everytime he tried to move.  He had watched Shunsui get dragged away with an almost overwhelming, nauseating pain in his heart, desperation lending him strength he did not know he had to drag himself across the floor, but it hadn’t been enough.  He hadn’t been able to use  _ kidou  _ for the fear of hitting the unresponsive Shunsui, and the sheer helplessness of the situation made him scream.  He was too far out for people to notice anything - the scuffle was just a minor thing happening on the outskirts of a much greater battle, his scream just another one in the chorus of agony surrounding them.  He was alone.

 

It had been sometime since Shunsui was taken, and Juushirou was going light-headed from the loss of blood.  He struggled upright, grunting at the pain the movement brought with it. He took in some deep breaths, deep enough to calm his thoughts, but not enough to trigger what could potentially be a deathly coughing fit in this situation.  He looked around with bottomless sorrow at the dead around him, and the thought of Shunsui joining them gave him the strength he needed to make up his mind. He had never heard of anyone using healing  _ kidou  _ on themselves - it was too taxing to keep up such a spell while not being fully healthy - but he had no choice.  He took another breath and cleared his mind, focussing on the healing spell, making sure he remembered it well enough to not botch it up.  With one last look around him to check his surroundings, he angled his palms towards the bloodied mess at his legs, and looked on as the soothing green of his  _ kidou  _ fell upon them, praying that he would not fall unconscious before he was finished.

 

***

Shunsui was trying to break his bonds, but after trying futilely for a while, he realised that he wouldn’t be able to manage it without involuntarily raising his reiatsu, so he decided to not give away his trump card and pretend to have just woken up instead.  He groaned and stirred, the stiffness he displayed not quite an act as his sore body protested against its bonds. Instantly, he could feel all eyes on him, but only one of the men moved. Shunsui looked up at him through hooded eyes and tried to curb the flicker of anger at the sight of him.  The man who had captured Juushirou, and consequently injured him, was flipping in his hand what could have been the same knife he had used back there. Shunsui watched as he twirled it in mid-air for a final time before delicately wrapping his fingers around the blade, jamming the handle less gently beneath Shunsui’s chin and using it to lever his face up towards him.  Shunsui didn’t have to act dazed - he still felt shaken, both physically and emotionally. The adrenaline had drained out of his system, and his increasing worry over Juushirou, not to mention the too-tight bonds he was tied up in, had started to make his limbs shake visibly.

 

“So, you’ve come to,” the man said, his voice smooth and low.  “Do you wish to know how your friends fare out there? ” Shunsui didn’t answer, the slight tremor in his jaw the only giveaway of his anger.  His facial expression, to anyone who didn’t know him well enough, appeared eerily calm, and even when he spoke, his voice was mildly sarcastic, as if he’d just stumbled upon a minor inconvenience, smoothly glazing over the bubbling rage deep rage.

 

“Better than your own people, I’d wager.”  He smiled humourlessly, defiantly staring straight into his eyes.

 

The older man’s grin widened unpleasantly, becoming almost a grimace.  “I doubt it. No one from your side knew exactly what was waiting for them.  Your troops were unprepared, and they will suffer for it.” He paused and silence fell.  He took Shunsui’s lack of response as an affirmative, smirking, carelessly reaching out and dragging a chair over to Shunsui, the wood screeching obnoxiously against the floor.  It was strangely quiet inside the holding area when compared to the outside world - it felt like they’d been sealed away in a pocket where time stood still, even as outside, it seemed to rush by faster than usual.  It made him feel as if he was floating away from the situation, completely helpless in this timeless room to save Juushirou as time rushed by out there. He was desperately worried about him, but he knew that if he didn’t play his cards right here, he would be in no position to try and save him - he had to survive this encounter against all the odds.  He was forcibly removed from these thoughts by the sound of the other man speak. “Do you know why we didn’t kill you yet?” he asked conversationally, picking up his knife again and tracing the wood grains on his chair with its tip. He was toying with him, like a cat might play around with her prey until she got bored of the it. Shunsui decided to play dumb, and play along, knowing that like any bored cat, this man could prove to be quite unpredictable when he was finished with him.

 

“Maybe because you think I’m too handsome to die?” he answered instead, forcing a smile on his face.

 

The man huffed, apparently amused.  “You’ve quite the humour. Shame you’ll die sooner because of it.  No, it’s because of your noble status. We’d recognise your kind anywhere.”

 

“How did you know I came from a noble family?  It’s not like I carry any form of identification.”  Shunsui was not acting when he sounded puzzled - he couldn’t figure out how in the  _ kami _ ’s name they’d found out about his noble bearing - it wasn’t like he was even in the main complex.  His family were just on the outskirts of the great Kyouraku house. Even as he asked the question, a sense of deep dread settled deep in the pit of his stomach at the implications this could have on the security of Soul Society.

 

When the man remained silent, Shunsui expected that he wouldn’t answer him; to his surprise, the man looked up from his knife after a while, and began to speak, and Shunsui realised that the man was gloating.  He felt sick, and felt sicker as the more words poured out. “We are members of the splendid Soul Society you are part of, young lordling. We live in the humble, dirty districts of Rukongai, and we have seen the many faces of the poor noble sods who get sent out of their rich manors inside the walls to rule over the worshipping sheep of some well-off district.  We know who you are, little Kyouraku heir. We know you, and from all the faces we know from outside of the walls, we know those who are on the inside. We have eyes and ears where we cannot physically enter. We know you.”

 

“Why are you doing this?” 

 

“For answers.  The world of Souls is a hierarchical system based on something that us souls cannot control -  _ reiatsu _ .  If you have a lot of it, you’re recruited and get taken into the Seireitei, the holy grounds of sanctimonious justice.  If you don’t have any, you get ceremoniously dumped into a sometimes literal steaming pile of trash on the outskirts of nowhere, to live out the rest of your measly after-life existence barefooted - literally, might I add.  Why didn’t we,” he stopped, gesturing at the other collected man, who were all nodding, grim-faced, “join the military ranks? You must have noticed we bear, if not a particularly significant amount, quite enough  _ reiatsu  _ to be approached by Shinigami and asked to join their ranks.  Of course, we were approached, and just as obviously, we declined, moving away to districts farther in with the full knowledge that they wouldn’t chase us into the nasty slum areas -  _ kami  _ forbid their uniforms become dirtied with poor peasant dust.  Instead, we traipsed through the lands of the poor, hearing their laments and gathering their anger.  Oh, brother, there was a lot of anger.”

 

Shunsui lowered his eyes.  He couldn’t argue with that knowledge.  The more he heard, the more his instinct to fight seemed to drain out of him, as shame took its place.  “There are warriors out there who belong to those poor families - we are not all nobles in Seireitei. They too will die in your cause for justice.”

 

The man sounded less menacing when he answered after a while.  “A few sacrifices must be made if we are to see a greater change.”

 

“And what will you achieve, if you kill all the nobles?  It is the nobles who are currently in charge. If you are to bring about change, you need to convince them.  Fighting against them will only strengthen their views against you and the people you represent.”

 

The man chuckled humorlessly.  “That’s where you and the others we took in come in.  Your families will have no choice but to hear us out.”

 

Shunsui grinned, the smile not reaching his eyes.  “You’ll find that in my case, my family might rather leave me die than change their ways, and I’d wager most of the others too.”

 

The man looked confused for the first time, an expression he quickly hid behind the exterior cool mask he’d been wearing since the conversation had started.  “Don’t be stupid. They’d never allow an heir to be killed.”

 

Shunsui shrugged carelessly, leaning back in his chair in an overly relaxed fashion, even as he contemplated just how true his words most probably rang.  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He knew he sounded more confident than he felt about that point, especially when he remembered his mother’s recent behaviour, but even if that could possibly change the outcome, he wasn’t so sure about the other noble families, whose familial blood ties meant almost nothing next to the power of their noble names.

 

“Whatever the outcome, I’m sure we’ve done enough to cause some talk, at the very least,” the other said in a contemplative manner, right before something from outside drew his attention away from Shunsui.  The latter, who had been so intent on keeping the conversation flowing to buy more time, switched his focus to the outside world for the first time, and felt a sudden wave of  _ reiatsu _ that was so overwhelmingly familiar, and yet, at the same time, strangely different, a surging soar of power that smelled distinctly of the ocean.  Suddenly, keeping his cool didn’t matter anymore. He sucked in a huge, fortifying breath, and let his  _ reiatsu _ surge out in a huge blast.

 

The bonds, which had been made of cloth and secured without the knowledge of how powerful the full extent of Shunsui’s  _ reiatsu _ , even without having achieved  _ shikai _ , was, disintegrated almost immediately, and the sheer force of his concentrated  _ reiatsu  _ knocked the men closest to him backwards and disoriented the rest, giving Shunsui the time he needed to dash forward and around the staggered men and take both his swords in his hand, feeling the weird new sensation of what he assumed was his Zanpakuto spirit soaring in elation at the reunion.  He ignored those who were already lurching to their feet and, having already memorised every exit point, quickly stepped over a man who appeared to have been knocked out in the blast and bashed the hilt of his sword through the glass window. Ignoring the sharp edges, he leapt through it, hardly feeling the jagged edges of glass catching on to his clothes and gashing open his skin.  The women’s voices in his head were singing softly, some poetic strings of lines that he could not quite get. It felt like some sort of ritual, as if they were readying themselves for the fight to come, a soft prayer for the lives they were about to reap. The physical manifestations of his swords twitched in his hands as if in anticipation of the fight; his senses were on high alert, knowing that he faced enemies from all angles; and yet he still he stood still, searching for that  _ reiatsu _ that had tugged at his heart and lifted his weary hopes up - and then he spotted him.

 

Against all odds, Juushirou stood there, with his swords - his swords? - in his hand, and at that moment where time stood still, their eyes met.

 

***

During his healing, Juushirou almost passed out at least three times.  Managing his overall  _ reiatsu _ , restoring  _ reiatsu  _ back to the wounded areas for quick restoration, and closing up the gashes had been harder work than he had anticipated.  In fact, he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to make it if it hadn’t been for a sudden cool touch that had occurred sometime after the second instance that he had almost blacked out.  It wasn’t a physical touch - it felt as if someone had reached into his very being and was soothingly caressing his soul. It was a very strange feeling, but at the same time one that he felt as if he’d known all his life.  This paradox wearied his mind to think about so in his exhausted state he’s just accepted it, soldiering on as his strength slowly diminished The touch seemed to read the questions in his weary mind as he went, because at a certain point it had answered back in the form of two voices, a male and a female, completely in sync, startling Juushirou out of another almost-blackout.   _ We are within you; we are you.  We are your soul. _

 

Juushirou immediately understood, surprised that he could still use his brain through the bone-deep aching tiredness that was seeping down to his core.   _ You will not name yourself yet, then? _ He asked back, a small part of his consciousness vaguely aware that his hands were shaking violently now, the  _ kidou _ magic barely holding up, the green light flickering wildly in and out of reality.

 

_ Not yet, _ they said, with a hint of sadness in their otherwise unaffected tone.   _ But we are with you always.  Take strength. _

 

Juushirou persisted onwards, brows tightly knit in concentration, numb everywhere except for the pain in his legs, till at last he slumped forwards over his healed legs, completely drained and now completely numb.  He knew that he was not in a good shape - although he’d fixed up his wounds, he hadn’t mastered how to replace the blood he lost, and he had lost a good chunk of his  _ reiatsu _ to the healing process.  His breathing was laboured, with the threat of a violent coughing attack lurking in the low rasp at underlying his every breath. He could feel his consciousness ebb away, and he felt like much of his will to fight was fading along with the ebbing tide.  As his eyes grew heavier, the twin voices spoke again, a soft murmur of unintelligible words. As darkness claimed him, he felt a final wave of despair and hopelessness at having been defeated - he could not save Shunsui now.

 

But even as his world fell away into darkness, he instantly sensed that this wasn’t like the normal times when he’d lost consciousness - he’d done that enough times to be certain that this was a new experience.  He felt as he was falling, but his movements suddenly felt slow, sluggish, suspended in this soupy darkness as if it had taken a physical form and had liquefied around him. He tried to breathe in, and found that he could do so quite normally and without the underlying ribbon of pain that usually constricted his breaths when he was exhausted.  The darkness pressed in on him, and in any other situation he would have felt lost and disoriented, but for some reason, that feeling triggered something in his mind, like a small memory unloosening from the depths of his brain and slowly resurfacing. It was only when he registered the noise in his ears, the dulled warbling of deep water, that he knew where he was.  

 

The sea had always been a safe refuge for him, so he could understand why his mind would go there when he needed safety the most.  What he couldn’t understand was the clarity of what he was hearing, the realness of the illusion.

 

“It’s not an illusion, Juushirou.”

 

Hearing the now familiar voices made the whole situation fall into place.   _ This  _ was his inner world, taken from the many memories of his childhood and the safety he had always felt beneath the waves.  At the realisation, the darkness lifted as if the sun from above had risen, light filtering through the blue-green and finally tracing out the images behind the voices he’d been hearing. 

 

Two figures floated in the sea in front of him, a female and a male.  From their torso up, they appeared mostly human - and very naked, Juushirou belatedly realised as he averted his eyes in a sudden fit of propriety; below that, the body morphed into a strong limb that resembled the tail of a fish, the tail fin fanned out elegantly behind them, their colouring and patterns very familiar to Juushirou.  The female was dark-skinned, her tail that of a koi fish, bright patches of orange like drops of watercolour paint bleeding into the deep black background. Her hair was as white as his own, braided loosely and disappearing behind her shoulders, only to reemerge over the male one’s, a single, uninterrupted rope of plaited hair, slowly changing colour at around halfway and darkening until it turned completely black when it reached the male.  The latter, apart from his hair being the colour of embers, was completely white, his skin so pale that Juushirou could almost imagine seeing the faint tracery of veins beneath the parchment-like skin. His tail was also white, splotched with the same characteristic patches of orange and black of his conjoined twin. Their ears were fins; their eyes were pure black but not bulbous like a koi’s; they had no visible nose - Juushirou spotted gills at their necks, and wondered to what extent the fish’s physiology extended into the human one.  Seeing the majestic, silent creatures felt like the final puzzle piece fitting in, and his heart felt as if it were rejoicing, as if it was welcoming long-lost relatives.  _ This is what it feels like to meet your soul, then _ , he reflected.

 

Juushirou did the only thing he could think of at that moment, his training kicking in even in this most foreign of all situations - he bowed low, somewhat awkwardly as he was floating, and he could feel the humour from the beings as they bowed back.  “We knew you would bow,” the male said, and the female continued, a smile colouring her voice, “And we also knew we’d bow back.”

 

Juushirou found that he was not shy of them anymore.  His soul was bared in front of them - why should he shy away from beings who knew him better than he knew himself?  “Where am I?”

 

“This is your inner world.  It’s based on what is your idea of the safest place in the world - which is why we, in turn, are like this.”  Their voices blended into each other, and occasionally one would begin, and the other would conclude. They appeared to be connected by more than just their hair, intrinsically woven together at their very core.

 

“Am I safe out there?”

 

“Just unconscious.  It’s good that you came to us now - you need us.  Hear us.”

 

Juushirou, politely as always, but feeling the urgency of the situation, asked them, “Please, what are your names?”

 

“We are called  _ Sogyo no Kotowari _ .”

 

It was a  fitting name - the Law of Pisces.  He noticed that where there had been nothing before, they were now holding two swords and even in his dazed state, Juushirou could tell that their shape was unusual.  The first thing he noticed was that, like the twins, they were connected - a thick red rope that looked very flexible extended between their hilts, from which dangled silver mirrors that caught the faint light surrounding them and reflected it back to him faintly.  What struck him as strange was the that from the usual black katana blade extended an additional hook-blade, with its cutting edge facing the blade. The twins approached him, presenting the swords to him, and he grasped the hilt, feeling the slightly newer weight of the swords, wondering how fate had worked in his favour by making him practice with two swords against Shunsui - or maybe it wasn’t fate at all, but a distinct feeling within his unconscious that prompted him towards that goal.  He realised then, however, that although he knew how to inflict damage with normal swords, he had no idea how to work around these ones. “H-how do I-”

 

“We will tell you when you need them.  Go - the person our heart yearns for needs you.”

 

Juushirou’s heart missed a beat, his worry returning like a flood of water from a broken dam.  He didn’t ask them how to go back - he did what was natural to him, what he had been doing since childhood - he swam up.  

 

The transition between his inner world and the outside one was smooth, rising through his consciousness till he was fully aware of the noises and scuffle around him.  He opened his eyes and breathed deeply, noticing immediately that the sensation of dizziness that came with losing so much blood had been alleviated. He wondered if the twins had had something to do with that, and whether it would return when the adrenaline of the fight left his system.  He decided that there were far more important things to dwell on at the moment, and tried to get up, immediately realising that his sword was still unreleased. With the realisation came a whisper in his head.  _ Just ask us. _

 

_ Um, can you turn, please? _

 

_ Just repeat after us, and say our name. _

 

As one, Juushirou and his twin swords recited, “Waves, become my shield; lightening, become my blade.   _ Sogyo no Kotowari _ !”

 

A burst of energy ran through him, and his single sword impossibly split into two, the crimson rope unfurling from the hilt and extending between the twin hilts.  His reiatsu made an almost audible sound as it released, sending a small wave of wind in a radius around him, and Juushirou immediately realised that he had attracted attention - not just of the humans.  A small Hollow detached itself from its victim and lumbered towards him, and Juushirou froze for a second before the calming interweaving voices urged him to remember his training. He took a  _ shunpo  _ step and appeared high above the Hollow, putting his weight and the pull of gravity into the slash.  He landed on the ground while the mask was still disintegrating, a soft rush of breath from the freed spirit rushing through him as the Hollow disappeared.  This feat did nothing to lessen the attention he had attracted, and he exhaled in frustration, looking around frantically for any sign of Shunsui. He’d fight through anything to get to him, and it seemed the universe was really holding him up to his word.

 

He stood still, closing his eyes and readjusting his mental compass, even as his awareness of the oncoming enemies grew acutely intense.  He recalled the direction in which he had seen Shunsui be dragged off to, and he opened his eyes, setting off at a brisk run, going as fast as his lungs permitted.  He unconsciously raised his  _ reiatsu _ , knowing it helped him to breathe slightly better, and knowing his limits well enough to know that this extra toll wouldn’t tire his reserve of reiatsu that easily.  He’d rather be able to not break down in a fit of coughing and have slightly less  _ reiatsu  _ than let himself be willfully subject to coughing fits in the middle of the battlefield due to exhausted physical strength.

 

He didn’t keep count of how many people and Hollows he cut down on his way.  All he was aware of was the swishing of his blades, the odd sensation of the rope and the clinking of the silver charms, and a sad lament for the many lives that they were taking, echoed in his heart by the twins.  He wasn’t desensitised to the deaths, his heart heavy and dark, angry tears forming in his eyes at the injustices of so many good lives lost, but he knew that he must, so he did. The twins spoke soft words of comfort at the back of his mind, and together, they forged on.  

 

Some distance away, he spotted a building within the town’s encircling walls.  He guessed that it might have been an outpost - these men had seemed prepared for an ambush, and storming a town’s outpost with most of the said town’s inhabitants dead would not have been much of a problem even if they weren’t so skilled in battle.  He hoped that his theory was correct, because it was the only place where he could have any hope of finding Shunsui. He was ready to search the entire area if he had to, but the chance of finding him in that way were slim, and the chances of finding him unhurt were even slimmer.

 

He was approaching the building when a commotion inside made his heart leap to his throat.  He had felt the flare of Shunsui’s  _ reiatsu _ , and he knew immediately that he was inside.  He had barely made a single step toward it before the glass of one of the windows burst into fragments, and Shunsui leapt through the window.  He looked up, and their eyes met, just as Juushirou was overwhelmed from all sides by the enemies that had been chasing, seeing the pause in movement as an opportunity to strike - but not before he saw the hilt of someone’s sword drive into the back of Shunsui’s head, and saw him go down like a rock.

 

***

The last thing Shunsui saw before he was knocked unconscious again was Juushirou disappear under an onslaught of enemies, and the blackness he fell into was tinged with bitter despair.  But even as he was falling, he realised that this wasn’t like the sensation of falling unconscious usually felt like. He realised that it was more like all the light in the world had suddenly been stolen.  He could feel himself lying on the ground, and he felt the heaviness of the darkness press him down. Fear struck his heart until from the darkness he heard the soft laughter of a voice that had become familiar.  

 

“Where are you?” he asked, voice bordering on franticness.

 

“We are all around you,” the melodic voice replied.  “We are the darkness in your soul. But if you ask us, you might be able to see.”

 

“Please, I need to help him.”  He was getting desperate, and they knew it.  He knew they were his soul, and he beseeched them not just by his words, but also by the increasing worry that made his heart sick.

 

The darkness around him lifted incrementally, until from it emerged two figures.  They appeared to be women in the loosest definition of the term. The one closest to Shunsui kneeled down beside him, and as the darkness fled the area completely, he saw that her hair was turquoise, a fringe falling over the ravaged remains of a scar that tore through the space of what used to be her right eye, its shape almost a mockery of a flower.  Her remaining eye gazed at him inquisitively, a small smile playing on her lips as she noted the shock in Shunsui’s eyes as he took in her appearance. A black, feathered wing stretched out from where the left arm should have been, the left sleeve of her  _ kosode _ shortened to accommodate the appendage.  Shunsui’s eyes slipped past her towards her sister, whose purple hair wasn’t her strangest feature.  Like her sister, a wing replaced one of her arms, but the wing that stretched out of her right side was made of bones, and the sleeves of her  _ kosode _ were torn, the jagged edges fluttering in an invisible breeze.  A mask covered the bottom half of her face, the grotesque, leering smile of a skeleton emblazoned on it.  They wore shortened  _ hakama _ , and this, along with the  _ kosode _ , seemed to show how jarring their personalities were from each other through the vivid display of colours, with the one with a missing eye wearing pastels, the other wearing harsh blacks and reds.  They were barefoot, and altogether painted a rather bizarre and disturbing image.

 

“Like what you see?” the one with the mask commented drily, her voice harsh, her humour as self-deprecating as her master’s.     

 

“We’re an odd trio,” he replied back, grinning as the initial shock cleared away.

 

The one kneeling next to him stood up, offering her hand to him.  He took it and let her pull him up, noticing that the darkness was lifting even from the background.  It seemed that the calmer he got, the more he was able to see. He noticed that he seemed to be on the ridge of a high mountain.  Strong winds blew by, and it was just them next to a towering cherry blossom tree. Next to the tree was a small, barren pond. It was bleak; the tree was not in bloom, her branches undressed and forlorn, the sky brownish, with the distant promise of thunder.  “Where are we?” he asked, frowning as he tried to recognise the location. 

 

“We are inside of your heart,” the masked one replied cryptically.

 

“This is your inner world,” the other replied, smiling at him.  “Welcome to our land.”

 

“Why here though?”

 

“This is where you feel the safest - a pond next to the trees.  It is your most clear memory.” As if she had summoned it to his mind, he found himself remembering the weird amount of times he had spent with Juushirou near ponds. He realised that this was why his inner world seemed to be so rugged, so unrefined.  He was so new to finding something akin to peace within himself, that he had subjected even the very beings that were his soul personified to such a dreadfully bleak ambience. 

 

“This... was a recent development,” he commented lightly.

 

Equally lightly, the scarred one replied, “Quite.”

 

“Sorry about that.”  The masked one snorted.  The scarred one smiled at him still.  He remembered that he hadn’t asked them for their names.  “Will you tell me what you are called? I would like to save Juushirou and I’m terrified for his safety.”

 

“We can try, if you listen,” the masked one said, raising an eyebrow.  The women looked at each other and back at him, and in unison, they said, “We are Katen Kyokotsu.”

 

“Thank you,” he said, remembering what Juushirou would have done in this situation, and bowed low.  He could sense the surprise from them, and realised that he was still in the process of change. Unseeing, he did not notice a single green bud grow on one of the forlorn branches. 

 

“One last thing,” the scarred one said, holding out her hand.  She was carrying a huge black sword which resembled a scimitar more than his original  _ daisho _ , the blade swooping in a magnificent curve, the top part breaking the swoop with a sharper, inwards curve.  From the hilt, which was wrapped in blue cloth, hung a red tassle. He took hold of it, noticing that the masked one was holding an identical sword, if slightly smaller.  They retained the size differences as their  _ daisho  _ form, although this difference was less distinct.  

 

“You will tell me how to work with them?”

 

For the first time since he’d seen her, the masked one’s eyes, the only facial feature visible, smiled.  “Oh, we will.” It didn’t sound very promising.

 

“You should go to him.”  It was the scarred one’s voice, gentle but urging.

 

“Um...how?”

 

“Just jump.”

 

Shunsui didn’t need to be told twice.  He threw himself off the ridge, feeling Katen Kyokotsu fall with him, and closed his eyes.  The cacophony of clashing swords jolted him awake, and the split-second before he opened his eyes alerted him that it hadn’t been minutes - he was still collapsing from the hit, and it had been mere seconds.  He blurted out the poetry that the women whispered in his ears, feeling his swords morph and become weightier in his hands - “When the flower wind rages, the flower god roars. When the wind of heaven rages, the god of the underworld sneers.  _  Katen Kyokotsu _ !”

 

His  _ reiatsu  _ burst out of him in a sonic wave, his swords slicing clean through his assailant.  He staggered slightly as the weight of the swords threw him off balance, quickly regaining it and surveying the damage around him grimly.  The death had happened so fast he had barely had any time to process it, and he pushed it to the back of his head, to be thought of when the imminent danger was through.  There was the more pressing issue of Juushirou, and he would be damned if he let the mourning song in his heart drown out the urgency of his reality.

 

_ What do I do? _

 

_ Follow our lead. _

 

They whispered quietly in his head as he slashed wildly at anything that came up to him, trying not to distract himself from what they were saying.  Their voices jumped over each other and it was a challenge just to make out the words in the correct order, as if it were some kind of -

 

_ \- game _ , they finished for him, laughingly.  

 

It quickly dawned on him that everything those two devised was some sort of game - even their instruction-giving.  He sighed gustily and redoubled his efforts - and not a moment too soon. He reached out to Juushirou with his  _ reiatsu _ , hoping against hope that he could somehow transmit through it the fact that he was about to unleash an attack that might hurt Juushirou.  With the first game in mind, he took a  _ shunpo  _ step that landed him in the middle of the air, and thrusting his swords out perpendicularly from him, facing opposite directions, he spoke in chorus with the sisters, “ _ Bushōgoma _ !”, twisting around as the words left him.

 

A vortex of wind erupted from his swords, speeding towards the cacophony of attackers and breaking against them like a wave against the cliffs.  He took another  _ shunpo  _ step that landed him near to the fallen attackers, cutting through those that had resisted until he found Juushirou, still alive and relatively unharmed due to the  _ kidou  _ shield that he had erected for himself.  Shunsui didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, or just stand there open-mouthed, noticing the twin swords in Juushirou’s hands at the same time Juushirou noticed his own black blades.  The horror of their predicaments and the terror of separation meant that they could do little else but fall into each other’s arms, holding each other in that peculiar disbelief of any soldier on the battlefield witnessing a fellow soldier alive after a particularly convincing show of being quite the opposite.

 

They didn’t have time to talk -a comotion had arisen to the eastern side, and even as they reluctantly separated and fell automatically into their ready stances, they immediately saw what the trouble was, and both felt their blood run dry at the sight.

 

A huge, black figure towered over the village, its bone-white mask glaring down at them, a figure directly out of one of Juushirou’s textbooks.  All around them, the remaining soldiers were all staring up at it with the same horror Shunsui and Juushirou were feeling - none of the soldiers sent on this assignment had been prepared for such a thing to occur, and indeed, they were not equipped with the knowledge or the power to defeat such a creature.  The Menos Grande - for that was what it was - roared deafeningly, its body the mass of all the accumulated Hollow in the area. Out of the corner of his eye, Shunsui could see that even the men that had started this were shocked. None of them had expected this to escalate to such levels. Shunsui started in their direction as he saw them turn tail and flee, but a hand on his arm stopped him.  He jumped, not having felt Unohana Retsu step up to him. Her face was darker than a thundercloud, the glint in her eye and the nasty smile stretching her lips thin making Shunsui thank all the  _ kami  _ very fervently that he wasn’t on the receiving end of her sword.  “I’ll take care of those,” she said, very calmly, and she took off, and Shunsui turned away, not wanting to see more death were he could avoid to do so.  

 

Juushirou held his arm in a loose grip, grounding him to the reality that was staring at them from way above their heads.  “We need to regroup,” Juushirou said, voice roughened at the edges as the fear took over. Shunsui placed a hand at the base of Juushirou’s spine, an unconscious gesture to try and impart some comfort.  In doing so, he remembered Juushirou’s injury, which he’d forgotten in that impossible moment of seeing him alive. 

 

“Who healed you?”

 

“I did.  And Sogyo no Kotowari helped,” he said, lifting his swords up slightly, eyes never leaving the Gillian-class menos.  

 

“Remind me to tell you how amazing you are when we’re out of this.”

 

Juushirou did tear his eyes away from the massive Hollow then, smiling genuinely for the first time in a while.  He grabbed Shunsui’s hand and without much effort took a  _ shunpo  _ step that landed them quite a distance closer to the main horde of the remaining soldiers.  Shunsui was staring at him, hardly recognising the leap in strength, when the sisters simultaneously sighed, and said, exasperatedly,  _ He sees the same in you, dimwit _ .

 

_ I will not stand to be insulted by my own soul. _

 

The masked one sniggered.   _ Not like you didn’t do it to yourself before we talked to you and made you aware of our presence.   _

 

_ Touche.   _

 

As they approached the black-clad soldiers, they noticed the Captain Commander at their head, still completely cool and composed, even as all around him, soldiers clustered together in panic.  Shunsui could sense that the only  _ reiatsu  _ strong enough, besides his and Juushirou’s - which had grown considerably since the acquirement of  _ shikai _ , were Yamamoto’s, Kuchiki’s and Shihouin’s, and their respective lieutenants, who had also achieved  _ shikai _ .  Unohana, whose reiatsu trumped most of the aforementioned, had apparently been given - or took in her own hands - the solo task of rounding up the remainder of those that had started this whole mess, even though her face suggested manslaughter more effectively.  

 

Yamamoto looked up when he saw them coming, his face unreadable as always beneath those wrinkles.  He motioned them towards him, and they went, feeling the attention of many soldiers shift to them, and it was not solely because the Captain Commander had summoned to him two mere students.

 

“So, you have achieved  _ shikai _ .  An admirable achievement, but a sad one on this occasion.  You are some of the very few soldiers in this battlefield who have achieved  _ shikai _ .  We cannot spare anyone to send for more reinforcements, and even if we could, they would arrive too late to be of any use.  We must take matters in our hands with whatever people we have at our disposal. I cannot ask you to do this, but I find myself in the position to ask of you this favour.  All I can genuinely say is that you have shown great resolve on the battlefield today, and you will be accompanied by us captains and the lieutenants. But the decision lies with you.”

 

Juushirou turned on Shunsui, and Shunsui saw his own answer reflected in Juushirou’s eyes.  Juushirou turned to the Captain Commander, and said, with his characteristic, quiet determination, “You need not ask it of us, Yamamoto Genryuusai-dono.  We’ll come willingly.”

 

Which is how they ended up in a circle consisting of the highest ranking seated officers present there.  “Do you know the full extent of your  _ shikai _ s?” said one of the lieutenants, panic making him brusque.

 

“No,” answered Shunsui shortly, feeling as if he’d just said an understatement but not knowing why.  The sisters radiated amusement at that, and he rolled his eyes. Juushirou was explaining something in his clear voice, and Shunsui allowed himself to be led back into the conversation, inputting some tactical advice that was actually heeded.  He didn’t notice Yamamoto’s eyes on them, and he didn’t catch the grudging respect in the countenance of the others. They had to scatter very shortly after when a huge burst of  _ cero _ hit the ground a few metres from where they’d just been standing, and from then on too many things were happening to properly comprehend.

 

The Captain Commander went first, muttering something beneath his breath that caused the outer layer of his cane to disintegrate, revealing the legendary  _ Ryujin Jakka _ , the most powerful fire-based sword in the whole of Soul Society, if rumours were to be believed.  Shunsui, upon seeing the blade lined with flickering flames and the searing power of the  _ reiatsu _ that followed, felt very compelled to believe in the rumours, especially when stealing a glance behind him to be greeted by the view of several of the soldiers fainting at the force of that  _ reiatsu _ .  The old man leapt at the Menos with a sprightliness that didn’t quite match his physique, and thus the fight was properly initiated.  

 

For the most part, the two students stayed back, only getting in hits when the huge black hulking Hollow was distracted by the combined attacks of the more skilled seated officers.  It was only when two of the lieutenants were taken out at one go that they were forced to step in, and it was through this that Juushirou found himself staring down a  _ cero _ -attack at point-blank range.  At the same moment, his twins stirred in his consciousness, projecting an image in his head - and not a moment to soon.  As the  _ cero _ burst out of the creature, he extended his left sword and watched in amazement as it absorbed all the  _ cero _ .  He quickly pointed his right sword back at the Hollow, noticing how the silver mirrors shone as the energy taken from the  _ cero _ was increased as it passed down the red rope, until it reached his right sword, and burst out of it as if it had been he himself that had attacked using the  _ cero _ .  It hit the Hollow in a flash of red light, and Juushirou was stunned to see it stagger back.  The entire process had taken a few seconds at most, but it was obvious that the attack had emerged from his sword at a higher damaging frequency than it had had from its origins, as if his mirrors had not only shifted the direction of the attack, but also increased the intensity of it.

 

Shunsui was at his side then, tugging him out of the way as Captain Kuchiki released his _shikai_ and aimed for the mask, not reaching high enough before one of the Hollow’s arms thrust out and clipped the parabola of his ascent and sent him flying to the ground.  Shihouin _shunpo’_ d away and caught the captain before he hit the ground, laying him down safely some distance away.  Kuchiki’s vice captain left the battle and went to his captain’s side at a nod from Yamamoto. In between dodging the creature’s attacks, Shunsui and Juushirou exchanged a worried glance.  Already two of their already meagre number had been effectively removed.

 

While all this was happening, Shunsui’s head was abuzz with conversation, and he felt a spike of annoyance at his suddenly talkative Zanpakuto soul.   _ Can you guys put a sock in it? _

 

We _ are  _ trying  _ to tell you about this technique you can use, so if you can kindly stop ignoring us? _ The sweetness with which this sentence was uttered was contrasted by the undertone of deep sarcasm from both sisters, evidently having been trying to get through to him for quite a while.

 

_ Sorry.  I’m a little distracted right now? _

 

_ Nothing we can do about that.  If you don’t wanna be ripped apart by an ugly 30 foot tall beak-headed curtain-creature you best listen up. _

 

_ I’m all ears. _

 

_ We like games.  This is my favourite. _  The sweet voice of the scarred one began narrating a complex, and yet devastatingly simple, game.  He listened carefully, relying on Juushirou’s cues to dodge the various attacks that the creature dished out, while also trying to get a hit in somehow.  No one could manage to reach the mask because of the creature’s flailing arms and the occasional  _ cero _ burst that Juushirou didn’t get to fast enough.  But as the game unfolded in Shunsui’s mind, he suddenly saw a plan of attack laid before him clearly.  He caught Juushirou’s eye and immediately he was by his side. Quickly and concisely, Shunsui summarised the plan he’d come up with, watching as Juushirou’s eyes widened at the description of the game.  By the time he had stopped talking, Juushirou’s face was set and determined. 

 

“I’ll tell Shihouin-dono.  I’ll leave Yamamoto-san to you.”  Matter-of-fact as always, issuing these small commands even in the midst of battle came naturally to Juushirou.  Even so, Shunsui admired his steadiness.

 

“You’re gonna go along with it, then?”

 

“It’s a damn good plan, Shunsui.  You are our best tactics expert in the class, after all.” 

 

Shunsui’s raised eyebrow elicited a small laugh from Juushirou, and for a small moment, the cacophony of battle seemed to fade into the background, and it was just the two of them alone.  Shunsui leaned forward and closed the small distance between them, kissing him lightly on the lips. “For luck,” he said against Juushirou’s lips, and then he was off, sneaking a look behind him to find Juushirou, still looking resolute, but with a faint smile accompanying the sudden blush in his cheeks.

 

Shunsui skidded to a halt next to Yamamoto, almost immediately sidestepping one of the creature’s  _ cero  _ attacks, turning to watch it shatter the earth where he’d just been standing.  Yamamoto, in his usual calm manner, said solemnly, “What is it, boy?” 

 

Shunsui, with considerably less calm, narrated to him the plan that he’d come up with, blocking one of the arms with some difficulty, hearing the wild abandon of the sisters as they revelled in the adrenaline of the battle.  He had to wait some thirty nerve-wracking seconds of contemplative silence while the creature rained all of them with attacks, occasionally emitting a bone-chilling roar that rattled the rubble and rocks around them. Eventually, Yamamoto nodded slowly, laying a hand on Shunsui’s shoulder and very solemnly saying, “Be careful.”  

 

And then there was nothing to do but wait for the perfect opening.  He returned to Juushirou’s side, having fought beside him enough times to know and recognise the nuances of his body language and knowing that they were the extension of each other during any fighting sequence.  The opening came soon enough - the creature began forming another  _ cero  _ blast, aiming it towards Juushirou.  Shunsui left Juushirou’s side, watching as Yamamoto and Shihouin both increased their attacks.  Juushirou stood alone in front of the  _ cero  _ blast, and for a chilling second, Shunsui thought about what would happen if Juushirou failed to reflect back the attack, and got the full brunt of it - and it would have been because of Shunsui’s plan.  He felt the urge to shout out, but even as he was about to, the Hollow spat out its  _ cero _ , speeding towards Juushirou, suddenly disappearing as it was taken by his Zanpakuto, and reappearing with greater force from its twin.  Not expecting the attack, being too stupid to anticipate Juushirou even after having been exposed to it several times, the Menos stumbled, distracted, and Shunsui moved.

 

“ _ Irooni _ ,” he said, clearly, and he felt something in him shift, as if he’d physically entered into some other dimension, in which the rules of the game where absolute.  He knew the dangers he himself was now exposed to, but, even as the sisters urged him on with a wild, manic glee, he knew that there was no other way left to them at this point.  The lingering guilt at how unfair this game seemed to be when looked at from the creature’s point of view, a dumb beast who could not grasp the Game’s rules even if they were presented to it on a silver plate, faded as he focussed on his target.  He steeled himself, and looked at the bone-white of the mask, as white as the blood-stained uniform he himself was wearing. If he screwed up now, he’d have effectively killed himself. 

 

_ We are a double-edged blade _ , the masked one whispered, tense and quivering with anticipation.

 

_ We are the edge of the ravine, _ the scarred one breathed, quieter and heavier in his hand.

 

“White!”

 

As he yelled the colour, the world around him narrowed into a tunnel of hyper-concentration.  The Menos, as if suddenly aware of the rules that had caught it up in their nets, raised its masked face towards Shunsui, but it was too slow to bat him out.  He turned as he went, hitting the mask with the larger blade and using the momentum of his turn to drive the smaller one into the mask with greater force, and he felt the mask crack beneath his swords, and the scarred one whispered a sad blessing as the souls trapped in the black despair of the Menos were freed, and the body crumpled into nothingness.

 

He  _ shunpo _ ’d messily to the ground, righting himself from the awkward landing only to be tackled by Juushirou, almost losing his balance again but managing to steady himself, trying not to drop Juushirou at the same time.  He was so jubilant that even though he felt exhausted throughout, he managed to lift Juushirou a few inches of the ground and spin him around, something Juushirou found amusing, as became apparent from his laughter.  The happy sound seemed to break the spell of silence that had fallen on the battlefield as everyone watched the Hollow crumple in on itself, but even as noise erupted from all around, no one approached them, as if they were still stunned by their combined power.  Yamamoto and Shihouin appeared near them as Shunsui lowered Juushirou to the ground, catching his hand in his own and not letting go. Yamamoto was wearing his normal expression, but they could sense a different emotion - he was  _ proud _ .  Juushirou lowered his eyes respectfully when they approached, although an unsuppressable happiness radiated from him and through his  _ reiatsu _ .

 

“You have done me very proud, my children,” Yamamoto said, and they both heard the smile in his voice.  All around them, gates were being opened, everyone vacating the scene of the battle, some carrying wounded soldiers on their backs, others hobbling back with a dead soldier slung in their arms.  Yamamoto turned and opened a gate next to them, gesturing at them as a number of Hell Butterflies flew out to take them back. “Please report to me tomorrow, after you have both rested. You have certainly earned it.”

 

Juushirou bowed his head, and Shunsui copied him, and then it seemed that the burnout from the whole experience caught up with them, and both of them barely remembered how they managed to return back to Soul Society, let alone how they ended up back in their dorms.  At some point in between, they ended up in the infirmary, where Juushirou’s blood-loss was dealt with, and several smaller injuries, as well as the head-trauma Shunsui had received from being knocked out twice. They were almost not allowed to leave, but somehow they managed to convince the healers that they were strong enough to walk back to their rooms, which they did, barely noticing the stunned expressions of their fellow classmates, who had by then discovered the exact events of what had happened in the Living World.

 

They fell asleep as they lay, which was why when Shunsui woke up, feeling like his body had been thrown under a moving cart, he noticed that they were still fully-clothed in whatever clothes the Infirmary had given them.  He groaned, feeling Juushirou stir awake next to him.

 

“I feel like someone stepped all over me as I slept,” Juushirou muttered against Shunsui’s chest, and Shunsui would have laughed, had that simple action not made him feel worse.  

 

“I’m glad you’re alive,” Shunsui said in response, and Juushirou snorted loudly. 

 

“I’m glad  _ you’re _ alive,” he said, disgruntledly.  “I can’t believe your insanely high death wish is mirrored in your swords,” he added, and Shunsui could almost hear his eyes rolling.  

 

Shunsui did laugh then, earning a pair of narrowed eyes from Juushirou. “Yours are pretty sleek,” he said, remembering how well they’d complimented Juushirou and the figure they made in the middle of the battlefield.

 

“They took me to the ocean,” answered Juushirou dreamily, and Shunsui had to pause to realise what he’d meant.

 

“Ah, your inner world thing,” he concluded belatedly.  “Mine was pretty trash.” He felt the masked sister laugh at that, and he grinned in response.  Juushirou looked mildly concerned. 

 

“I think it’s because you’re so all over the place with everything that’s been happening in your life,” he mused, leaning closer into Shunsui’s warmth.  “I’m sure your heart will evolve into the beauty that it has concealed.” 

 

Shunsui looked at him with such intensity that Juushirou blushed and ducked his head, hiding beneath his hair.  Shunsui - with some difficulty - sat up and twisted over so that he leaned over Juushirou, and with one arm he brushed Juushirou’s hair away from his face, revealing a pair of rosy cheeks and eyes that glittered like a thousand stars.  He slid a hand behind Juushirou’s head as support and bent down, kissing him softly. Juushirou’s eyes fell closed at the contact, his breath leaving him in a sigh, and his arms snaked around Shunsui’s waist, pulling him down so that he lay on top of him.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Shunsui whispered against Juushirou’s lips.

 

“You could never,” came the soft reply.

 

Several minutes later, both of them simultaneously remembered Yamamoto's request, and somehow, with much grumbling and stiffened joints, they washed and tried to make themselves look presentable enough to meet the old Captain Commander, with some apprehension.  It wasn’t everyday that one was summoned to the Captain Commander’s office, and neither of them looked forward to the stamina needed to withstand his level of  _ reiatsu _ .  They took their time, but the battle between reluctance and not wanting to be late was won through Juushirou’s need of always being early.

 

They knocked on his door and it opened almost immediately, as if they were being expected.  They entered and bowed at Yamamoto, sitting at his desk at the far end of the room. He spent most mornings in his office at the Academy, usually retiring to his barracks’ office in Seireitei in the afternoon.  The emptiness and impersonal feeling of the room continued to give nothing away of the inner workings of the great man, and it was with a heightened trepidation that the two students closed the door behind them and stood facing the imposing figure of their headmaster.

 

“Before I can truly tell you why I summoned you here,” he began in his grave, hoarse voice, “I will debrief you of the situation.  A group of men - about whom I believe you have...intimate knowledge of,” he nodded at Shunsui, who winced at the thought of just how intimate his captor’s sword had almost gotten with his neck, “let loose a plague that we have kept hidden in one of the deepest vaults inside the _Daireishokairō_.  It is an ancient plague that had contaminated the Living World.  We had kept contained to be able to study it, but somehow, either from an infiltrator from outside our ranks, or from someone within our ranks, this sample was stolen and unleashed on this village.  The huge amount of needless death caused most of the souls of the people of the village to turn into vengeful Hollows, thus causing the imbalance of Souls and urging us to investigate, using less forces than we would have normally taken out had we known from beforehand the true extent and gravity of the situation.  What we definitely know had not been in the plan of those imbeciles was the emergence of the Grande Menos, as it annihilated them as well. Captain Unohana would have done away with those unfortunate souls had I not specifically - and quite forcefully, I might add - asked her to bring them in. They are languishing in our holding cells until later today, when I will pay them a visit.” 

 

Shunsui felt his eye twitch involuntarily at the thought of Yamamoto ‘paying them a visit’, and felt a mirroring response of humour from Juushirou at that mental image.  Yamamoto looked at them, noticing the passing conversation between them, and smiled a secret smile. “Do you, in turn, have anything to report to me? Any knowledge you may deem useful?” he continued, having allowed the pause to stretch long enough for them to get immersed in their secretive communication, watching them shrewdly as they jumped back to attention.

 

Shunsui cleared his throat, embarrassed, and began relating all that he knew from what he assumed was the head of the rebels.  The man had apparently been killed during the action, as there was no one in the holding cells that matched his description. Shunsui felt torn between sadness and a shame that still burned at the words he’d been told, and a sort-of guilty relief.  “You wouldn’t have found any of the other noble heirs they have caught by now, right?” Shunsui asked after a while.

 

“The disappearances had been noted, but no one truly made a connection.  They were all lesser heirs, so no one kicked up much of a fuss. It wasn’t like the daughter of Shihouin had been captured - a wide scale search would have immediately been issued.  It is such dissonances that seem to have angered these men. We must work on bettering situations for everyone, it seems.” Yamamoto sounded thoughtful, and Shunsui caught the sound of what might have been guilt.

 

When silence fell again, Juushirou spoke up from next to him,  “Genryusai-dono, were the other students...killed? If so...could we be there for their funerals?”

 

Yamamoto looked infinitely sad.  “There were a number of deaths. Of course, all students are invited to attend their memorials.  They died bravely, and will be laid to rest in honour.”

 

When it became apparent that they had nothing else to say, Yamamoto spoke again, his tone less grave than it had been before.  “As to the subject I asked you to visit for. You have both obtained  _ shikai _ , a marvellous feat at your age.  No one in your grade has gotten it apart from the two of you.  I had no doubt that it would be the two of you to overpass your fellow students by so much.  Your performance in my classes, especially yours, Juushirou, which has improved greatly and drastically once you started believing in yourself, has given me more than enough proof of the potential you both hold in store.  From this day on, you will still carry on with some of the classes you have with your fellow students, but you will have other, separate classes, mostly to learn the capacities of your Zanpakuto, and also to be able to wield your new  _ reiatsu  _ levels.  You will be moved to the teachers’ buildings, as there are no dorms planned as of yet for students who have gotten their  _ shikai _ , as the feat was thought to be impossible for anyone below a sixth year, and so never planned for.  The reason for this is that your uncontrolled  _ reiatsu  _ would be uncomfortable to live around for the other students.  As for your essential help in taking down the Grande Menos, it has gone down in your permanent record.  It will boost your chances at earning better positions once you enter Seireitei as graduates. You have done all of us here teaching you proud, my boys.  I am very pleased with the both of you.”

 

Both students were struck dumb by the high praise coming from Yamamoto, and all they could do was bow, Shunsui bowing lower than he had ever bowed before, the huge, overwhelming power of emotion overbalancing the pride that had been instilled in him from a very young age and that he had never quite let go of.   Yamamoto stood up and made his way slowly around his desk, placing a hand on each of their foreheads, an action so achingly reminiscent of a father that they both left the office feeling slightly shaken. 

 

They didn’t talk about what had happened in the office until they reached their dorm.  As they both had been injured in the fight, they had been excused from lessons that they, having to visit the infirmary to return the clothes and to be (reluctantly) subjected to another check-up later on that day.  They found a note on the desk detailing the instructions about where they were to be moving, and much of the time spent between the moment they arrived back to their dorm and the time they had to visit the infirmary was taken up by packing their things and making sure that the dorm room was left in order.  It was on their way to the infirmary that they finally broached the subject about what Yamamoto had told them in his office.

 

“New classes, huh?”  Shunsui said lightly, holding out his hand.

 

“A lot of new things,” Juushirou returned, just as lightly, taking the proffered hand.  “As long as you’re by my side, I’m quite content with changes.” 

 

Shunsui stopped just outside of the infirmary, halting Juushirou with him, and drew him towards him.  He pushed Juushirou’s hair gently out of his face, tucking it behind his ear, and kissed him softly. No words needed to be exchanged for the emotion that heartfelt gesture conveyed.  Hands still interlocked, they entered the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *saunters in 2 months late with Starbucks*  
> a few notes!  
> \- as you may have realised, the personified Zanpakuto spirits are different than from the anime, or indeed from Volume 71. I feel like those don't quite capture the essence of Juushirou and Shunsui's souls so I took the trouble to invent some new ones. i drew them (badly) if anyones interested i can upload a pic...somewhere i guess  
> \- the chapter title is a quote meaning basically that you never know your own strength until it is truly tested. Also the quote is from William Samuel Johnson. I'm meant to be majoring in eng lit so uh sorry about all that!  
> \- the reason for the,,,,long term absence is in fact i started uni again and I Am Dying From Stress  
> \- that little sneak-peak of summer with the ukitake siblings is a planned one-shot I hope you will all look forward to in the (far) future!  
> \- another possible question: why are the students needed to fight in the Living World? - it is early days in Seireitei, and the divisions are small, and their officers are few. after all, the academy had only just had its first intake of students, and none of them had graduated yet. therefore, even if all the officers from the divisions were sent, there still wouldnt have been many. also, how come Yamamoto, fire badass, didn't kill that Menos with one look, claire? well! simple! he just wasn't as strong as he is now! (I'm stretching this theory a bit but bear with me please)   
> \- self-healing: i tried to research this, got bored, and invented this. Artistic creative liberty and what not  
> \- funerals: in that dread chapter 685, Juushirou's gravestone appeared, so i'm assuming funerals are still held for the dead. I'm not getting into the issue of their bodies becoming reishi and what not - i hate the concept of literal Death Gods dying, so we ignore that (guess what im going to say) (its artistic creative liberty)  
> \- i did edit this, but its 17k long and I don't have time to reread it, so if there's anything you guys want to point out, go ahead <3
> 
> Thank you for anyone who still stuck around even after I mysteriously disappeared into the air - but I couldn't NOT upload on JUUSHIROU'S BIRTHDAY!!! also, I promise you I WILL FINISH THIS!! there's 4 more chapters planned (or more if they stretch out as long as this one did) BUT i have a very good sketch of the plot. Thank you once more for your support, and don't expect regular updates anymore :') I will try my best. Love you guys, and for anyone who celebrates during these holidays, have a great feast! and to all of you who don't, try and catch a breather from life and stay cosy <3

**Author's Note:**

> This is an unbeta'd version, although I read it a couple of times myself. It's been years since I updated a multi-chapter fic. I am, to say the least, shitting my pants.  
> Comments and critiques are always appreciated, but above all, I hope you enjoy reading it.
> 
> (happy belated birthday, chest hair)


End file.
